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Theresa
Theresa, Psychologist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 877
Experience:  PhD. Clinical Psychology
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Long story short I met this guy three months ago

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Long story short I met this guy three months ago he went to boot camp graduated the 1 of feb we wrote each other a lot. He wrote me several text messages that following monday and asked me to marry him. The next night we talked on the phone till 2am he said he was very sick though with 102.4 temp. The next day after that he didn''t call or write at all even though the previous night he said he would and that he loved me. Well thursday I finally sent him a message to ask if he was ok he said he wasn''t and that thanks baby I''m going back to bed. Well my mother called to ask him what was going on that Friday and he said he had been very ill and that all next week he was going to spend time with his daughter that she was his number one priority. Well I called him this monday and no answer I left him a voice mail to call me back and it''s now Thursday no call. Did he just ditch me or am I being paranoid? He did tell my mother that he would call me when he was feeling better. Any thoughts?
Submitted: 6 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Theresa replied 6 years ago.

Hello:

Giving a specific answer to your question would really be impossible in that I don't have th chance to ask the boy directly if he has ditched you! Wink I'm sure that you can understand what I am saying in this.

A strong possibility that may explain this follows and is based on the information that you have provided.

You indicate that you spoke with him on Tuesday and he told you that he was very sick. I would think that this is why he didn't call you on Wednesday even though he said that he would... It is possible that he just felt like yuck and didn't want to get out of bed...

On Thursday he replied to your text message which tells me that you were still on his mind and in his heart...

The concern that I have begins on Friday when your Mom called him to find out what was going on... In addition to the fact that he has not called you since that time...

The rest of my answer is based on my experience working with couples...

He has been away from you for two weeks now... And during a time that he was sick he was hounded by your mother calling him to find out what was going on... (I am using your comment here)

He most likely figured that he doesn't need this or he may not want to put up with our mother for the rest of his life. He is probably thinking that he wants you but figures that to have you he will have to put up with her too. He may also be thinking that is you can not trust him when he has done nothing for you to mistrust him (after all people do get sick) that he will have to face the judge (your mom) so to speak every time you aren't sure of something he says or does.

In honesty this is not something most men or women want in a relationship. This is also very understandable. If you had concerns or do have concerns, you should talk to him about them directly. After all it is you and he that make up the couple.

He may be taking the time to consider these things as I type this response to you. Or he could simply just be enjoying his time with his daughter being that he said this was his #1 priority. For this he is to be admired for there are so many parents that leave their children on the back burner.

Don't expect him to contact you just because it is Valentines day either. I was married to a wonderful man for years and he never remembered the holidays. This is not a sign of love or romance. You see my husband never missed an anniversary-- not one--Our first date... The day we married... The day each of our children were born... and my birthday... He also had reason for this.

He said without my birth his life would not have been complete. Our first date was the beginning of his life... Our wedding was the day that the whole world knew I was his... And our beautiful children... he thanked me every time I gave birth... he said that this was because for every child that we had, the world would have the opportunity to be blessed by my beauty and our love and he could see it blossom as he watched them grow.

I offer you this as an example... not to bore you with my life... but to show you that men are unique in their own way.

If I were you I would send him a simple text... Happy Valentines Day Sweetie... I Love You... Hoping that the time you have with your little one creates wonderful memories for both of your futures... Looking forward to your return and hearing your sexy voice again...

Then sit back and wait... Being over zealous could send him on his way if he is having doubts. A message like the one I have suggested could re validate his feelings for you.

I do hope that all works out for you. If you ever need to talk again I am here.

Terri

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Customer: replied 6 years ago.
I sent him a message yesterday saying Happy Valentines day and still no response. Now what do I do?
Expert:  Theresa replied 6 years ago.

Hi heart:

If you have not heard anything from him then I will have to advise as I did yesterday.

Then sit back and wait... Being over zealous could send him on his way if he is having doubts. A message like the one I have suggested could re validate his feelings for you.

I don't think that it is in your best interest to continue to keep trying to contact him while he is with his daughter. I believe that the text message was a great way for him to know that you are still thinking of him.

If he is only going to see his daughter for a week let him have this time. If he is due back to work on Monday the 18th of February and does not contact you at this time, then I would actual call him on Tuesday and confront him. I would be very polite when I did this also. Not for the purpose of hoping to gain anything back but to be sure that he doesn't realize that you are upset.

Personally, I don't even know that I would call. If he doesn't respond to you by this time it may be his impolite way of ditching you... This is also why you would be polite should you decide to call.

If you do just tell him the truth and nicely... Let him know that you don't mean to bother him if he is busy but also let him know that you feel as though he doesn't want to be with you any longer as he hasn't called you, etc. Tell him that if this is true that you accept it but you would just appreciate hearing it from him instead of waiting for something that may never come.

Unfortunately, this is all that you can really do. As I thought on your situation further, I have to say... It really doesn't make sense for someone to ask you to marry them and then vanish... If he is the type that isn't sincere then you are better off to find out now instead of yers later when you have invested a portion of your life in him... Three months is nothing compared to three or more years... Even though the hurt can be just as strong for a while.

Terri

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Theresa, Psychologist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 877
Experience: PhD. Clinical Psychology
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