Can you tell me what the recent problem was?
Has he always been like this?
When will he finish school and be with you permanantly?
Has he ever been to counseling?
Thank you for the additional information. What you've told me is concerning. The fact is, if he was just your boyfriend, it might not be so concerning, but this is your husband. The fact is we live in a electronic world, both email accounts wouldn't fail, if you want to get in touch with someone there are a multitude of ways to do it. If it seems fishy, it probably is. Maybe not another woman, but certainly something that is making him act other than himself.
I understand what you're saying about his past, but the fact is we all have problems. If he can't deal with his problems, he will need to seek therapy to figure out a way to deal with them so that they don't affect his life, schooling, work, and those around him adversely. Keep an open mind about what he's doing, and how he's acting. Never say never and be prepared for anything when someone is not acting like themselves. The fact that his family hasn't been able to get in touch with him either, makes me think that he may have something he's ashamed of.
The fact that he didn't show up for your event is especially concerning.
When you do get a chance to talk to him, you have to work on this communication issue. The fact is, it may not get better, but worse. The best indication of future behavior is past behavior, and things won't likely change unless he feels incentive to change.
I'm not trying to scare you, I'm sure you're already upset. I do want you to be open to what might be going on with him, and you might want to let him know that you won't accept his excuses or behavior anymore. He's not acting like a husband, but someone you're dating who might not care so much about you. The two of you should be past that right now and working toward your future together.
I welcome your thoughts, let me now if you want to talk more
Well, his not showing up to your family event that you say was important is enough to cause you to be angry and to be on the defensive. What he needs to know is that this behavior is offensive to you and detrimental to your relationship. In other words, he needs to shape up and decide on his priorities. The not keeping in contact is hurtful and irresponsible and the not showing up at your event was just plain disrespectful. Remember that we teach people how to treat us, so if you don't get across to him how you feel, he may interpret that to mean it's ok for him to continue behaving in this manner.
Therapy is not the only option, but a good one if he seems to have a problem he can't fix on his own. Of course you can be caring and understanding, but he's not putting you in a position to express that. You can be strong, firm, a determined and that will help him far more than any coddling will. He needs to be straight with you and let you know what's going on, even if it will hurt you. You deserve to be in the know. Initially give him a chance to open up and see if he'll do it on his own. If not you're going to have to talk and let him know what your boundaries are.
Maybe nothing. Maybe he's backslid too many times and thinks it's ok, that you'll always be there. Love doesn't mean putting up with someone's abuse, and what he's doing by not calling and not showing up is emotionally abusive. You can give him ultimatums, but you have to be willing to stick by them or they are worthless. The problem wit an ultimatum is the end result may not be something you desire (separation), but the only way he may really pay attention is by experiencing that loss.
Make counseling mandatory. Ultimately you have to decide if his actions are showing love or are they showing something else. You have to decide if he's really what you need or if you're worse off by staying with him than leaving. We all have our limits, only you can know yours.
I'm always here if you want to talk. I may not say what you want to hear, but I will always tell you what I think you need to hear.
I think you're heading in the right direction, and i completely understand your feelings. It's important that you consider your husband a friend, but he is more than that now and needs to act like more than that. Would you allow your friends to treat you this way? It's hard to know whether its psychological or if he's doing it on purpose because isn't everything we do psychological, based on our desires and past experiences. Whats most important is if and when he's ready to stop hurting you. Whatever he's going through is not your fault (and don't you dare believe it is) and you should not be suffering for it. Go to him, see what he has to say and then listen to your gut. God gifted women with the most accurate lie detector in the world, women's intuition. We ignore it most of the time, but you need to pay close attention to it because your future may depend on it.