How JustAnswer Works:

  • Ask an Expert
    Experts are full of valuable knowledge and are ready to help with any question. Credentials confirmed by a Fortune 500 verification firm.
  • Get a Professional Answer
    Via email, text message, or notification as you wait on our site.
    Ask follow up questions if you need to.
  • 100% Satisfaction Guarantee
    Rate the answer you receive.

Ask Theresa Your Own Question

Theresa
Theresa, Psychologist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 877
Experience:  PhD. Clinical Psychology
Type Your Relationship Question Here...
Theresa is online now
A new question is answered every 9 seconds

I'm divorced & been seeing a married man for 2+years.

Resolved Question:

I'm divorced & been seeing a married man for 2+years. He lives apart from his wife due to job & obvious that he's not happy. We have been very close. Because I feel this isn't going anywhere, he's happy with 2 lives and I have only 1. So after staying w/him it suddenly occurred me me that I had to stop. Couldn't do it face to face so on my way out the door, I handed him a note. I've been crying ever since, it's been 5 hours. Was I wrong in writing it or should I have told him face to face? Although I believe he knew this would happen I'm sure he's been thrown for a loop. I do love him very much.
Submitted: 6 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Theresa replied 6 years ago.

HelloCustomer

First I would like to tell you that I am sorry to hear of the sadness that you are experiencing from leaving a man that you love... The emotion on the other hand is very normal in all of its pain...

I also want to let you know that though we have never met face to face, I admire the courage that you have demonstrated by looking inward, reaching an appropriate decision and following through with it.

The decision to leave was one of the best choices you will ever have made regarding your future... Being that this man is married and as you state "happy living two lives" strongly suggests that he has no desire to make any life changes for your relationship. It also suggests that he loves himself before you and even before his living wife.

Crying for 5 hours is nothing and I don't mean for this to sound unimportant... When a relationship is broken it is closely identified to death in that the same emotions are experienced. As you know death is a permanent thing and when a break up or divorce takes place in a relationship whereby one of the parties loved selflessly the realization that it is over makes it a permanent loss. If you are still crying in two years then you need to become concerned. What you should really notice is that with each passing month you will cry less. If it appears that you are becoming more depressed I am suggesting that you see a medical doctor and a therapist to prevent your depression from becoming long term.

You may not be aware of this but if you handed the note to him on the way out the door... You did address the subject matter face to face... Do not allow yourself to think otherwise. had you acted in a cowardly manner you would have left while he was at work, never saying anything.

I can't say that I agree with you when you say that he's been thrown a loop... Think about this for a minute... If he has been thrown a loop then he is unaware that he is legally married and should not have involved any one other than his wife to provide him the security and reassurance of being loved.

The only loop that I can possibly consider would be the one that has pulled him through life believing that he can always have his way. He was probably shocked that you took action and stood up for yourself... Let's see if and when he looks you up to attempt to answer something of this nature.

I sincerely XXXXX XXXXX peace will come to you again and quickly for you are innocent victim in the is relationship.

The only thing that you have done that is wrong is to love another that is unavilable to you physically and emotionally for this prevents a true relationship from forming. There for you have only hurt yourself.

If this information has been helpful to you then please do ACCEPT by clicking on the green button on your screen for this is how we are compensated for our work. Positive feedback is always appreciated too!

If I can be of assistance to you in the future, you may request my help by typing:

ATTN: Terri60 before typing your question on the header or subject line and submitting it!

Terri

 

Theresa, Psychologist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 877
Experience: PhD. Clinical Psychology
Theresa and 3 other Relationship Specialists are ready to help you

JustAnswer in the News:

 
 
 
Ask-a-doc Web sites: If you've got a quick question, you can try to get an answer from sites that say they have various specialists on hand to give quick answers... Justanswer.com.
JustAnswer.com...has seen a spike since October in legal questions from readers about layoffs, unemployment and severance.
Web sites like justanswer.com/legal
...leave nothing to chance.
Traffic on JustAnswer rose 14 percent...and had nearly 400,000 page views in 30 days...inquiries related to stress, high blood pressure, drinking and heart pain jumped 33 percent.
Tory Johnson, GMA Workplace Contributor, discusses work-from-home jobs, such as JustAnswer in which verified Experts answer people’s questions.
I will tell you that...the things you have to go through to be an Expert are quite rigorous.
 
 
 

What Customers are Saying:

 
 
 
  • Wonderful service, prompt, efficient, and accurate. Couldn't have asked for more. I cannot thank you enough for your help. Mary C. Freshfield, Liverpool, UK
< Last | Next >
  • Wonderful service, prompt, efficient, and accurate. Couldn't have asked for more. I cannot thank you enough for your help. Mary C. Freshfield, Liverpool, UK
  • This expert is wonderful. They truly know what they are talking about, and they actually care about you. They really helped put my nerves at ease. Thank you so much!!!! Alex Los Angeles, CA
  • Thank you for all your help. It is nice to know that this service is here for people like myself, who need answers fast and are not sure who to consult. GP Hesperia, CA
  • I couldn't be more satisfied! This is the site I will always come to when I need a second opinion. Justin Kernersville, NC
  • Just let me say that this encounter has been entirely professional and most helpful. I liked that I could ask additional questions and get answered in a very short turn around. Esther Woodstock, NY
  • Thank you so much for taking your time and knowledge to support my concerns. Not only did you answer my questions, you even took it a step further with replying with more pertinent information I needed to know. Robin Elkton, Maryland
  • He answered my question promptly and gave me accurate, detailed information. If all of your experts are half as good, you have a great thing going here. Diane Dallas, TX
 
 
 

Meet The Experts:

 
 
 
  • Dear Debra

    Advice Columnist

    Satisfied Customers:

    1719
    I have been an Advice columnist for 14 years. My column is published weekly in local newpapers.
< Last | Next >
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/DE/deedeeham/2011-1-24_51523_408.64x64.JPG Dear Debra's Avatar

    Dear Debra

    Advice Columnist

    Satisfied Customers:

    1719
    I have been an Advice columnist for 14 years. My column is published weekly in local newpapers.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/formybunch/2010-12-06_191055_img_0975.jpg Kate McCoy's Avatar

    Kate McCoy

    Counselor

    Satisfied Customers:

    1235
    Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/RE/resolutions66/2011-1-17_05728_IMG8202smilingeditedforJustAnswer.64x64.jpg Elliott, LPCC, NCC's Avatar

    Elliott, LPCC, NCC

    Psychotherapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    1215
    35 years of experience as a Licensed Professional Clinical Counselor, National Certified Counselor and a college professor.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/CO/CoachJenK/2012-3-9_31019_Jen.64x64.jpg Coach Jen K.'s Avatar

    Coach Jen K.

    LMSW, CPC

    Satisfied Customers:

    726
    Providing the utmost care and support.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/IN/intrapsyc.com/2012-2-20_161928_RGMTPicturex5002012.64x64.png Rafael M.T.Therapist's Avatar

    Rafael M.T.Therapist

    Psychotherapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    549
    MHT-MHRS-MS-MA Integral Psychotherapist & Life Coach
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/HU/hungryjack20/IMG_1281_edit_2.64x64.jpg Dr. L's Avatar

    Dr. L

    Psychologist

    Satisfied Customers:

    349
    Licensed as a Psychologist and Marriage & Family Therapist.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/SU/suzmsw/2011-9-2_184634_Thisone.64x64.JPG Suzanne's Avatar

    Suzanne

    Therapist, LCSW

    Satisfied Customers:

    338
    Experienced in treating trauma, relationship issues, co-dependency