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Ask TherapistMaryAnn Your Own Question

TherapistMaryAnn, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 1675
Experience:  Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues
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hey, so my girlfriend, well now exgirlfriend found out she ...

Customer Question

so my girlfriend, well now exgirlfriend wrote a question about our relationship on here. Im really not sure if we did the right thing in breaking up or not. She is a very negative person by the fact that when looking at a situation she takes the worst out of it. Me on the otherhand am a person that takes a positive outlook at life, like i think a good relationship is based on working stuff out together. Anyway, she says she wants to be friends because she still wants me in her life, and there may be a possible relationship in the future. She needs alot of help, counseling and stuff like that, because alot of stuff happend in her past, and i wasnt afraid to bring it up to try to help her. I guess my question is, do you think she can get better and become a put together person again, or do you think a person like this is can rarely go through life happy? she is a very unhappy person inside and all i wanna do is help her...
Submitted: 8 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Ms Chase replied 8 years ago.

Hello rpicc,

How old are the two of you?

How long were the two of you together?

So what is she doing now that you've broken up?

Is she going to counseling or doing anything different?


Customer: replied 8 years ago.
I am 20, but in a couple days I'll be 21, she is older but she is 21.

We were together for 6 months, although we were friends for 3 days and then started dating. We never took the step of gettin to know eachother as friends, mainly because she was graduating and leaving. But I did tell her I did not want sex for a while, because I wanted to get to know her. She has done long distance relationships her whole life, and the guys treated her like shit, so she usually fell into this idea of independence and not relying on anyone. I was different than most those guys, by the fact that I was always there for her. She was fine when we were doing long distance but when i visited her is when her feelings for me changed.

Now she is living with her mom, and this is not my place to say (because mother and daughter relationships are always a thing of their own). But her mom tends to put her down alot. The only thing that keeps her driving is going to culinary school.

She is not going to counseling. She has done it before we were dating, but ahe said she did not need it anymore since she found a great person like me to talk too, and was finally happy. When I told her the otherday, that when she goes to counseling she will feel better. She snapped at me. So I told her only you can be the one to decide to go to counseling, all im trying to do is give you that little push to go do it.

Overall, she really belives that she is not cut out for a relationship. She has gotten so much better since the first day I met her. But she started reverting back to her old ways when we started doing long distance. She also keeps saying to "go out and find a girl that deserves you." But she is just not interested in anyone right now and neither am i, so she is not doing this because she has found someone else. Its just that she runs away from things when they become real, and feels very trapped when she is in a relationship. She doesnt know if there will be something for us the future. The thing is, that this is something I know is good, and in all reality i know Im young, and i know an average person doesnt mentaly mature until they are 25. So I do belive that by still keeping in touch with her over the years we will realize how awsome we are for eachother. But I just wish that we could work through this stuff together, as a couple. Because I do still feel the need to hold her and kiss her. But Im willing to know her as a person before a relationship starts up again. But she keeps saying she doesnt know if a relationship will start up again. Do you think this person can mature and come the realization that what she had with me was what made her happy? If we take this slow this time can there be something for the future? Ive asked her these questions and she says she doesnt know.

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