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Theresa
Theresa, Psychologist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 877
Experience:  PhD. Clinical Psychology
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My girlfriend dumped me less than a week after i told her i ...

Customer Question

My girlfriend dumped me less than a week after i told her i knew she had an eating disorder. She said she just didn''t feel the same about me anymore, but before i told her i knew she was having eating problems(anorexia), everything was absolutely perfect between us. I think she dumped me because i "threatened" her illness, and she couldn''t stand her boyfriend knowing about it, because no one knew but 2 of her friends, not even her parents. I really want to know if there is a strong possibility of this being the cause of the break-up, because i''m not sure of the effects anorexia has on relationships.
Submitted: 6 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Ms Chase replied 6 years ago.

Hello Shortie,

How long were you together?

How old are the two of you?

Will she talk to you now?

Chase

Customer: replied 6 years ago.
we were together for 6 months, and we are both 18. She wouldn't talk to me right now if i tried to contact her right now because we got into a fight, because one of her friends told her mom that she has this eating problem. So my ex asked me what her friend told my ex's mom, because i was told what was said. We somehow got into the discussion about my feelings for her and how i still love her and everything, which is a discussion we have had plenty of times. Her friend that told her mom is a former anorexic who went through a lot of treatment and therapy, and she would clearly recognize it if she saw it and she says that she is 100 percent sure my ex girlfriend has anorexia. When i was looking for answers, i was talking to one of her friends and i said that i think that if she can't love herself, how can she love someone else, and my ex found out i said that, and said that "your probably right, i don't love myself, and i don't know when i am going to learn to."
Customer: replied 6 years ago.
when she did break up with me, she said that she had not felt the same for the past couple days before the break up. I just don't think it is possible for that to happen without her illness influencing it, especially because she broke up with me less than a week after i told her i knew about it, and we spent hours discussing her illness with each other and it basically came to me asking her to stop, and her saying she won't, and it was really upsetting for both of us. We both went home that day ok though because we were constantly telling each other how much we love each other and there was a lot of kissing and hugging and that sort of thing. She was sooooo in love with me before i told her i knew about the illness so i think that i "threatened" her illness when i told her i knew about it and that i wanted her to stop.
Customer: replied 6 years ago.
i didn't see the online chat option before, i think it would be easier to discuss this through that.
Expert:  Theresa replied 6 years ago.

Hello Shortiends,

My name isXXXXX work with MsChase and she is very concerned about you and has asked that I step into this question to help you out. I am asking that you understand that this has nothing to do with her expertise. It is merely because as a Expert's serving in the Relationship Area for JA, we function as a team. Without this, no one would have the chance to breathe!

If you would like to chat simply send me a note and we can set up a time to do so...If you are now more comfortable addressing this very difficult concern in this thread I am more than willing to help you through this means also.

Just let me know and know that we are here and you are not alone.

With Warm Regards.

Terri

 

 

Customer: replied 6 years ago.
Talking through this thread is fine. Is there any more information that you need?
Expert:  Theresa replied 6 years ago.

I believe that you have provided enough information to get me started. The first thing that I would like to do though is to clarify just what your question is. This will prevent the need for you to take 40 laps around the track when you only need ... Oh, ...about 38 or 39...Fair enough to you! LOL

I believe that you are asking whether or not the fact that your girl broke up with you after learning that you were aware of her being anorexic. Is this correct?

Please let me know and we can move forward...If not then redirect meSmile

Thank You,

Terri

Customer: replied 6 years ago.
that was worded a little weird so i guess i'll just ask my question again, "did my girlfriend break up with me because i was aware of her being anorexic?" and that sounds like what you said but i guess i am just clarifying lol.
Expert:  Theresa replied 6 years ago.

WTG, you are correct...clarify don't justify...Well as you will see Psychologist definitely no poet!

Yes, your girlfriend broke up with when she realized that you knew she was anorexic...Here is the reason:

The individual that has Anorexia Nervosa (AN) is classified as having an eating disorder...and, in reality they do...on the other hand the eating disorder that is identified, is actually a very serious symptom of a more serious psychological or emotional mental disorder, that was actually triggered prior to the time that they have reached puberty (10 years is the average start time).

The emotional disorder begins when the child is made to feel inferior, unloved and unwanted by their primary care givers. The primary care givers are generally their parents; however, this is not always the case.

