Just to be clear,
You havent had sex with him in 14 years?
Do you live together?
The only reasoning he ever gave you was that he was old?
I'd like to know what you meant by the comment that you've recently realized it works fine, but I respect if you don't want to say?
Have you spoken to him since this realization?
I can't tell you what to do, but I can tell you that you sound like you already know what you should do, or want to do. You deserve to have someone who will love you the way you need to be loved. The loss of self esteem you've suffered over the years will be very difficult to replace. You have to understand that his decision of forced celibacy, was his decision. For whatever reason he decided to do it, those were his reasons, not yours. Allowing you to ask over and over, and still not seeing your side of things. In many ways what he did was very selfish. I understand that it's not easy to express emotion, but not having sex should have never meant losing the love, affection and closeness. Maybe he's afraid of losing you now, in fact that seems quite obvious, but there's something (that your not saying) that showed you that it's possible the excuses of the past 14 years were a lie. He never wanted to talk about marriage but now it's important to propose? The only thing you have to decide now is if it's just too late.
I welcome your thoughts, let me know if you want to talk more.
Its a little hard, I feel like I'm missing an important part when you tell me that there's a reason why you know that he's was able to have sex. Would you be willing to send me that information privately? If so, click on my name, and then click the gray button that says PM, and it will allow you to send me a private message.
If not...well, the only things I can think of is, perhaps he had another woman on the side? Let me ask you a question, who was the breadwinner in the family? Could it have been that he was afraid to leave because of financial reasons?
Certainly anytime you want to talk, feel free to ask for me by name.
You do need to know. As much as it hurts, the truth is always better. There's no guarantee that he will be truthful, considering how long this has been going on, you're just going to have to trust your womens intuition. And yes, despite what you think, it still works after all these years you just have to be open to it. Think about picking up a book on meditation, it's very helpful to get in touch with your inner self. Let me know if you need any recommendations.
I'm here whenever you need to talk.