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Ms Chase
Ms Chase, Life Coach
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 2897
Experience:  Over 20 yrs experience with Relationships, Sexuality, Friendship, and Family Issues
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This sounds so ridiculous even to me. My husband and I went ...

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This sounds so ridiculous even to me. My husband and I went to my daughters cheerleading @ a basketball game. I noticed him staring at the coach a type I know he''s attracted to, I also notice that she is staring and when she sees me notice quickly turns her head. I have noticed it several times at different games. It makes me feel like she has power over me and that he is letting her. She is married also however her husband never really goes to the games, I only used to go to the games once in a while my husband always told me I should have a break from the kids and he would take them to their games. I used to think I was so lucky now I am wondering how many times its happened before. I know he won't cheat (not just because he says so) he has a problem that would make it difficult for him to let anyone know about. he is insecure in one sense but concieted in another. He is attractive, successful,physically he keeps himself in great shape. I know he loves the attention but I can't help feeling I am watching a love story.
Submitted: 6 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Ms Chase replied 6 years ago.

Hello Insecure,

If it's making you feel bad then it's not ridiculous. Have you talked to him about it? If so, what was his response?

Chase

Customer: replied 6 years ago.
Yes I have and he thinks I am being very insecure and that its crazy to think that he would even consider doing something like that to embarras himself or me.

It has actually made me so uncomfortable I can't get the feeling to go away. I asked him why would I feel so insecure if I knew he was confident in our relationship.

He keeps telling me that he has a code of values that he wouldn't jeprodize on someone like that and to give him some credit. There are just to many things that I know have to question.

His family has a large history of infidelity and he is very insecure, as are his siblings they all crave constant reinforcement. It kind of makes me feel that he can have his cake and eat it to. I feel like he has these bits of confidence builders and that I step in for his fantasies of them. Which makes it easier because he doesn't have to physically have the affair with her. He is also very nervous that I will ruin his image of the perfect family should I actually do something about it. Thats the impression I get.

I am taking steps to get to know her better and find out what she is about.

Maybe I am paranoid but I am usually not wrong about these things. I haven't had this situation with him before but with others I have been correct. What do you suggest.
Expert:  Ms Chase replied 6 years ago.

Hello Insecure,

If he is concerned about the image of his family, it is possible he wouldn't want to jeopardize his family. Even if he's not actually cheating, the staring, and having her staring back is still disrespectful and he should know that. It's hard to know how to act when someone shows attraction towards you, even if its out of line, there's still that bit of fascination about the unknown, but he realize that if you noticed it, then others may notice as well. Kids can be cruel and if this were to get around the school there's no telling how they might treat your daughter.

The best you can do is trust him until he shows he can't be trusted....you can't accuse him of something he hasn't done, but you can let him know that you're aware of the looks whether he wants to admit to them or not and that he has to understand that by looking at her he's giving her ideas or at the very least the idea that he might be interested even if he's not.

Getting to know her better. I'm not sure what you mean by that, but I would never bring her to your home or near your family. It's true that you should keep your friends close but your enemies closer, but be careful of making friends with her just for this reason. Being friends with you could give her the perfect excuse to contact your husband.

I welcome your thoughts, let me know if you want to talk more

Chase

Ms Chase, Life Coach
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 2897
Experience: Over 20 yrs experience with Relationships, Sexuality, Friendship, and Family Issues
Ms Chase and 3 other Relationship Specialists are ready to help you
Customer: replied 6 years ago.
Thanks for that Chase.I actually wanted to say that I agree with all of this it will be hard to avoid her since she is now "suddenly" has her daughter going to the same private HS in the Fall with mine. This woman is the not to be outdone type.

She has always had a weird fasination with me so having her be made to feel anything positive by my husband I am sure just gets her overjoyed. Kind od like she has something on me. THAT bothers me even more. I have never been a jealous person which is why I can't believe this is bothering me so much. I hate bringing it up to him because it makes me feel pathetic. I plan on talking with him one more time and try with no emotion (hysterics anyway). He said he wants us to talk more and understand how I feel. My husband is a GREAT salesman! So I will work on that.

By getting close I don't need her anywhere near us but I wanted to put some feelers out just talk with the other coaches. NOT about my suspcions but get a feel if I am off base. Women love to attack. She sometimes seems to be more eager to to get to me.
Expert:  Ms Chase replied 6 years ago.

You could go crazy trying to figure out people you know, not to mention people you don't know. We never really know what's in the heart of another person. You could look like someone she used to know or someone in her family....or he could look like someone she knows or used to date, so she has developed an interest in you, him or both. This could certainly be a case of he being fascinated with you or feeling in competition with you, and of course the first thing to look at would be your husband, and then you children. You might be surprised, she may try on her own to make friends with you.

Talk to him, no hysterics, and bring up what I said earlier about others noticing that they are looking at one another and how that could impact your daughter.

I'm here if you want to talk more.

Chase

Ms Chase, Life Coach
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 2897
Experience: Over 20 yrs experience with Relationships, Sexuality, Friendship, and Family Issues
Ms Chase and 3 other Relationship Specialists are ready to help you

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