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Theresa
Theresa, Psychologist
Category: Relationship
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Experience:  PhD. Clinical Psychology
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My boyfriend now ex him 28 me 26 he in another country than ...

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My boyfriend now ex him 28 me 26 he in another country than me I took very serious as far as having a future we were very close 4 years together we did letters, calls, IM, lots of flying etc.. as much as we can.. we took it serious and had plans of a visa and a future. One day I lost my position at work and so he decided to help me with bills for the next few was also a student so work was hard to do with hours. In the process of this he went into debt.. from so much funds with bills and his. I offered that once i got a job I do now and out school id help pay him back, but he said he didnt want the money just to have to stop sending so he can get on his feet. One day I made a comment to him that he didnt like it he took it really serious more than i had expected.. and broke up with me stating I should of not did that ( I think he felt I take him for granted) it was immature of me I agree but very subtle. I have asked him if he loves me he says yes... he also wont take me off his Im I dont know if that is for pity reasons if he feels i may come crawling for money and he doesnt want to abandon me for that or he wants to be on for other reasons yet told me it ended .. What are my chances? What is going on? Is there a way to fix this? How do I go about this? This has been the guy Id love to marry. I unfortantly acted needy for 2 weeks but now am giving space I do feel that he is hurt.. but I am too and I feel by walking away hes not being mature and talking this out... I feel money shouldnt come between us and that he takes me for granted by walking away I mean I have waited and been dedicated just as much as him, I understand he has done and worked a lot for the money though and I never have felt I take him for granted, I am shocked that one comment built him over edge like that. Im not sure what to do here.. or if I can do anything, I have wrote him a card... it was in my needy stage.. but now im doing the space, I do hope he wakes up but he may not ever come back. He feels I have tested his patience with the comment I made. I never meant to hurt him and I am hurt that he is hurt. He basically puts it I made a mistake, and end of the story now.
Submitted: 6 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Theresa replied 6 years ago.

Hi Babylover:

The fact that the two of you are living apart from one another creates a stress for both of you. He may have misinterpreted what you were trying to tell him and if he did, this is probably the reason that he became upset over the comment.

To tell you what your chances are would not be appropriate for no one could really put a percentage on this other than saying 50/50. From the information that you have provided I do believe that he has kept you on his IM list because he cares about you and for no reason but this.

I am going to suggest that you take a moment and write out on paper how you are feeling about this. I am referring to the things that you have mentioned in your post... You love him... You did not mean for him to get upset you were only trying to be helpful because you appreciate the care he has given you, etc.

When you are done call or send him this information in an IM. You say that you have given his space and this time has most likely allowed him to have the chance to think about his hasty decision to call things off. If he is in love with you he will welcome the IM because many men (women also) do not like to admit they may have acted in error. Your message will get him out of the hot seat so to speak if this is the situation.

Terri

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Theresa, Psychologist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 877
Experience: PhD. Clinical Psychology
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Theresa
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PhD. Clinical Psychology