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Ms Chase
Ms Chase, Life Coach
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 2897
Experience:  Over 20 yrs experience with Relationships, Sexuality, Friendship, and Family Issues
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how should i answer her question and what should i do

Resolved Question:

I told a lady at work I have feelings for her,the problem is she has a boyfreind who treats her bad with his words and with no respect, I would treat her like a princess. One day I got to speak with her at lunch and she brought up the question what do you see in me,why do you want me , i have extra baggage in my life why do you want me.She tells me that i am to nice of a guy for her and then she tells me, how can i have a good relationship with someone if i don''t feel happy with myself.How shall i respond to this? I am crazy about this lady and i want her to feel happy about herself.I want a relationship with her, give her respect and make her feel loved and wanted.We are both 36 yrs old if that helps at all.I found out that she left her spouse with her children at the ages of 2 and 4 because he was beating on her.I told her at the time that I was glad to hear that and told her she did not deserve that.Also her one child is bi-polar and is always in trouble[18yr boy].Has a 16yr girl.
Submitted: 9 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Ms Chase replied 9 years ago.

Hello Niceguy,

She does have a point. If she is not happy with herself then she cannot be happy with anyone else. If you really care about her, let her know that you would be willing to be friends until she can get things together. Encourage her to leave this person who is hurting her, but not necessarily to be with you. Let her know that you have feelings for her but are willing to wait until she can deal with her extra baggage and feel like she's ready for love. If she can leave this guy, she should think about going to counseling and talking to someone about why she lets people beat her down physically and emotionally. It probably goes back as far as her childhood, but it's definitely something she has to address and learn that non of it is her fault and that it's in the past. Being a friend to her without pressuring her for more, will show her that you have real feelings for her and care about her well being.

I welcome your thoughts, let me know if you want to talk more.

Warmly Chase

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