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Ms Chase
Ms Chase, Life Coach
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 2897
Experience:  Over 20 yrs experience with Relationships, Sexuality, Friendship, and Family Issues
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Drug use (see details)

Resolved Question:

My boyfriend got a call last night from his 14-year-old nephew. His nephew is concerned because he has discovered that his mom and her boyfriend have been smoking pot in the house they all share (his mom and boyfriend have been together for 12 years). He has found a bong in his mom's room, and says that they go back in the bedroom in the evenings "every once in awhile" to smoke, he suspects. Robert, my boyfriend, wants to call his sister (who is ten years older than he is), but he has no idea how to approach the subject. He can't do it face-to-face becasue we live in Cincinnati and she lives in North Carolina. Any advice on how he should do this?
Submitted: 9 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Ms Chase replied 9 years ago.

Hello Tim,

Not to downplay the pot use, but what particularly is the son's concern?

Is your bf close to his sister?

How is the son going to explain snooping in his mom's room?



Customer: replied 9 years ago.
I think his nephew is concerned because they have money problems and he might think that this drug use contributes to it. They live in a trailer in rural North Carolina, and his nephew found a pot plant in the woods. I am not sure of his main conern, but just the fact that his mom is using illegal drugs in the house is bothering him enough to talk to his uncle about it.

My boyfriend and his sister are as close as they can be, I think, considering the age difference. Also, even though he is younger (28), he is the responsible one. (He went to college, while she did not, he is better with money than her, etc).

Lastly, I do not know what to expect about the snooping part question. Plus, I brought up the fact that his sister will want to know how my boyfriend found out about the pot use in the first place.

I just think it is unusual for a 14-year-old to call his uncle about something like this. I think it shows maturity on his nephew's part. I smoked pot years ago in college, but doing it in your house while your teenagers are there is a totally different thing. I think my bf just wants to see what the heck is going on.

Does this help?
Expert:  Ms Chase replied 9 years ago.


Yes, actually it does help. I would call the nephew back first and see what he wants his uncle to do. Maybe he just needed to vent, maybe he's nervous about the legalities of it.

I can see the mother getting upset if she thought her son was in her room, going thru her things, which he definitely should not be doing (his uncle might want to tell him that). I'm thinking, if he found a pot plant in the woods, that could be the excuse for his concern. Your bf could say that he was talking to the nephew and he mentioned that him (and his friends?) found a pot plant in the woods and does she know how it got there? Try and keep the nephew out of it as much as possible.

Of course she may deny knowledge, and it's possible it might not be hers, but your bf could take the stance "Even if it's not yours, you need to be concerned about who could plant something like that on your property, all of you could go to jail, because the police are not going to believe it doesn't belong to you. I'm not accusing you, what you do is your business, but kids aren't dumb, so if you are doing something, be careful not to expose your son to it, etc"

I welcome your thoughts, let me know if you want to talk more



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