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Ms Chase
Ms Chase, Life Coach
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 2897
Experience:  Over 20 yrs experience with Relationships, Sexuality, Friendship, and Family Issues
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dear Sir,Madam, are a computer or a real person ...

Customer Question

dear Sir,Madam, are a computer or a real person online who i can ask something about health?
Submitted: 6 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Annie replied 6 years ago.
Customer


We are really experts here- what is your question?
Customer: replied 6 years ago.
i am being persued to emigrate to blackburn, my husband is pushing me, we are living in the netherlands. Here i was born, i know everything, like my rights and obligation and how to deal with matters like domestic-violence. I want to know what i can do when i stand alone in england facing such problems? can i talk to my personal doctor from day one about my doubts and fears, will there be an ear for listening, like there is here? i don't want to divorce, becoz there is still love and respect in our marriage, but i want to make sure that i can reach out for help in blackburn. Can you advise me so far?
Expert:  Annie replied 6 years ago.
Customer


I am in the US, but maybe you can explain your situation further. You are being forced to emigrate by your husband and he wants a divorce? He is forcing you to emigrate because he wants to divorce you? He is physically abusive?
Customer: replied 6 years ago.
ohw sorry, i thought you were in the uk, that you know the rules and regulations there. No my husband is not physically abusive. Our main domestic problem is that i have a western mind, if i work 8 hours full 100% then i am tired when i come home, and i need his help in keeping the house clean and cooking and etc. He has a traditional pakistani mind, he wants me to work 8 hours, share 50-50% in living costs and do all the work of the house and have his food ready anytime he walks in, and i never know when he walks in, becoz he doesnt discuss daily scedule with me. Now there is no physical abuse, but i fear there will be in blackburn, coz there we will live alone, far from everyone i know in england and far from my parents in the netherlands. i am trying to save my marriage, by listening to his request/demand to migrate to blackburn. He has become an european citizen by marrying me. Now he wants to move to blackburn becoz his childhoodfriend lives there. I believe him so far that we will try to start over. But the household part is really giving me a problem. I cannnot even discuss such details he tells me to shut up, he tells me that i shouldnt talk back, or disagree with his rules in the house. I have a bachelor university degree, i am very free minded, still muslim believing that i married the right man that i love... in dont know what to do now, so i am trying to find out where i can reach out for help in blackburn.
Expert:  Annie replied 6 years ago.
Customer


As this really isn't a health question persay, I am going to move your question to another section that can help you better since this isn't a medical related issue type of question. Someone will help you out in the other section I move your question to, but further questions after that may need to be answered by a legal expert.
Customer: replied 6 years ago.
Dear Sir/Madam,

Should i go into an other section? or are you forwarding me into another section sir/madam?
Expert:  Ms Chase replied 6 years ago.

Hello Fatima

Can you answer a few questions for me?

How old are the two of you?

How long have you been married?

Do the two of you live alone now?

How far is Balckburn from your family?

Who is this friend he wants to move near? Why does he want to move near a childhood friend instead of staying close to family?

Are both of you muslim?

Was he acting badly toward you before marriage?

Chase

Customer: replied 6 years ago.
Hello Fatima

Can you answer a few questions for me?

How old are the two of you?
i am 29 years old, he is 32 years old

How long have you been married?
we have been married since 11-11-2005

Do the two of you live alone now?
we live since 1 january 2008 with my parents in amsterdam

How far is Balckburn from your family?
blackburn is 1 hour from my cousinsister, 2 hours from my childhoodfriend.

Who is this friend he wants to move near? Why does he want to move near a childhood friend instead of staying close to family?
he grew up with this friend who lived next door to him in his homecountry pakistan, he wants to move there in his house because my husband thinks that he will be happy there and laugh with his childhoodfriend and become a nice person again. according to my husband i have made him a bitter man, because i discuss everything 2 or 3 times with him and i want to make things clear.

Are both of you muslim?
we are both muslim

Was he acting badly toward you before marriage?
no he was the nicest person i ever met before engagement, after engagement he got to know my family and he was getting irritated by the week, and he got to know me more and he was negatively surprised that i do talk back and i do stand up for my rights and i dont have patients with waiting to discuss an issue after a few days.

Chase
Customer: replied 6 years ago.
mr. chase asked me a few questions and i answered them, but i didnt get an answer to my questions. Now there is no physical abuse, but i fear there will be in blackburn, coz there we will live alone, far from everyone i know in england and far from my parents in the netherlands. i am trying to save my marriage, by listening to his request/demand to migrate to blackburn. He has become an european citizen by marrying me. Now he wants to move to blackburn becoz his childhoodfriend lives there. I believe him so far that we will try to start over. But the household part is really giving me a problem. I cannnot even discuss such details he tells me to shut up, he tells me that i shouldnt talk back, or disagree with his rules in the house. I have a bachelor university degree, i am very free minded, still muslim believing that i married the right man that i love... in dont know what to do now, so i am trying to find out where i can reach out for help in blackburn. is there something like an office for help when domestic violence occurs? or anything of that sort?
Expert:  Ms Chase replied 6 years ago.

Hello Fatima,

I am sorry for what you are going through, and I would urge you to remember that it's not only important that we love someone, but that they love us back. Emotional abuse tends to lead to physical abuse and as you are not a child, there is really no reason for him to be yelling and calling you names.

You have the upper hand in a sense in that you already suspect that making this move will be harmful to you. As women, we are given a gift of women's intuition, and I always tell my clients, if you think its something wrong, then there probably is, and you should pay close attention to what your gut it telling you.

With that being said, here's a link to support organizations in that area, including domestic violence info.

I welcome your thoughts, let me know if you want to talk more

Bismillah

Chase

Ms Chase, Life Coach
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 2897
Experience: Over 20 yrs experience with Relationships, Sexuality, Friendship, and Family Issues
Ms Chase and other Relationship Specialists are ready to help you
Customer: replied 6 years ago.
THank you so much Ms CHase for your clear answer, I will look into this link with information of Blackburn and help in blackburn. To be honest i dont think something is up, or something fishy is going on. It is more my family, my parents who are telling me several negative things and i unfortunately am listening to it, even when i dont want to. I accept your answer and i will talk it through with the agency of domestic violence here in amsterdam. I will listen to my intuition and let all kind of institutions etc know what i fear/think/feel/ want/ would like to achieve. Coz fortunately i was born in amsterdam and i finished university so i am not dumm and i do have knowledge that there is always a way... there is always a way out. THank you so much, i will keep this link in my favorites for future reference if needed.. hope not though, bye for now. Kind regards XXXXX XXXXX
Expert:  Ms Chase replied 6 years ago.
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