How JustAnswer Works:

  • Ask an Expert
    Experts are full of valuable knowledge and are ready to help with any question. Credentials confirmed by a Fortune 500 verification firm.
  • Get a Professional Answer
    Via email, text message, or notification as you wait on our site.
    Ask follow up questions if you need to.
  • 100% Satisfaction Guarantee
    Rate the answer you receive.

Ask Theresa Your Own Question

Theresa
Theresa, Psychologist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 877
Experience:  PhD. Clinical Psychology
Type Your Relationship Question Here...
Theresa is online now
A new question is answered every 9 seconds

We would like to date but he is afraid or not ready

Customer Question

I work for an owner of a footballteam, so does he! But we both work at different department!

He broke up with his girlfriend in summer last year!

We know each other almost a year and we have the actraction for each other!

I would like to have a relationship with him but he said he wouldn''t because we''re working together and he is not interested in a relationship!

the other thing is he was with his girlfriend for 2 or 3 years!

I understand and respect his desicion but why does he tells me he is jealous if I''m dating other guys or he is happy that it didn''t work out with somebody or he cares about me!

I was his "partner in crime" for couples of week but I ended it because nothing happend! He said to me if we wouldn''t work the same men then it would be different!
Today we talked on the phone and he always says I deserve everyhting I want and that I can do so much better on guys!

I don''t understand him! Is he interested in me? I don''t know if I should let it go?
Submitted: 6 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Theresa replied 6 years ago.

Hi Dfc:

After reading your post, it appears that you are not only busy at work, but also busy busy with wonder. Situations as you have presented can and frequently do have a way of occupying our thoughts!

I hear you saying that you would like to have a relationship with this man and you have known him for about a year and an attraction is present for both of you. I also hear you saying that the things that he tells you and the behaviors he engages in are confusing to you.

I would like to offer you this: From the information that you have provided in your post, I view him as being the one that is confused or unsure and for some reason, I believe that you do know what is going on!

He broke up with his girl about the same time the two of you started working together and he knows very clearly that you are interested in him. He has told you that he doesn't want a relationship with you because you work together and he isn't interested in a relationship.

Then on another day he tells you that he is jealous and he's glad it didn't work out with you and a potential guy, and he cares about you. He will occasionally throw in that it would be different if you didn't work with the same men.

Has he ever shared with you why he and his girl split? More important is he the one that broke it off or was she. Though I don't know him or her, I can almost bet you that she is the one that broke it off. You my friend are seeing the results of crash.

He evidently cared about this girl...and when she broke it off, many personal issues developed for him. This is very common for a man or woman that experiences this.

It sounds to me as though he is probably interested in a relationship with you; however, he is probably afraid to commit at the present time. Right now he most likely believes that if he did enter a relationship with you, the day would come that you would also leave him. When he thinks of things such as this the pain and rejection that he felt when she broke it off resurfaces. Him telling you that you can do so much better with other guys is his personal protection. It keeps him safe because he is in control of the situation like this.

One of the interesting things for you to ponder is that he is most likely not even aware of what he is saying or where it is coming from...self preservation is an innate human characteristic...and when he hurts (from thinking of losing you too) his mind goes into what I call survival of the fittest mode and he is not giving the commands.

I have seen many relationships that had the potential to grow and proper through life; however, the main thing that prevented this was lack of patience.

It is not my job to tell you what to do...However, it is my job to facilitate your efforts in this relationship through education about human nature and how we function. When you understand this, the patience that is need to endure will follow.

I can understand that you have feeling for him and want it to take off like a rocket Smile; however, I am going to suggest that you pull back from him (this doesn't mean quit talking to him) and keep your conversation out of the relationship mode. Let him be the initiator. If and when he brings it up then tell him just how you feel about him and how you feel when he does this.

Be sure to let him know that you are doing what you can to give him the space he needs to process everything he has been through. Let him know that you will be there for him if he wants to talk.

Make no promises...Just let him know that you care about him enough to give him the space he needs to work through his issues and if the two of you are meant to be then you will. Do let him know that you expect the same courtesy in return being that you don't want him to talk to about being jealous, etc. until he knows what he wants because it is confusing and hurtful to you.

If I can be of assistance to you in the future, you may request my help by typing:

ATTN:Customerbefore typing your question on the header or subject line and submitting it!

Terri

 

Theresa, Psychologist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 877
Experience: PhD. Clinical Psychology
Theresa and 3 other Relationship Specialists are ready to help you
Customer: replied 6 years ago.
Thank you! I think she went back to her home country! We met as he still had his girlfriend and he was unsure! You so right about everyhting!

