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Ms Chase
Ms Chase, Life Coach
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 2897
Experience:  Over 20 yrs experience with Relationships, Sexuality, Friendship, and Family Issues
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my wife to be still wants to go out to clubs with her ...

Customer Question

my wife to be still wants to go out to clubs with her freinds and dont want me to go with them and that really aggravates me how do i tell her i want her to stop if she wants our realationship to last
Submitted: 9 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Ms Chase replied 9 years ago.

Hello Efso,

How long have you been married?

How old are the two of you?

Why doesn't she want you to go with her?

Do the two of you ever go out together?

Do you go out with your friends?

The more info you give me, the better I can help

Customer: replied 9 years ago.
we have been engaged for two months im 25 she is 28 she says she doesnt want me to go cause she needs to get away sometimes get some time to her self we go out and eat but not to clubs i dont go out with my freinds anymore because i feel like that would be disrespecting her we are an interacial couple im white she is black
Expert:  Ms Chase replied 9 years ago.

Hello Efso,

I have to say, she is right in that you both need to have outside activities, time to yourselves, and/or your own time to spend as you wish. The problem is that most people associate bars and clubs with being single and rightfully so. On the other hand, it really is a matter of trust. Do you trust her to go out and not cheat. Now keep in mind, I didn't say go out to the club, I said go out. Go to the store, work, park, club, her families, the beach, shoe shopping, food shopping, etc. Because the fact of the matter is, people are either cheaters, or they're not. If they are a cheater, they don't need to go to a club to find someone.

If you decided to go to the club with your friends, the only way that it would be disrespecting her is if you cheated on her or acted in any way that you would not act if she was standing right there. Keep in mind that it's possible that her experiences going out with friends may be different than your experiences. For example, the mindset that you and your friends (as men) went out with (ie; meet women, flirt, drink, bed women) may not necessarily be the mindset that her and her friends are in when they go out (ie; relax, talk to friends, have a drink, dance, have fun). A lot may have to do with your differing perceptions of what you get out of going to the club.

I don't know how long you've been dating, I'm assuming if you are engaged that you have been involved for far longer and know her very well. Well enough that you trust her and want to marry her. If you don't trust her then you want to rethink you're marriage plans and put more effort into getting to know her better.

If her going to the club is a dealbreaker to you, meaning you just will not stand for it, then you have to let her know that, but it doesn't necessarily mean that she will agree to stop. You will have to try and compromise with her and see if you can come up with a plan that you both can live with

I welcome your thoughts, let me know if you want to talk more

Chase

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