How JustAnswer Works:

  • Ask an Expert
    Experts are full of valuable knowledge and are ready to help with any question. Credentials confirmed by a Fortune 500 verification firm.
  • Get a Professional Answer
    Via email, text message, or notification as you wait on our site.
    Ask follow up questions if you need to.
  • 100% Satisfaction Guarantee
    Rate the answer you receive.

Ask Ms Chase Your Own Question

Ms Chase
Ms Chase, Life Coach
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 2897
Experience:  Over 20 yrs experience with Relationships, Sexuality, Friendship, and Family Issues
1042561
Type Your Relationship Question Here...
Ms Chase is online now
A new question is answered every 9 seconds

|If a man has been abused emotionally for 15 years and ...

Customer Question

|If a man has been abused emotionally for 15 years and is finally free but has stated to his potential girlfriend of being hurt, he finds he cannot go forward in this new relationship and uses any petty excuse to just drop it and run. What is the problem and how can it be resolved.|?
Submitted: 6 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Ms Chase replied 6 years ago.

Hello Little

Are you the man, the girlfriend, or?

How old are the two of you?

Abused emotionally by who?

What sort of petty excuses?

Any further information would be helpful

Chase

Customer: replied 6 years ago.
Reply to Ms Chase's Post: I am the girlfriend age 43. He is 52. He was married for 30 years. For the last 15 years of their marriage she was a drug addict and he took a emotional and financial beating. Petty excuses:I used a common expression like (I hate what you did) He called me on Christmas and advised me he wants to break up with me and that he is going to marry someone else. He was just saying anything eventhough it was a lie just to break up with me. Another excuse is that I will impact his grown adult children's lives. He does make every effort to make this work other wise. We do communicate well and for the most part we are compatible. What is the problem and how can I work on it with him?
Customer: replied 6 years ago.
Relist: No answer yet.
Customer: replied 6 years ago.
Relist: No answer yet.
was my question dumped
Expert:  Ms Chase replied 6 years ago.

Hello Littlem,

I apologize I had not seen your response. The both of you are at the age where you should be able to talk things out and not break up. Of course at this point, he will be afraid of anything that looks like it might hurt him. You have to make him see that its not your fault what he's been through, that he has to learn to deal with you on your own terms and if there's a problem, then you should talk about it. I'm not sure what you said to him, but maybe some things that you might think are petter, he may not see them as petty, and he might take things a little more to heart than the average guy. It's not going to be something that you can work on alone...he has to want to work on the relationship too for it to work. He may want to think about therapy, to help him get past some of the issues of his ex wife, or even better if the two of you can attend couples therapy, it would give you a good handle on working on your issues together and in a helpful way.

I welcome your thoughts, let me know if you want to talk more.

Chase

Customer: replied 6 years ago.
Reply to Ms Chase's Post: We communicate well until I unknowingly hit a wrong chord. He shuts down totally,stops all contact with me for up to 2 months even. When he comes back he explains it was all him and his fear of having his heart fileted. I told him to sit down and think it thru so we can work on it together. This is his third time and the last time he said he was now sure of me, that I would not hurt him. He was masturbating over the phone and the next day I said to him "Thanks I didn't get any sleep hearing you do that. I hate you" You know the kidding around expression. Its the first time I ever used the word hate around him.The first two times he just didn't tell me we were having a time out but this time he emailed me not to contact him. The first two times I did not do anything and he told me it was just him. I handle stressful situations very well and he has told me its one of the things he admires me for.Does he have a phobia or fear that can be address?I want to put the tool in his hands,its the only thing he is not forthcoming about and what I need to know the most! Is he testing me about something? He knows I will work with him but maybe he doesn't how to express it or is ashamed to. I will then pay upon this reply.
Expert:  Ms Chase replied 6 years ago.
THIS ANSWER IS LOCKED!
You can view this answer by clicking here to Register or Login and paying $3.
If you've already paid for this answer, simply Login.

