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Ms Chase
Ms Chase, Life Coach
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 2897
Experience:  Over 20 yrs experience with Relationships, Sexuality, Friendship, and Family Issues
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i am a 52 year old man my wife is a 50 year old women the ...

Customer Reply

Customer: replied 6 years ago.
i am a 52 year old man my wife is a 50 year old women the problem is she befriend a 37 year old single woman i have not met her but one time at my wife job she been noing her for about three years she like to go to night club together and shoping i told her she is to young and single to be in our marriage my wife and i are haveing problem whats your take on this
Expert:  Ms Chase replied 6 years ago.

HelloCustomer

How long have the two of you been married?

What did your wife say when you told her the other woman was to young and single?

Do you think your wife is cheating or are you jealous of her friendship?

So what problems are you having now?

Chase

Customer: replied 6 years ago.
Reply to Ms Chase's Post: my wife and i have been marriage for 27 year .my wife told me all about this girl,she say she nice. for the third anwser[ {both) she thinks its nothing wrong with her going out and other place with this girl i donot like it the girl donot have a study man in her life were i can see them or us as a couple going out i donot like night club donot think the girl is gay but i really have not been around her i just donot no, my wife and i gets upset with each other when we talk about her, i am talking about leaveing . she think it ok to go out with this girl because this is her fun and should let it keep going
Expert:  Ms Chase replied 6 years ago.

Hello Zeebra,

It's hard to say whether you like this girl or not if you never met her, unless you see some sort of negative behavior coming from your wife because of the time she spends with her. Maybe the two of you can come to an agreement where she can go out a certain amount of times a week/month, and maybe not to the club if you really don't like it. There's something about this girl that your wife likes, maybe she makes her feel younger. Try to get to know her friend, then at least you know what you're dealing with.

If you love your wife and you want things to work out, then you can't tell her what she can't do you have to try and talk to her and see if you can compromise. If the two of you are not going out on dates, it would be a good idea to start doing that. Go out like you used to do when you first met....give her compliments....little gifts. Show her that you love her. You've been married a long time, you don't want to lose what you have now. Maybe one night you can meet her at the club and act like you don't know each other. What about meeting a couple your age that you ca go out and do things with?

I welcome your thoughts,let me know if you want to talk more.

Chase

Ms Chase, Life Coach
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 2897
Experience: Over 20 yrs experience with Relationships, Sexuality, Friendship, and Family Issues
Ms Chase and other Relationship Specialists are ready to help you
Customer: replied 6 years ago.
AT MY AGE I DO NOT LIKE NITE CLUBS COMEING IN AT 1 AND 3 IN THE MORNING MY WIFE LIKE THIS KIND OF THING WE RISE ARE THREE BOYS NOW ITS JUST US FOR THE LAST 5 YEARS WE GO ON CRUISE PARTY LOS VEGA I GIVE HER GIFTS ALL THE TIME OUR SEX LIFE IS GREAT I JUST DO NOT NO why at this time in our life why the party in.
Customer: replied 6 years ago.
why you have not got back with me i paid you my wife went out 3 year a go and gave a man her number i found out she said that was nothing he was just a friend. these problems started by going out with her friend and the nite club life
Expert:  Ms Chase replied 6 years ago.

Its understandable that you might not want to go to night clubs at your age, but it's also obvious that your wife wants to do more outside things. If you have told her that you might leave and she still insists on going out, something is definitely wrong. Try talking to her and seeing if she will at least cut it down to once a week, or once every two weeks if you can deal with that. Ask her if the things you do together are not enough, and what you can do to improve the time you spend together. You have been together too long to let something like this break the two of you up, you have to look at ways to compromise so that the both of you can be happy.

I welcome your thoughts, let me know if you want to talk more

Chase

Customer: replied 6 years ago.
i donotlike my wife at night clubs the people are to young,iam sure some of them are my kids age and these are times for us not new people that are single and not on the same page as a married couple i cannot agree with her going out to no nite club no time she is 50 year old if she did not get enough, on the way, she have the problem .i love my wife and do not want to lose her.i am not mad at the people she put in our life im mad at her for putting them in our life
Expert:  Ms Chase replied 6 years ago.
Customer

The only thing you can do is make your stand. Understand that whenever you present someone with an ultimatum there is a 50/50 chance that they may not make the choice you wanted them to make, and you have to live with that.

As you already know, your wife is your partner in life, she's not your child who must listen to whatever you say, and although her life includes marriage to you, it also includes her making decisions about her own life. When married people make a decision about their lives, they should always think about how this decision will affect their spouse, and if need be make changes that can accommodate your spouses wishes as well.

If she is willing to let you go instead of stop going to the club, then its up to you to decide if this is a deal breaker and whether you want to stay or go. Those are the choices you are left with

Please remember to click the green accept button i I have been helpful so that I can get credit for my work with you.

Chase

Chase

Customer: replied 6 years ago.
thank you for your help but if my wife and i are not on the same page then i have to go, we been marriged to long to let stranger come in i told her when a third person come in it want work.because that person is not the same as we are as a couple ,she is drifting away , she said i am raining on her joy
Expert:  Ms Chase replied 6 years ago.

Zeebra,

I know this is hard for you, if you ever need to talk, let me know

Chase

Customer: replied 6 years ago.
have my time ran out o thib subject
Expert:  Ms Chase replied 6 years ago.

Hello Zeee

There is not time limit. If you want to talk more or ask another questions you can do it here or you can open a new question, its your choice. Is there anything I can help you with?

