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Ms Chase
Ms Chase, Life Coach
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 2897
Experience:  Over 20 yrs experience with Relationships, Sexuality, Friendship, and Family Issues
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Im openly gay but my lover isnt. He has so many

Resolved Question:

I''m openly gay but my lover isn''t. He has so many insecurities: he judges every single person that''s walked passed him, he''s obsessed with being thin. He decided that he didn''t want a relationship anymore, I think he is just scared. I''m tired of hiding him. I don''t know whether to use tough love. After everything we have been through together in the last 7 years as best friends. I just do not know what to do anymore.
Submitted: 8 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Ms Chase replied 8 years ago.
Answered via Just Answer Chat.
Expert:  Ms Chase replied 8 years ago.

Hello neo,

Are you still intimatly involved with him?

How old are the two of you?

Do you live together?

Has he broken up with you?


Customer: replied 8 years ago.
Reply to Ms Chase's Post: Hi

I;m 18, he's 17. We were sexually involved with each other up until recent. I am not sure but I think what we have is deeper than love, if that makes any sense.

We live with our own parents. An yes he has broken up.
Expert:  Ms Chase replied 8 years ago.

Hello Neo,

When you say 'use tough love' can you tell me exactly what you mean?

Why do you think he won't come out?

How is his life otherwise (school, family, other friends, etc)?


Customer: replied 8 years ago.
Reply to Ms Chase's Post: Hi

When I say tough love I mean just telling him how everything it is, to the face, no cover ups, nothing.

I think he doesn't want to come out becuase he's scared, his family life at home isn't the best.

At college, he's too competetive with his friends, he judges everybody that walks passed him.
Expert:  Ms Chase replied 8 years ago.

Hello Neo,

I'm a firm believer in tough love. Sometimes people need to hear the truth, or at least exactly how you feel about the situation. Sometimes it can break up a friendship, other times it can make the bond stronger. You have to be prepared for it to go either way, because some people can react very badly to you holding a mirror up to their issues.

As for him coming out, that's a personal choice. No one should ever be dragged out. He has to come out in his own time, when he is ready to do it. His reluctance to come out could be directly related to his competitiveness and low self esteem. The fact that he belittles or judges others means he doesn't think much of himself, so he has to show how much worse are others are than him to make himself feel better.

I don't know what his home life is like, but these are signs tat his family life isn't that great. These are some things he may be able to deal with effectively when he gets older, maybe out on his own, but he more than likely needs to see a therapist or a counselor who can work with him on some of his issues. If his family won't help him see someone, it's something you can encourage when he's able to make his own decisions.

I welcome your thoughts, let me know if you want to talk more


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