One day he asked me if I would take care of a man and then I respond that I'm still waiting for the one and he said that I could be his wife!

He was making out with other women but like 2 weeks ago I told him how I feel about him and that I liked him and that I understand that we never could be together and his respond is that he can't hate on me for dating somebody else and he is jalous! Since then we calling each other sometimes and talking and he always makes it clear to me that he hasn't a girl!
Does he has a crush on me?
Expert:  Theresa replied 6 years ago.
THIS ANSWER IS LOCKED!
You can view this answer by clicking here to Register or Login and paying $3.
If you've already paid for this answer, simply Login.

JustAnswer in the News:

 
 
 
Ask-a-doc Web sites: If you've got a quick question, you can try to get an answer from sites that say they have various specialists on hand to give quick answers... Justanswer.com.
JustAnswer.com...has seen a spike since October in legal questions from readers about layoffs, unemployment and severance.
Web sites like justanswer.com/legal
...leave nothing to chance.
Traffic on JustAnswer rose 14 percent...and had nearly 400,000 page views in 30 days...inquiries related to stress, high blood pressure, drinking and heart pain jumped 33 percent.
Tory Johnson, GMA Workplace Contributor, discusses work-from-home jobs, such as JustAnswer in which verified Experts answer people’s questions.
I will tell you that...the things you have to go through to be an Expert are quite rigorous.
 
 
 

What Customers are Saying:

 
 
 
  • Wonderful service, prompt, efficient, and accurate. Couldn't have asked for more. I cannot thank you enough for your help. Mary C. Freshfield, Liverpool, UK
< Last | Next >
  • Wonderful service, prompt, efficient, and accurate. Couldn't have asked for more. I cannot thank you enough for your help. Mary C. Freshfield, Liverpool, UK
  • This expert is wonderful. They truly know what they are talking about, and they actually care about you. They really helped put my nerves at ease. Thank you so much!!!! Alex Los Angeles, CA
  • Thank you for all your help. It is nice to know that this service is here for people like myself, who need answers fast and are not sure who to consult. GP Hesperia, CA
  • I couldn't be more satisfied! This is the site I will always come to when I need a second opinion. Justin Kernersville, NC
  • Just let me say that this encounter has been entirely professional and most helpful. I liked that I could ask additional questions and get answered in a very short turn around. Esther Woodstock, NY
  • Thank you so much for taking your time and knowledge to support my concerns. Not only did you answer my questions, you even took it a step further with replying with more pertinent information I needed to know. Robin Elkton, Maryland
  • He answered my question promptly and gave me accurate, detailed information. If all of your experts are half as good, you have a great thing going here. Diane Dallas, TX
 
 
 

Meet The Experts:

 
 
 
  • Dear Debra

    Advice Columnist

    Satisfied Customers:

    1719
    I have been an Advice columnist for 14 years. My column is published weekly in local newpapers.
< Last | Next >
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/DE/deedeeham/2011-1-24_51523_408.64x64.JPG Dear Debra's Avatar

    Dear Debra

    Advice Columnist

    Satisfied Customers:

    1719
    I have been an Advice columnist for 14 years. My column is published weekly in local newpapers.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/formybunch/2010-12-06_191055_img_0975.jpg Kate McCoy's Avatar

    Kate McCoy

    Counselor

    Satisfied Customers:

    1235
    Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/RE/resolutions66/2011-1-17_05728_IMG8202smilingeditedforJustAnswer.64x64.jpg Elliott, LPCC, NCC's Avatar

    Elliott, LPCC, NCC

    Psychotherapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    1215
    35 years of experience as a Licensed Professional Clinical Counselor, National Certified Counselor and a college professor.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/CO/CoachJenK/2012-3-9_31019_Jen.64x64.jpg Coach Jen K.'s Avatar

    Coach Jen K.

    LMSW, CPC

    Satisfied Customers:

    726
    Providing the utmost care and support.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/IN/intrapsyc.com/2012-2-20_161928_RGMTPicturex5002012.64x64.png Rafael M.T.Therapist's Avatar

    Rafael M.T.Therapist

    Psychotherapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    549
    MHT-MHRS-MS-MA Integral Psychotherapist & Life Coach
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/HU/hungryjack20/IMG_1281_edit_2.64x64.jpg Dr. L's Avatar

    Dr. L

    Psychologist

    Satisfied Customers:

    349
    Licensed as a Psychologist and Marriage & Family Therapist.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/SU/suzmsw/2011-9-2_184634_Thisone.64x64.JPG Suzanne's Avatar

    Suzanne

    Therapist, LCSW

    Satisfied Customers:

    338
    Experienced in treating trauma, relationship issues, co-dependency