Though you don't mention whether or not she is the oldest child or the only child in the family my guess is that she is most likely one of these. The reason that I say this is because these two people share many characteristics by virtue of their birth order: They usually have higher expectations placed on them than their younger siblings...or, believe ti or not they are so praised by their parents that their brain actually begins thinking that they must be perfect, and when their young bodies begin to blossom around the age of 12, they begin to see themselves as one of the ugliest people on the earth...If they must be disciplined for ding something that is inappropriate (all children this age will at one point or another) they begin to reject their own person...

You see this living being has grown to believe that if they are not perfect there is no point in them existing...With this they have a serious need to take control of their own lives once again... While they can't control others, they can have total control of themselves...The end result is a slow and progressive highly potential fatality in the making...To the anorexic...each Pound that is shed makes them one pound prettier, stronger, in control, self saving, etc. and the saddest part is that they believe that this is also how others see them....

When your girlfriend found out that you knew about her eating disorder... Her secret was exposed and this took away her beauty, strength, control, and the hope to continue living was also gone so there was no reason for her to continue trying to save herself...You knew who she was and she couldn't hide behind the mask any longer.

Now, I have a question for you ... maybe 2 or 5!

How tall is she?

What is her current weight?

Why is her friend so sure that she is anorexic: Behavioral signs and indicators, etc.

And how are you 100% positive that her parents are aware of this. I am compelled to ask this as a professional. If I knew you personally, I would be under order to report her to the legal authority for she is creating a threat to the life and well being of herself. I am a mandated reported. This means with and by no choice of my own...No, I do not know you and I am not going to report any one...

But, I would like the information to the questions I have asked so that I can plot them. If her numbers plot out to show that she is currently at high risk, then I am going to challenge, order, encourage...Choose the word that you prefer, you to talk to her parents.

Anorexia nervosa is a very dangerous illness. By the time that the symptoms and indicators are present on the outside, a significant amount of damage has already taken place internally to the life supporting organs our bodies require to live.

Frequently the bodies electrolytes and elements are depleted such as calcium and sodium to such low points due to poor (or should I say none) nutrition, that the individual will experience fibrillation of the heart or a total cardiac arrest, in the blink of an eye.

This is also one of the most difficult psychological disorders to treat and the process involved is very time consuming...

I wish you all the best at during this process, so that you will be able to stay strong for your girlfriend and give her lots of patience. This is only possible if the love that you claim to have for her is real.

If this information has been helpful to you then please do ACCEPT by clicking on the green button on your screen for this is how we are compensated for our work. Positive feedback is always appreciated too!

If I can be of assistance to you in the future, you may request my help by typing:

ATTN: Terri60 before typing your question on the header or subject line and submitting it!

Terri

 

 

Theresa, Psychologist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 877
Experience: PhD. Clinical Psychology
Theresa and other Relationship Specialists are ready to help you
Customer: replied 6 years ago.
She is about 5'4'', 110 pounds i believe. Her friend knows she is anorexic because her friend is a former anorexic, and has seen all the signs of it in her. Her parents do know about it, because her friend told them, and they believe her because they know her friend is a former anorexic, and they have also been suspicious about it for some time. So i think her parents will take action. Is there any chance that we might get back together? or will she most likely never feel the same?
Customer: replied 6 years ago.
The problem is she doesn't want to have anything to do with me, and she claims to have no feelings for me at all and doesnt even want to be friends because she doesn't think i would be able to handle it, being that i still love her. I do still love her, and i would do anything for her even though she really dislikes me at the moment because we sort of got into a fight. I have said everything i possibly could to tell her how i feel about her and how i would do anything for her,it just isn't working.
Expert:  Theresa replied 6 years ago.

Yes, if you love her and are patient you will be with her again...

The problem is she doesn't want to have anything to do with me, and she claims to have no feelings for me at all and doesn't even want to be friends because she doesn't think i would be able to handle it, being that i still love her.

What you need to consider right now is that it is good to talk with her and to be there for her; but, when she attempts to push you out give her a little room...You have to remember that one of the major problems with people that are anorexic is that this is generated as they began to believe they had no control....

All that she is trying to do is to gain control and she is trying to convince you that she has no feelings for you because she fears that she will lose you...The fear is to intense for her...but if she pushes you out...guess what...she can handle it...because why?...Yes, you have it, she will be in control again!

Terri

 

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Theresa
Theresa
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PhD. Clinical Psychology