Chase

Customer: replied 6 years ago.
i got my wife telephone bill and she been talking with this guy for three years i just found out she said he just a friend buy i did not no about him till now we had a big blow out with this police came etc she said for three years thats all they did was talk about his problem and hers and she want me to belive it the guy called me and try to explain that what my wife said is true i told him donot call my phone again my wife tells lies i donnot belive them i want to leave im so confuse please help
Expert:  Ms Chase replied 6 years ago.

Hello Zeee,

Do you think this guy would call you if something was really going on?

What has she lied about before?

Do you really want to leave her?

Chase

Customer: replied 6 years ago.
its just three years this thing been going on behind my back something just donot sound right three years and dont tell your husband dont you think thats weire
Expert:  Ms Chase replied 6 years ago.

Yes, I do think it's a little weird, but maybe she thought you would react like this if she told you she had a male friend. Do you really think she has cheated with this man? What is your gut telling you?

Chase

Expert:  Theresa replied 6 years ago.

Hello Mr. Zee:

I am not trying to but in so to speak as I see that you have been working with Ms. Chase. Since you have already accepted her answer I would like to offer an additional thought from a different perspective.

I am a psychologist and one area of my work involves what we refer to as profiling. This means that we look for behaviors in people to determine what they are like. Though I do not know your wife, I am going to agree with you that you and your wife are not on are not on the same page.

Commitment to another in a relationship is much more than a marriage:

A marriage requires the following: 1) A license, 2) An individual that is authorized to legally officiate the ceremony, 3) Two people that are of the opposite sex that have agreed to recite the vows and sign the legal document that is referred to as a marriage license and 4) Two other people that are willing to sign the marriage license as witness for the purpose of indicating that they have observed the ceremony take place.

These elements, when combined represent a legal marriage.

When individuals join together in a committed relationship, it is common that they become legally married; however, this union requires a commitment from both people that will be maintained through the life span by each person and the elements of commitment are very different than those of a legal marriage.

These elements are: Reliability, Dependability, Honor, Respect and Trust. They are also reciprocal in that each element is shared and utilized by both people.

Two individuals that are in a committed relationship rely on one another to have their physical and emotional needs met and they depend on the other person for the same thing. In these two situations, the giver does so freely and from the heart, while the receiver accepts with graciousness and appreciation.

These two individuals do not shame the other while in or out of the home by way of word or behaviors because they honor the other person. They each view the other person as being part of them selves.

Additionally, these two individuals respect one another. Respecting each other does not mean that the two will always agree with one another for this is almost impossible through a life time together. It simply means that in the times that we don't agree we will be open minded to our partner and their needs as an individual as long as the need does not violate the commitment in any way.

Trust is the last element to discuss. Two people that are committed to one another trust each other and this is the element of the commitment that allows respect to enter in. Respect and trust allow each person in a committed relationship to be emotionally and/or spiritually free.

From what you have provided in your post it is noted that the essential elements of a committed relationship is not present in your union. If you have the need to dominate or have your wife behave in what you believe is appropriate it indicates that you do not respect her person or trust her.

Realizing that she has not been honest with you from the beginning with regard to this "man" indicates that she does not honor or trust you.

I wanted to share this with you so that you might understand the elements of a committed relationship; and, upon realizing this understand that when things appear to go wrong both people are generally responsible for this.

The good part is that even though trials as the one you are describing enter the relationship, the committed couple can work through the problem if both parties are willing.

If this information has been helpful to you then please do ACCEPT by clicking on the green button on your screen for this is how we are compensated for our work. Positive feedback is always appreciated too!

If I can be of assistance to you in the future, you may request my help by typing:

ATTN: Terri60 before typing your question on the header or subject line and submitting it!

Terri

Customer: replied 6 years ago.
im having a hard time with this , for the last three years my wife befriend a man ,when i leave out the house she calls him i got all the phone bills he called her a lot and she called him a lot for three year this really hurt, i dont no if i should leave her or belive her, that it was just a friend. for three years i new something was wroung but i couldnt put my finger on it i just dont no what to do please help me your head is clearer than mine. i really would like to beat him up im trying not to think like that. now that everything is out my wife act bitter with me ,this is really taken a tow on me i dont no if i should trust her. and im sad with that though.
Expert:  Theresa replied 6 years ago.

Mr. Zeebra:

Did you see the answer that I provided for you above?

Terri

 

Expert:  Ms Chase replied 6 years ago.

HelloCustomer

Thank you for coming back. First off I would like to say that beating him up will not make things better, on top of everything else, you will could wind up getting locked up, and that won't be good. If you are saying that you had feelings that something was wrong all of this time, then maybe something was wrong, and you just didn't know.

Can you tell me what you mean that your wife is acting bitter? What is she acting bitter about?

Chase

Customer: replied 6 years ago.
just everything with me. she said she made a mistake with talking to the other sex and she want to go on .but i dont no if i can trust her any more ,by keeping this thing from me all these years.i really just need to what i should do before this thing happen i was a strong person now i cant go to work , i deal with people all day and its hard when that feeling hit me. please take away the pain . WHAT SHOULD I DO
Expert:  Ms Chase replied 6 years ago.
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Customer: replied 6 years ago.
sorry it took me so long to write but a lot been going oh my wife still insist on going out to clubs at 50 years old so i have acept that. now im trying to go on with me life its hard because everything was about her now its about me how do i get that back started, we still live together but its not the same its hard to trust her so i need to go on with my life please help

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