Have Relationship Questions? Ask a Counselor for Answers ASAP
Are you the man, the girlfriend, or?
How old are the two of you?
Abused emotionally by who?
What sort of petty excuses?
Any further information would be helpful
I apologize I had not seen your response. The both of you are at the age where you should be able to talk things out and not break up. Of course at this point, he will be afraid of anything that looks like it might hurt him. You have to make him see that its not your fault what he's been through, that he has to learn to deal with you on your own terms and if there's a problem, then you should talk about it. I'm not sure what you said to him, but maybe some things that you might think are petter, he may not see them as petty, and he might take things a little more to heart than the average guy. It's not going to be something that you can work on alone...he has to want to work on the relationship too for it to work. He may want to think about therapy, to help him get past some of the issues of his ex wife, or even better if the two of you can attend couples therapy, it would give you a good handle on working on your issues together and in a helpful way.
I welcome your thoughts, let me know if you want to talk more.
The fear is that you really don't feel for him the way you say you feel for him. He's so fearful of getting hurt has him scared silly. What worries me the most is that he's able to walk away for 2 months at a time, that's not good to be able to "punish" someone your supposed to love.
The hardest thing is this has become a habit, the type of habit that can only get worse over time...it is a way that he can control you. Every time he does it successfully, it confirms in his mind that this works for him. Now you can tell him that you won't stand for it, and if he does it again you'll leave, but he expects that you'll leave him anyway, and he's willing to take that chance rather than allow himself to get hurt.
The best thing is to keep talking. Let him know that you're not letting him push you away, that you're going to be there for him, even when he thinks he doesn't want you there. Let him know that you know he's been hurt but you did not hurt him, and he can't blame you for what's happened in his past.