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Ms Chase
Ms Chase, Life Coach
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 2897
Experience:  Over 20 yrs experience with Relationships, Sexuality, Friendship, and Family Issues
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My husband has had an emotional affair with a woman at ...

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My husband has had an emotional affair with a woman at work. She was left by her husband of 3 years (he was 25 years older and my husband and I are 25 years older than she is. We have been to counseling but he still says there was nothing to it even though he deleted calls from his cell phone, changed her name in his cell phone so I could not find out that she called. He promised me he would not call her again but he kept on. I found out that when I went out of town to help my son & wife with new baby and 1 year old that he picked this woman up at her apt. took her to dinner (in his car alone) but went to meet coworkers for the dinner-paid for the womans dinner (hers aloneand no one elses) and drove the woman home after drinking and dinner and went into her apt. He said he only stayed a short period of time and I guess I believe him. He won''t discuss this relationship with me- he says there is nothing to discuss. Am I being stupid to think he wants me or her or what Help me.

Hello Roselind,

The counseling was because of the affair?

Did he say why he was hiding so many things if there is nothing to discuss?

Are you still in counseling?

Is he still communicating with this woman?

Chase

Customer: replied 9 years ago.
Reply to Ms Chase's Post: Yes.
Because he said he knew it would upset me.
No. It is too expensive.
I don't think so.

Hello Roselind,

Of course it would upset you. Your husband is talking with a woman 25 years younger than him who obviously is attracted to older men. He lied consistently and willfully to hide this fact from you, not because it would upset you, but because he didn't want to stop. Lets be clear here, he knew from day one that what he was doing was wrong, that's why he hid it. Saying that you would be upset is an understatement. There was something to it, and his denial of that concerns me even more than what he did. If he can't be honest about it, then he's most likely not fully committed to stopping.

Since he was in the wrong and the one being deceptive, then you should be able to discuss it and have your questions answered whether he thinks it's important or not. He was the one who deceived you. Even if he didn't become intimate with her, he lied. What was the reason for lying? WHat was the reason for talking to the woman at all? Taking her out to dinner? You deserve to know the answers to your questions, and he needs to ask himself why he did it in the first place, and most of all, will it happen again.

I welcome your thoughts, let me know if you want to talk more.

Chase

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