JustAnswer in the News:

 
 
 
Ask-a-doc Web sites: If you've got a quick question, you can try to get an answer from sites that say they have various specialists on hand to give quick answers... Justanswer.com.
JustAnswer.com...has seen a spike since October in legal questions from readers about layoffs, unemployment and severance.
Web sites like justanswer.com/legal
...leave nothing to chance.
Traffic on JustAnswer rose 14 percent...and had nearly 400,000 page views in 30 days...inquiries related to stress, high blood pressure, drinking and heart pain jumped 33 percent.
Tory Johnson, GMA Workplace Contributor, discusses work-from-home jobs, such as JustAnswer in which verified Experts answer people’s questions.
I will tell you that...the things you have to go through to be an Expert are quite rigorous.
 
 
 

What Customers are Saying:

 
 
 
  • Wonderful service, prompt, efficient, and accurate. Couldn't have asked for more. I cannot thank you enough for your help. Mary C. Freshfield, Liverpool, UK
< Last | Next >
  • Wonderful service, prompt, efficient, and accurate. Couldn't have asked for more. I cannot thank you enough for your help. Mary C. Freshfield, Liverpool, UK
  • This expert is wonderful. They truly know what they are talking about, and they actually care about you. They really helped put my nerves at ease. Thank you so much!!!! Alex Los Angeles, CA
  • Thank you for all your help. It is nice to know that this service is here for people like myself, who need answers fast and are not sure who to consult. GP Hesperia, CA
  • I couldn't be more satisfied! This is the site I will always come to when I need a second opinion. Justin Kernersville, NC
  • Just let me say that this encounter has been entirely professional and most helpful. I liked that I could ask additional questions and get answered in a very short turn around. Esther Woodstock, NY
  • Thank you so much for taking your time and knowledge to support my concerns. Not only did you answer my questions, you even took it a step further with replying with more pertinent information I needed to know. Robin Elkton, Maryland
  • He answered my question promptly and gave me accurate, detailed information. If all of your experts are half as good, you have a great thing going here. Diane Dallas, TX
 
 
 

Meet The Experts:

 
 
 
  • Dear Debra

    Advice Columnist

    Satisfied Customers:

    1719
    I have been an Advice columnist for 14 years. My column is published weekly in local newpapers.
< Last | Next >
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/DE/deedeeham/2011-1-24_51523_408.64x64.JPG Dear Debra's Avatar

    Dear Debra

    Advice Columnist

    Satisfied Customers:

    1719
    I have been an Advice columnist for 14 years. My column is published weekly in local newpapers.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/formybunch/2010-12-06_191055_img_0975.jpg Kate McCoy's Avatar

    Kate McCoy

    Counselor

    Satisfied Customers:

    1235
    Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/RE/resolutions66/2011-1-17_05728_IMG8202smilingeditedforJustAnswer.64x64.jpg Elliott, LPCC, NCC's Avatar

    Elliott, LPCC, NCC

    Psychotherapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    1215
    35 years of experience as a Licensed Professional Clinical Counselor, National Certified Counselor and a college professor.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/CO/CoachJenK/2012-3-9_31019_Jen.64x64.jpg Coach Jen K.'s Avatar

    Coach Jen K.

    LMSW, CPC

    Satisfied Customers:

    726
    Providing the utmost care and support.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/IN/intrapsyc.com/2012-2-20_161928_RGMTPicturex5002012.64x64.png Rafael M.T.Therapist's Avatar

    Rafael M.T.Therapist

    Psychotherapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    549
    MHT-MHRS-MS-MA Integral Psychotherapist & Life Coach
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/HU/hungryjack20/IMG_1281_edit_2.64x64.jpg Dr. L's Avatar

    Dr. L

    Psychologist

    Satisfied Customers:

    349
    Licensed as a Psychologist and Marriage & Family Therapist.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/SU/suzmsw/2011-9-2_184634_Thisone.64x64.JPG Suzanne's Avatar

    Suzanne

    Therapist, LCSW

    Satisfied Customers:

    338
    Experienced in treating trauma, relationship issues, co-dependency
 
 
 
Chat Now With A Counselor
Ms Chase
Ms Chase
853 Satisfied Customers
Over 20 yrs experience with Relationships, Sexuality, Friendship, and Family Issues