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Ask Dr.Rich Your Own Question
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 8386
Experience:  M. S in Counseling (Long Island University); Juris Doctor; Mediator for Courts in NYC and L.A., CA
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My in-laws stated they think I was fired from all of my ...

Customer Question

My in-laws stated they think I was fired from all of my jobs. My mother-in-law''s sister stated I was fired my job, also. This is not true. They are angry with me because their son, my husband, is an alcoholic and I have called the police on him, got an order of protection, etc... They feel I will be divorcing him and they are trying to hurt my character. My husband has had four DUI''s. They always side with him and have never taken steps to straighten him up. We have three children.
Submitted: 9 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Dr.Rich replied 9 years ago.


I think you should ignore the comments of those people. As you correctly say...they are just blaming you for the bad conduct of your husband. It is easier to do that than face his failures and their inability to help him. Don't take that negative talk in....IT'S NOT ABOUT YOU. Plus it saps your strength to be worried about what they say...and the fact is you need all the strength you have to deal with your problem. That is...looking at your marriage and your husband and deciding your future. Your kids can't be benefitting from their dad's actions. Perhaps a separation or divorce will help him see the effects of his past and will help you see more clearly what you want to do with your life from here on out for your own good and the good of your children.


Customer: replied 9 years ago.
Reply to Dr.Rich's Post: I have a 16y/o and 6y/o autistic twins. My husband has never been to therapies, doctor appointments, making decisions regarding their medical treatment. He also does not research possible ways to help our children. My oldest son has suffered much from his dad because he was rarely spending the time with us. The one thing he did do was to participate in my son's sporting events. My 6y/o son was diagnosed in September-2003 with autism. My husband would not even meet the specialist, even after the specialist made time to meet with him after my husband got off of work. One month after my son's diagnosis, my husband received his third DUI. My parents are dead and have been since I was 16. His parents take time for my daughter(twin) but not my son(twin); the twins are 6y/o boy/girl twins. When my oldest son was young, they never did much of anything with him except when we wanted a babysitter. Even that was a limited amount of time. Instead of helping the twins or my oldest son, they would rather be drinking beer every night or going out to eat. No one from his family will put the time in to help the kids. "They don't like me" My mother-in-law only has invited Madison to come out to their house, etc.. I feel that they should not be a part of the kids lives anymore because of all of the neglect, especially to my husband, their son. Their son had an alcohol and drug problem since he was in H.S. They have never admitted their neglect. I have dealt with physical abuse from my husband such as a dislocated shoulder, broken ribs, concussion after slammed to the concrete ground. His sister new of that because when she showed up to go to a family funeral on his side of family, I could barely stay awake and I was vomitting almost continuously. My sister repeatedly had helped me move away from him, go to police station report his abuse and take photos. I took him to counseling in 1997 but he attended three times and then stopped. Funny thing is that my counselor prayed for God to take care of this situation. Two days later, my husband got his second DUI(1997). My husband's fourth DUI came the night I was starting a new job as an RN and he was supposed to watch the kids. He came home drunk started a fight with my oldest son. It became physical and I called the police. He grabbed his keys and away he headed towards his "mommy and daddy's" house for some comfort. The police were able to catch him before he left town, driving in his work truck. He "blames" me for his DUI and so does his family. I could not even start my first night on the job. Even the fact that I called him coming home from work, I knew he was very drunk. I called his mother to ask her if she would watch the kids and she said yes because he was drunk. But it was the fight with my son which led to calling police. The night after my husband's DUI, he was at his mom and dad's house. He called me and said he had a gun to his head and he was clear back on their property at the pond. I told him he should come home and I will help him. I called his parents and had to leave a voice mail that Greg was contemplating suicide. They did not intervene. I ended up taking him to ER and to a follow up doctor appointment regarding a plan of treatment and antidepressants. He did not follow up with any of it. He was supposed to take medication that would make him fiercely sick if he took one sip of alcohol. Nothing followed through. Even after his second DUI, my husband referenced that his Dad was drinking at the same bar he was. I do not want their influence around my kids. How do I go about this? We have a hearing on April 4. This is a follow up to order of protection. Can I request this because of the history and the current interest in only Madison and not Blake. Madison told me once that "Grandma wishes you and Daddy would get a divorce" I have repeatedly called my husband's parents letting them know that their son was drunk and causing trouble. I wanted them to come pick him up and take him to their house. They don't do anything about it. Not even for the sake of all three children.
Expert:  Dr.Rich replied 9 years ago.

I think it is time to remove your children and yourself from this man....get a divorce lawyer and move on with your life. You sound like a strong woman. You have lived through hell. The divorce will be nothing compared with what you have gone through.


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