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Walter
Walter, Relationship Mentor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 11528
Experience:  Mentoring couples on relationship issue and self understanding. (JA's Relationship Mentor)
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hi....im a 68 year old woman. I have been cybering

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hi....i''m a 68 year old woman.   I have been cybering (sexy talk) for over 5 years.    I would like to stop. I have tried.    I went to confession (catholic), but then when I got home i went directly to my computer to see if i could catch anyone online. Since I am married I would like to stop.   My husband had a terrible childhood.   Because of that,   he does not know how to love a woman or please her. I love oral sex and will do that to him, but he thinks it is dirty and never licks my vagina.   I feel cheated. At the present time I have two online lovers. Do you think i should give them up and instead just be with my husband
Submitted: 6 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Walter replied 6 years ago.

Hello and welcome to Just Answer,

Online relationships are so easy to fall into are they not? We have all been here, often we get to talking and one thing leads to another and once you start no matter how hard you want to stop the temptation is sitting right there waiting for you.

I have always thought that the Internet should come with a warning lable.....letting people know how addicting it is lol. Cyber Sex is very addicting....in fact more so addicting then some drugs. You can do it when ever you want, no chance of contracting a disease and you can tell yourself that you are not cheating. Makes for a very tempting offer.

As for your question....should I give them up. You know the answer already, I can tell you all day about how you made vows with your husband and how he deserves to have a faithful relationship but at the end of the day you already know this. You know what you are doing is wrong or you would not be going to confession about it.

Let me ask you this............would you be willing to to meet up and actually do what you fantasy about on line? If the answer is no then you can rest assured that what you are doing on line is no diffrent.....just easier.

As for how do you quit its a lot easier then one may imageine.........but it takes a big sacrifice.

Get rid of the temptation: Either remove the computer or remove your Internet access. If this is not a option then consider having a close confidant come in and set up a program that locks out all chat programs as well as any pornographic sites. Have them set it up on a password XXXXX you would never guess. As with any addiction it will take time.......this is not something that will go away over night. The good news is it will go away.

This is simply the first step.........you need to address your needs with your husband. Let him know how you feel and explain to him that this is not dirty but something that is important to you and something you need. Ask him how he would feel if you decided that sex was dirty and never wanted to do it again. Ask him how he would handle it or how it would make him feel that you no longer wanted to do this with him.

You may want to consider consulting with a sex therapist. Often they have great results in situations such as yours. The therapist can help find out why he feels this is dirty and help him overcome his fears of performing oral sex. At the end of the day this is a action......is oral sex worth losing him if he finds out about this?

If not then it is time to make some changes in your life. Sex is only a bonus in a marriage........your love and bond is what makes it a marriage. Sex is what helps to make the days go by. If you put sex before the love then you have very little to fall back on when the sex goes.

Walter

 

Walter, Relationship Mentor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 11528
Experience: Mentoring couples on relationship issue and self understanding. (JA's Relationship Mentor)
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Walter
Walter
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Mentoring couples on relationship issue and self understanding. (JA's Relationship Mentor)