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Ms Chase
Ms Chase, Life Coach
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 2897
Experience:  Over 20 yrs experience with Relationships, Sexuality, Friendship, and Family Issues
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I HAVE BEEN DATING MT BOYFRIEND FOR 6 MONTHS AND WE JUST ...

Customer Question

I HAVE BEEN DATING MT BOYFRIEND FOR 6 MONTHS AND WE JUST RECENTLY CELEBRATED OUR 1ST VALENTINES.
Submitted: 6 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Ms Chase replied 6 years ago.

Hello Queen,

What is your question?

Chase

Customer: replied 6 years ago.
Reply to Ms Chase's Post: I HAVE BEEN DATING MY BOYFRIEND FOR 6 MONTHS AND WE JUST CELEBRATED OUR FIRST VALENTINES DAY. WE BOTH HAD TO WORK SO I KNEW IT WOULDNT BE A SO CALLED "ROMANTIC EVENING" BUT IT THOUGHT I WOULD AT LEAST GET A NICE CARD. HE DID COOK ME A NICE DINNER THAT HE PLANNED AND HE BOUGHT ME NICE SILVERWARE THAT I BEEN WANTING FOR MY NEW HOUSE, BOTH OF WHICH I APPRECIATE. HE TOLD ME THAT HE WAS GOING TO WRITE ME A LETTER CAUSE HE DOESNT DO CARDS. HE WOULD RATHER WRITE HIS OWN WORDS, BUT THAT HE HAD BEEN REALLY BUSY WITH WORK AND HADNT WROTE IT YET. HE SAID HE WOULD GO HOME AND WRITE IT OR EVEN EMAIL IT SO I WOULD HAVE IT ON VALENTINES DAY. KNOWING HE HAD A ROUGH DAY AND A LONG DAY THE NEXT DAY I TOLD HIM NOT TO WORRY ABOUT WRITING IT THAT EVENING BUT TO GIVE IT TO ME LATER...THAT WAS 2 WEEKS AGO. I HAVE KINDA MENTIONED A COUPLE TIMES AND HE HAS TOLD ME MAYBE HE WAS WORKING ON IT AND DROPPED THE SUBJECT. I DONT UNDERSTAND WHY HE TOLD ME HE WOULD WRITE IT AND EVEN WANTED TO GIVE IT TO ME THAT EVENING BUT HAS NOT FOLLOWED THROUGH. THIS MIGHT BE TRIVIAL BUT I FEEL THAT HE THINKS I AM NOT IMPORTANT OR HE DOESNT KNOW HOW HE FEELS ABOUT ME SO HE HASNT WRITTEN IT YET. HOW DO I TALK TO HIM ABOUT THIS WITHOUT BEING NEEDY PUSHY OR NAGGING. OR SHOULD I JUST LET IT GO.
Customer: replied 6 years ago.
MS CHASE HELP ME WITH MY ISSUE
Customer: replied 6 years ago.
OR WILL ANOTHER EXPERT HELP ME BEFORE IT CLOSES OUT THANKS
Expert:  Ms Chase replied 6 years ago.

Hello Queen,

I would probably mention it to him one more time and say something to the affect "I was really looking forward to reading what you were going to write me, are you really going to disappoint me?" and see what he says. Encourage him to send it to you as an email since that's probably easier than writing it on paper and see what happens. If he doesn't do it, it might not necessarily be a reflection of how he feels about you, but have a lot more to do with the fact that he may have thought he knew what he wanted to say and now cannot figure it out, or that he's not sure you will like it, or he doesn't think he can write it as good as he thought he could. Either way, the more time passes, the less importance he will place on it because Valentines day is over. Guys just don't think like we do, and they don't place the same importance on things that we do. The good news is he made you a nice dinner and bought you a beautiful, meaningful gift that you can cherish for a long time. If nothing else, thank him for that, and if you have to let the letter go until net time, do that.

I hope this helps. I welcome your thoughts, let me know if you want to talk more.

Warmly

Chase

Customer: replied 6 years ago.
I REALIZE THAT HE IS VERY BUSY WITH WORK AND HE USUALLY SPENDS EVERY FREE MOMENT WITH ME BY HIS CHOICE....HE DOESN'T EVEN KEEP UP WITH HIS GROCERY SHOPPING ECT. CAUSE HE CANT SEEM TO FIND THE TIME. HOWEVER, A LETTER ONLY TAKES 20 MINUTES TO WRITE IF YOU KNOW HOW YOU FEEL AND WHAT YOU WANT TO SAY. THE DAY I MENTIONED IT TO HIM WHEN HE SAID MAYBE HE WAS WORKING ON IT WAS A DAY HE HAD OFF AND I WAS WORKING ALL DAY....SO HE HAD THE WHOLE DAY TO TAKE A FEW MINUTES TO WRITE IT.....INSTEAD HE PLAYED VIDEO GAMES AND WATCH TV. WHICH I KNOW HE DESERVES TO UNWIND AND I SURE WRITING ME A LETTER IS NOT HIS IDEA OF RELAXATION OR FUN, BUT HE IS THE ONE WHO SAID HE WOULD WRITE IT AND GET IT TO ME ASAP.....I AM JUST WORRIED HE DOESNT FEEL THE SAME AS ME AND THATS WHY HE IS HESITATING ON THE LETTER....MAYBE WAITING TO SEE IF I WILL FORGET ABOUT IT....AM I PUTTING TO MUCH EMPHASIS ON THIS? HE DOES OTHER THINGS TO SHOW ME HE CARES....BUT SOMETIMES YOU WANT TO BE TOLD...ESP WHEN THEY PROMISE TO DO THINGS...I THINK HE SHOULD FOLLOW THROUGH
Expert:  Ms Chase replied 6 years ago.

You should mention to him what I told you to say. You can't assume that a letter would take him 20 minutes to write, you also can't assume that this is something that's easy for him. Men are just not built like we are. My husband told me the first year we met he was going to write me a love letter, it's been 8 years, still no letter, but plenty of other good things. I know you want the letter, and I know what it probably means to you, but you can't hold onto it if he just doesn't feel like he can do it. It's what he does not what he says that really matters anyway and if he's a good man otherwise then yes, you may be putting too much emphasis on it. I don't think how he feels about you is tied into whether or not he writes the letter, but if you keep pushing it and he keeps resisting, it could become a point of contention in the relationship and you don't want that.

Chase

Ms Chase, Life Coach
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 2897
Experience: Over 20 yrs experience with Relationships, Sexuality, Friendship, and Family Issues
Ms Chase and 2 other Relationship Specialists are ready to help you
Customer: replied 6 years ago.
THANKS FOR THE ADVICE. I THINK YOUR RIGHT HE IS BUSY AND JUST KINDA PUSHED IT TO THE SIDE. I THINK I WILL MENTION HOW I APPRECIATE ALL HE DID FOR ME BUT I WAS LOOKING FORWARD TO THE LETTER. OR I MAY LEAVE IT ALONE. HE IS A GOOD MAN AND IS GOOD TO ME. BUT IT IS EARLY IN OUR RELATIONSHIP AND I WANT HIM TO KNOW THAT I VALUE KEEPING YOUR WORD AND FOLLOWING THROUGH WITH WHAT YOU SAY YOUR GOING TO DO, WITHOUT BEING NAGGY OR PUSHY. I WOULD GIVE HIM THE SAME RESPECT.
Expert:  Ms Chase replied 6 years ago.
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