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Ms Chase
Ms Chase, Life Coach
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 2897
Experience:  Over 20 yrs experience with Relationships, Sexuality, Friendship, and Family Issues
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my husband hit me a couple of times, but beside that we had ...

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Customer: replied 6 years ago.
my husband hit me a couple of times, but beside that we had other relationship problems, which was affection, me having to do everything, sex, his poor communication, since the last voilent act took place. i have left him. he wants me back its been 8.5 months since we have been apart. the pain he cause me and everything else that is wrong with the marriage of 5 years. what should i do. i feel bad that i left him. he dont know how to control his anger he blow up. besides that im kind of scare of that their is so more things that is wrong with our marriage. i dont think it would workim confuse.. i feel bad that i left him but and i wont take him back am i wrong? im confuse help
Expert:  Ms Chase replied 6 years ago.

Hello Lost,

How old are the two of you?

Can you tell me about the other problems

  • affection
  • you having to do everything
  • sex
  • poor communication

What do you do when he hits you? what does he do?

Do you think it's your fault that he can't control his anger or blows up?

Why do you feel bad that you left him?

Chase

Customer: replied 6 years ago.
IM 32yrs old he is 38yrs old.
affection- he doesn't not show me any affection, around other women. he gives them more attention than me..
having to do everything,, working, making futrue plans he gives me know help with ideas, he just sit there like im talking to the wall.. even when it came to his driver license he refuse to get on until last year.. so it made it impossible to for to attend school,, because i had to pick him up. plus work no time for school, plus he stated that he didnt want me to attend to better myself and get a better playing job that i would enjoying,, instead of a dead end job..
i dont think and know that it not my fault of his anger.. because his poor communication, when something is wrong or borther him, he wont talk about it. he holds it in the when cant take it anymore he get out of control..
that's i get hit for.. his friends have told lies to him. the same ones states to him i wish i could find a wife like yours.. you have a good wife.. they trun around and tells lies on me.. he dont even talk to me about it. he just get mad after it boil in him then the bomb goes off..
the last time he chase me down the street telling he he was goin to kill me...beleiveing his friends once again.. i ended it because of it. so now he has come to see and realize it not true and now wants me back.. i have fear if we are together he let everything to be held in then the bomb goes off.. i dont feel safe with him

sex: none at all im not attracted to him in that way he just get on top cum and then thats it...all about himself no matter how much i complain.. he doesnt make me feel like a woman at all more like a dog...

why do i feel bad that i left him? it's like he makes me feel bad, he makes me feel like i just surpose to forget all that has happen.. im afraid for my life.. he dont want to understand.. he states that he change but soon after that he he holds his problems in then take them out on me...he makes me feel bad for standing up for myself because he wants me back.. im not the only person that he does this too..

i want to understand that im doning right for my saftey and happens for my life..

i have been having a friend for about 6months and this man respect me, accept me for who iam.. doesnt believe in hitting women.. easy to talk to when there is a problem.. he has been a really good friend to me...
its not about me having a friend i just wannt to make sure the thing that im doing by ending the marriage completly is right thing to do is to start new and let the losser go
Expert:  Ms Chase replied 6 years ago.

Lost,

I'll make this easy for you. You made the right decision. Period.

The way you are feeling is correct. You have absolutely made the best decisions about leaving him. You are entitled to feel safe, happy and loved. There is no way that he should be putting his hands on you, for any reason at any time. PERIOD. If you stay with him, it's only a matter of time before he hurts you badly or even kills you. Don't you deserve to feel loved? Don't you deserve to feel respected?

Sometimes when we are involved with someone, they get to know us so well, that they learn how to push our buttons and affect our emotions whether for good or bad. He knows how to push your buttons, make you feel guilty and make you feel sorry for him, but it's all an act. If you do any research into men that hit women, you will see that this is a cycle that they go through. They hit and apologize and then for a while, they are the sweetest thing in the world, until the next time they hit you.

He doesn't give you attention, he doesn't communicate with you, the sex is terrible and lacks passion, he doesn't want to better himself, nor does he want you to do better, he believes what anyone tells you and to top it off he is abusive. There's nothing he can tell you that can make up for 5 years of this, and in my opinion you did the best thing, the SAFE thing for yourself and you have to get to a point of recognizing that you deserve to be happy, and you deserve to have a good life. It's nice that your friend treats you good, but it's really not about having someone new, but about recognizing your worth and your importance and above all loving yourself above everyone else. You don't sound lost to me, you sound like you made a great decision.

Chase

Ms Chase, Life Coach
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 2897
Experience: Over 20 yrs experience with Relationships, Sexuality, Friendship, and Family Issues
Ms Chase and other Relationship Specialists are ready to help you
Customer: replied 6 years ago.

Thank you for you anwer. i need to reinsure myself that i made the right descision.. he calls evert day tryin to make up and saying he chang. my friend i have makes me feel like a woman. he talks to me, makes me laugh.. i dont have any support and he have been a great person standing by my side.. very respectful of me and his self..

 

Is going to hurt to tell him its it but thats just what i got to do. i miss the good times with him but the bad time overide all of that..

 

Expert:  Ms Chase replied 6 years ago.

Lost,

Be strong for yourself. He had a chance to do right and he chose not to. I know you have heard this before, once a man hits you, he will always hit you. He will apologize and beg and plead....that is all part of his illness. What he has is an illness, and you cannot fix him, he has to do that for himself.

If you have someone who loves you as you say they do, why are you even second guessing yourself? Why would you even look back at all that pain and suffering and consider giving him another chance to hurt you. Close that door on your past and move forward. Never let another man put his hands on you or treat you that way, because you are a human being with a heart and you deserve to be treated the way you want to be treated.

I'm always here if you want to talk.

Chase

Customer: replied 6 years ago.
thank you chase so much. it hard to get someone with a clear mind to give me advise about everything..
Expert:  Ms Chase replied 6 years ago.
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