So have you continued to be around her and her husband since we last spoke a few weeks ago?
What are your feelings about anything you do being the cause of ruining her marriage?
Hello again, I have been well, thank you for asking. I hope that you have been well. I see that you are still struggling with the same issue and have not really done what we had decided on. My thoughts are that you are in love with her (obviously) and are not entertaining the thought of being away from her. I told you what I thought you should do, what I thought was right, but the botXXXXX XXXXXne is I don't have to live your life.
If you have lost someone to someone else then you have an idea of what her husband might feel. My biggest concern is that you are spending time with her husband as well, I think that is a very bad thing to do. Even if they split up because of their own problems, if he ever finds out that the two of you are involved, he will never believe that you weren't backstabbing him the whole time. If nothing else, stay away from him, even if you are still communicating with her.
Something tells me that you want someone to tell you it's ok to move forward, express your love for her and come what may, but I still don't believe that you should come between the two of them. If they split up, thats one thing, but you telling her how you could feel is influencing her and could be what pushes the marriage over the edge.
I'm proud of you for staying sober and for dropping your bad habits. Maybe you can give her (and him) a little more time to figure out what they want to do. I thought that's what we had agreed to do, give them more time and see how it went. If it's impossible for you to do that, then maybe you should go ahead and tell her how you feel and let the chips all where they may. There's just no guarantee that no one will get hurt, including you. There's is also no guarantee of a fairy tail ending, there rarely is in real life. We can only hope to find someone that has the same goals in life and loves you like you need to be loved.
I welcome your thoughts, let me know if you want to talk more
Ms. Chase will be with you shortly. I sincerely XXXXX XXXXX she has given you very sound and correct advice regarding you dilemma.
I also want to let you know that I am not trying to invade your conversation. As an expert in JA relationship category it is not uncommon for us to view one another's work to learn and to offer support for times occur that each of us can see different things than the other.
This is why I have entered. While reading through all of your posts with MS. Chase there are a couple things that I believe you might want to consider and address them with Ms. Chase when she returns or when you have finished them.
While she has provided sound advice for you it appears as though you are somewhat stuck, in that you still have a need for someone to give you approval to engage in something that is morally unacceptable to you. If you thought that it was alright you would not be experiencing a struggle as you are, you would jump in and do it.
These are the things you may need to consider while looking for the answer to your question.
1. You state that she has invited you to church with her...How many churches do you know of that condone adultery?
2. You state that she is virtually an angel...What would you think of a woman that would flaunt a potential lover in front of her church family and bring embarrassment to her husband?
3. I have not seen one area that she has pursued you at all with reference to a romance.
You did state Today was the first time that she implied . Is it possible that you misinterpreted this? Implications are easily heard in a different voice by everyone that hears them.
I think she wants to see me without him, but has been careful not to be obvious.
Note that you have used the work think... Are you aware that the mind is so powerful that in situations such as yours...The desire that you have for this woman can allow you to see, think and hear things that are not there at all?
You've also indicated that you don't believe that her husband really likes you...Perhaps, he and his wife have been kind to you but your persistence to be with them has brought him to the point of disgust for his patience and tolerance are exhausted.
What size chains is her husband holding her down with...You state that she has hinted, indicated, etc. that she is not happy and wants to leave. Being that she is still with him I am led to believe that he must have her chained up and locked in a closet. If you say that this is not true then I would ask you what is keeping her there?
I so agree with Ms. Chase that for you to conquer an addiction is wonderful...Did you learn while you were in treatment that there are many forms of addiction and have you asked your self if what you are experiencing may be another addiction...It really sounds like it is to me.
And if it is and you win the lady away from her husband, the day will come that she resents and eventually hates you for even if she is unhappy no one, and I mean no one can leave one relationship and enter another successfully without first processing it. This process takes from 3 to 5 years.
With this if she's unhappy and joins you it will only be because she will view you as her savior...After she has processed her feelings reality will set in and when she begins to resent you for encouraging her to leave you will have a very different picture of the Angel.
Yes, do discuss these things with Miss Chase!
You are so very welcome and if you need to talk before Ms. Chase returns, I will be glad to help you. I see that it has been some time since your last communication...Just wanted you to know that you are not alone and you can talk if you need to...
I was so concerned when I read and saw this...You said that you had been hurt before and I just thought...pop yourself in Terri...The man has been through a lot already...While you have also shared a few victories (alcohol) and a big one...I would not want to see you hurt again.
I apologize for getting back to you so late, I had a family emergency.
It seems that Terri took the words right out of my mouth, you are torn between doing what you want and doing what is right, and your emotions are so precarious right now that it would only take a little bit of encouragement for you to feel you have permission to "take it to the next level" so to speak. You seem to me to have gotten to a point in your life where you are proud of your accomplishments, and are comfortable with the life you have made for yourself, and you should be. The only thing that could complete it is to have someone to share it with. You see this woman and she completes something in you, but yet she is not single. You've said that you've been hurt, you said that you like him and wouldn't want to hurt him and that you wont commit adultery, but yet this still plagues you. Thats what love does, it makes you look at something that's totally wrong and be ok with it, "if lovin you is wrong, I don't wanna be right", we're not the same person and we do and say things we wouldn't normally, we're more accepting and patient with someone we're in love with. The problem is, other people, innocent people are involved, and someone always gets hurt.
If it's unbearable then at least follow your dad's idea of no more than once a month and see how it goes. No meeting alone, no long phone calls, and try to wean off of once a month after a while. If her marriage is going to last then it will and if it isn't then she makes the choice to leave because she can't be with him, not because of the excitement and newness of another person. Pray for her to be happy and maybe hope one day it will be with you. It's not impossible, just not very fair to her husband.
I would like to know what you think
Your question continues to show as open. Is there something else that I can help you with?
If not, let me know ...
Hope that when you receive this message that you are having a wonderful day!
Hi again :)
Everything is well, you know how it goes. It's good to hear back from you as well. I do strive to put myself in your position and understand where you're coming from, because that is what will enable me to give you the best response, of course in my opinion. There are many variables, but there's always a botXXXXX XXXXXne. Of course I can only know the information you allow me to know, and my answers are always based on what you tell me.
Love is not always an easy road, sometimes it cuts like a knife and turns into the most exquisite pain. Yet we accept it willingly because even at it's worst, nothing is better than love. If you get a chance, I want you to pick up a book called The Prophet, by Khalil Gibran and read what he has to say about love. You can read it here.
I can tell that you feel a strong love for her, its just not an appropriate time to express it. I don't think that love makes the right choices all the time and since we cannot control who we love (love chooses us), it can sometimes lead to a uncomfortable situation. We have to remember that although we have been chosen by love, it is up to us to do what is right.
Rebound relationships rarely work out because we are usually just looking for a band aide and at the moment of pain it doesn't matter who or what that band aid is. It not until the pain starts to go away that we look up at what we used as a band aid and go "what was I thinking?!?" It's not that it's impossible for it to work out, it's just that it usually doesn't.
As I told you before, I am always here, so if you want to talk, you know what to do, just post..if you like, you can ask for me by putting my name in the subject line and I will be right with you. Please do have a good time with your family visit, maybe it will help you keep your mind off of things for a little while. Try to keep your contact with her to a minimum and let things progress naturally. She has a lot of decisions to make, but she needs to make them because she wants to, not because she thinks something better might be over the next hill.
Keep me updated. Talk to you soon
Yes, I did get your accept, thank you. You can leave the question and it will close out on it's own. You're very welcome and I'm here anytime you want to talk. I will keep you in my thoughts and wish the best for you.