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Ms Chase
Ms Chase, Life Coach
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 2897
Experience:  Over 20 yrs experience with Relationships, Sexuality, Friendship, and Family Issues
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Am I good enough for my boyfriend Is this normal

Customer Question

My boyfriend knows it bothers me that he really likes big boobs. Mine are not so big, so it makes me feel bad when he stares at girls with large boobs, and more so that he saves pictures of them and he looks at them when we aren''t getting along, I think. I know its normal for guys to like these things, but he saves pictures of real girls off the web into a Picasa web album. I found the Picasa web album because it was in the history from a week ago ON MY COMPUTER! I was going to buy him some shoes we had looked up for him, for his birthday, and I go into the history and instead of the shoes I find all these girls! Imagine how my heart breaks....I''m trying to do something good for him, and instead I feel inadequate, torn down.

I have told him before how his need to look at these pictures bothers me. He says guys just like to look at things like that, it doesn''t mean anything. But I think its a little extreme to be saving certain pictures in an album.... A couple of months ago, I
Submitted: 6 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Ms Chase replied 6 years ago.

Hello Dogfish,

It seems you got cut off, can you finish what you were going to say?

Chase

Customer: replied 6 years ago.
Reply to Ms Chase's Post: I did get cut off! Here it is:

A couple of months ago, I took naked pictures of myself and gave them to him on a mini drive, so he would have some of me to appreciate! That was my creative solution to the problem, I'd never done anything like that before. He didn't seem to care about them at all! I got hardly any response, no excitement--- I had to ask if he liked them, and the whole thing left me feeling awkward, and terrible. He left the drive on the kitchen table, where his roommate and his friends could have found it. I saw it there a few days later, and took it home--- didn't say a word to him about it. He never missed it or questioned me about it. He tells me I'm sexy and calls me babe, but I don't feel like he respects me, or is into me all that often. I don't get the need for the archiving of the photos? and my heart is breaking by the lack of interest in mine?!
Customer: replied 6 years ago.
Just to add to the info, when I bring up my discomfort, he gets angry at me for being "insecure."   My whole life, I thought my breasts were the perfect shape, size, everything. Totally happy with them. Since I've been with him, I guess I've become "insecure" about them because he is so into big breasts, I feel inadequate. He gets mad at me for being insecure, instead of caring that his actions saving this photos causes me to feel inadequate.
Customer: replied 6 years ago.
Relist: I still need help.
Expert:  Ms Chase replied 6 years ago.

Hello dogfish,

On one hand, I hate to say it, but it is, in a sense, being insecure. You've allowed someone else to undermine your confidence and self esteem. You've got to examine this relationship and ask yourself, what are the good things you get out of this relationship. I'm concerned that he showed no interest in your disk, that he left it where anyone could have found it and showed no real interest or thankfulness for such a personal gift. In the future, think twice about doing such a thing for anyone, as these pictures could have been picked up by anyone, and no matter how in love you are with someone, these pictures could have at some point been used against you. Once these types of pictures are on the web, it is absolutely impossible to get them off the web, they are there for life.

The fact that he's not willing to take into consideration about how you feel about his collecting and staring, and in fact is getting angry at you for feeling the way you do is telling me that you are far more invested in this relationship than he is.

You are beautiful and perfect the way you are. Somehow, you have allowed someone to take that away from you. You can look at it one way, he may look at the big breast, but he's with you. Some men like watching boxing, but would never get in the ring, so as long as he's not cheating on you, then it may just be a fetish that he has that may never manifest into anything else. On the other hand, his staring at women's breasts in front of you is disrespectful, and his anger toward your emotions is unwarranted.

Only you can take back your confidence and self esteem. If he wants to continue to act this way, you may want to consider ending the relationship. Think about it, is it more important to love him or love yourself?

I welcome your thoughts, let me know if you want to talk more

Chase

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