What is your religion?
Why would they be mad at you?
My father used to tell me that "the helping hand you seek is at the end of your own arm", kind of his version of "God helps those who help themselves". Faith is belief without proof. There is no way for God to "show" you that he loves you, perhaps the fact that we're alive? Sometimes that doesn't seem very loving, when everything in life is turned against us, but that is life. Good, bad or indifferent, its your life. Don't disassociate from the things that you can (attempt to) control (procrastination, lies, self centered, hatefulness), and blame them on a lack of love from God. These are things you can deal with, whether through therapy/counseling or sheer determination.
Prayers are for strength, the things we ask of our God/s, to "accept the things we cannot change, the courage to change the things we can, and the wisdom to know the difference" is enough sometimes if we're persistent and honest about it. You can't presume to know what your God is thinking or doing, it could quite possibly be the height of egotism to assume that you can.
I don't have much faith in curses, I apologize if you do, but we can't make excuses for bad luck. What we look upon as bad luck can be the very learning experiences that can turn that "luck" around. There's no shadiness in asking a question or wanting an answer. No man/woman is an island, and there are some times when you have to reach that hand out....to send that message in a bottle and hope someone responds.
When you're feeling this way, sometimes the best cure, the best way to call of the 'curse' is to do for others. Feed the homeless. Do something for a child. Visit a hospital ward. Volunteer. No cure for self pity better than seeing those worse off than you, and having a chance to make their life a little better.
I welcome your thoughts, let me know if you want to talk more.
How can you say that God would not forgive you when he forgave his own son? His own son, knowing the reasoning for his death asked, "Why have you forsaken me?"
Do you really think you are the first person to curse god? Do you think his feelings are hurt that easily? Every parent has heard from their child at some point or another "I hate you" when things don't go their way.
I would like to think that God gets upset over things like murderers, pedophiles, hurting others but especially children. Life has its tests, without a doubt, but yet here you are still wanting forgiveness and worrying about your temporary loss of faith. Don't you think that makes God happy?
I don't think God "babies" you through these things....I think he kind of looks at you like a parent would and says "ok, when you're finished with your tantrum, I'll be here ready to talk".
Continue to pray, and perhaps consider looking into some churches near you if you don't already belong to one, or talking to your priest/reverend/pastor. Also, find out if they have any support groups.
My personal belief is that he won't forgive anyone if they have no remorse for what they have done. I believe you can be forgiven and I believe that you can change your life at any moment. At the moment you are reading this page you can take the first step to the rest of your changed life. All it takes is a little faith, confidence and the knowledge that you can do anything you put your mind and heart to.
I'm always here if you want to talk