How long have the two of you been married?
What did your wife say when you told her the other woman was to young and single?
Do you think your wife is cheating or are you jealous of her friendship?
So what problems are you having now?
It's hard to say whether you like this girl or not if you never met her, unless you see some sort of negative behavior coming from your wife because of the time she spends with her. Maybe the two of you can come to an agreement where she can go out a certain amount of times a week/month, and maybe not to the club if you really don't like it. There's something about this girl that your wife likes, maybe she makes her feel younger. Try to get to know her friend, then at least you know what you're dealing with.
If you love your wife and you want things to work out, then you can't tell her what she can't do you have to try and talk to her and see if you can compromise. If the two of you are not going out on dates, it would be a good idea to start doing that. Go out like you used to do when you first met....give her compliments....little gifts. Show her that you love her. You've been married a long time, you don't want to lose what you have now. Maybe one night you can meet her at the club and act like you don't know each other. What about meeting a couple your age that you ca go out and do things with?
I welcome your thoughts,let me know if you want to talk more.
Its understandable that you might not want to go to night clubs at your age, but it's also obvious that your wife wants to do more outside things. If you have told her that you might leave and she still insists on going out, something is definitely wrong. Try talking to her and seeing if she will at least cut it down to once a week, or once every two weeks if you can deal with that. Ask her if the things you do together are not enough, and what you can do to improve the time you spend together. You have been together too long to let something like this break the two of you up, you have to look at ways to compromise so that the both of you can be happy.
I welcome your thoughts, let me know if you want to talk more
The only thing you can do is make your stand. Understand that whenever you present someone with an ultimatum there is a 50/50 chance that they may not make the choice you wanted them to make, and you have to live with that.
As you already know, your wife is your partner in life, she's not your child who must listen to whatever you say, and although her life includes marriage to you, it also includes her making decisions about her own life. When married people make a decision about their lives, they should always think about how this decision will affect their spouse, and if need be make changes that can accommodate your spouses wishes as well.
If she is willing to let you go instead of stop going to the club, then its up to you to decide if this is a deal breaker and whether you want to stay or go. Those are the choices you are left with
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I know this is hard for you, if you ever need to talk, let me know
There is not time limit. If you want to talk more or ask another questions you can do it here or you can open a new question, its your choice. Is there anything I can help you with?
Do you think this guy would call you if something was really going on?
What has she lied about before?
Do you really want to leave her?
Yes, I do think it's a little weird, but maybe she thought you would react like this if she told you she had a male friend. Do you really think she has cheated with this man? What is your gut telling you?
Hello Mr. Zee:
I am not trying to but in so to speak as I see that you have been working with Ms. Chase. Since you have already accepted her answer I would like to offer an additional thought from a different perspective.
I am a psychologist and one area of my work involves what we refer to as profiling. This means that we look for behaviors in people to determine what they are like. Though I do not know your wife, I am going to agree with you that you and your wife are not on are not on the same page.
Commitment to another in a relationship is much more than a marriage:
A marriage requires the following: 1) A license, 2) An individual that is authorized to legally officiate the ceremony, 3) Two people that are of the opposite sex that have agreed to recite the vows and sign the legal document that is referred to as a marriage license and 4) Two other people that are willing to sign the marriage license as witness for the purpose of indicating that they have observed the ceremony take place.
These elements, when combined represent a legal marriage.
When individuals join together in a committed relationship, it is common that they become legally married; however, this union requires a commitment from both people that will be maintained through the life span by each person and the elements of commitment are very different than those of a legal marriage.
These elements are: Reliability, Dependability, Honor, Respect and Trust. They are also reciprocal in that each element is shared and utilized by both people.
Two individuals that are in a committed relationship rely on one another to have their physical and emotional needs met and they depend on the other person for the same thing. In these two situations, the giver does so freely and from the heart, while the receiver accepts with graciousness and appreciation.
These two individuals do not shame the other while in or out of the home by way of word or behaviors because they honor the other person. They each view the other person as being part of them selves.
Additionally, these two individuals respect one another. Respecting each other does not mean that the two will always agree with one another for this is almost impossible through a life time together. It simply means that in the times that we don't agree we will be open minded to our partner and their needs as an individual as long as the need does not violate the commitment in any way.
Trust is the last element to discuss. Two people that are committed to one another trust each other and this is the element of the commitment that allows respect to enter in. Respect and trust allow each person in a committed relationship to be emotionally and/or spiritually free.
From what you have provided in your post it is noted that the essential elements of a committed relationship is not present in your union. If you have the need to dominate or have your wife behave in what you believe is appropriate it indicates that you do not respect her person or trust her.
Realizing that she has not been honest with you from the beginning with regard to this "man" indicates that she does not honor or trust you.
I wanted to share this with you so that you might understand the elements of a committed relationship; and, upon realizing this understand that when things appear to go wrong both people are generally responsible for this.
The good part is that even though trials as the one you are describing enter the relationship, the committed couple can work through the problem if both parties are willing.
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Did you see the answer that I provided for you above?
Thank you for coming back. First off I would like to say that beating him up will not make things better, on top of everything else, you will could wind up getting locked up, and that won't be good. If you are saying that you had feelings that something was wrong all of this time, then maybe something was wrong, and you just didn't know.
Can you tell me what you mean that your wife is acting bitter? What is she acting bitter about?
No one can tell you what you should do. You have to ask yourself if you love her enough to stay? Do you believe she loves you and wants to work things out? If you believe that there has been something wrong for the past three years then maybe something has been wrong. Maybe you have lost the closeness and the love you used to have. That certainly doesn't mean that you can't get that back, but you will have to learn to forgive and learn to be a little less controlling.
It seems as if the things we talk about are centered around the things that you are demanding that she doesn't do, but all this does is make her hide things from you. Relationships are not built on demands and the other person doing what they are told. The only thing this will build is resentment and distrust.
You and your wife have to find your common ground. The place you stood on when you loved each other completely and made the vows that brought you where you are today. If you can't gt back to that place where you once knew real love for her, real compassion and thoughtfulness for this woman, then maybe it's best that you leave and let things go. On the other hand, if you really love her, now if the time to embrace her, let her know that you want to work things out, want to make a better life for the both of you, and take it from there. I welcome your thoughts, let me know if you want to talk more.