What are your doubts?
Do you doubt that he loves you?
Do you doubt that he will be responsible? that he will be there for you?
Let me ask you a few more questions, ok?
Have you talked about your fears to him?
Has he said that he would feel inadequate in any of these arenas?
Are you sure that you would be willing to settle for a sexless marriage for the rest of your life?
If he is a poor manager of money, would you be the one to handle the money?
You said he doesn't pay rent, what does he do with his money?
Hello Lady Doc:
I want to share a few things with you regarding your present situation. I was married to a man for many years that had a high school education and like you, I am a doctor. These marriages can be successful! With this, I would like to suggest that you consider a few of the following comments and thoughts that I am going to post.
It is my sincere hope that in doing this, you will have the opportunity to think clearly with regard to your decision. The post that you have given identifies that you many different agenda's that are currently effecting your ability to reach your decision. With this, doubt has entered your thought process.
Get a pen and notepad, and a steaming hot cup of your favorite herbal tea.
Sit down, take a few deep breaths, and relax. There is nothing to rush this process.
Make notes for yourself as you go along!
Item #1. When I entered medical school I was a female and a human being with intense emotions and a desire to help others. I had a compassion for enriching the lives of others regardless of race, background, education or societal status.
Who am I now that I am practicing and have a diploma?
Do I view others differently?
Do I look down on people that are less educated than I am?
Do I find it embarrassing when attending functions with my boyfriend that I am embarrassed because he doesn't have a history of a solid education and work background?
Has he ever informed me that he feels inadequate or insecure when engaging in events with my peers and I?
If he hasn't, is it possible that I am the one that is having the feelings?
Item #2: I have always had the desire to please my family because when I do I am filled with a deeper sense of pride.
If my family does not accept the person that I love into our family is this their way of telling me that they are more concerned with their own happiness than mine?
Have I taken the moment to talk to my family about my feelings in this?
Item #3: I am so very aware of the problems that the man I love and care about has regarding sexual dysfunction. One part of me says that I could accept this while the other part of me continues to wonder if it will ever be resolved.
Have I taken the opportunity to discuss this with him?
And, have I taken the time to let him know that this is something that I want and to talk with him about fulfilling my sexual desires with alternatives to actual intercourse?
Have I ever attempted to engage him in sexual activities?
Item #4: Prior to meeting this man, my financial prosperity has grown to be quite good and stable. I am aware of the financial difficulties that he has experienced in the past.
Do I fear that marriage to him may prove to show me in the same predicament that he was in when we met?
Have I talked with him about a pre-nuptial agreement?
Have I talked with him about my fears?
After you have completed this self help journey, you will want to continue to explore further. Take the answers that you have provided and follow up on each of them providing an answer to the what if, what has, what will, how can, how does, how will, etc.
Do not use any thing in your follow up that includes a why question. This type of question is elusive and can also be blaming.
I sincerely XXXXX XXXXX the best. I'm confident that this will free your thoughts and take you right back to the independent woman you are!
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