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KimberlyF
KimberlyF, Longtime Relationship Expert
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 750
Experience:  Relationship expert for almost three years with JustAnswer.com
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relationships

Resolved Question:

lost long-term girlfriend. how should i try and get her back
Submitted: 6 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  KimberlyF replied 6 years ago.

HiCustomer Thank you for asking your question on Just Answer. The other Experts and I are working on your answer. By the way, it would help us to know:

-What are your ages?

-How long were you dating?

-Why did you break up?

-Do you still communicate with her?

-Was it a bad break up?

-How did you get along while you were dating?

-Could you explain your situation a little more?

Thank you again for trusting us with your problem. Please reply as soon as possible so that we can finish answering your question.

Customer: replied 6 years ago.
Reply to KimberlyF's Post:

Hi Kimberly-

we are both 19yrs old and have been dating for about two years.

-she started acting distant for about a month and then broke up with me. at first she said it was because she wanted to work on herself and that the relationship was getting too serious, too soon (more on that later) and then later she said that she had a problem where she can only feel satisfied in a relationship for so long until she wants someone new because she feels like she can always "do better".

- the irony of it all, was that we were going at her pace and any large relationship milestone was initiated by her. i was reluctant about the seriousness of it while she wanted to reassure me and so on. discussion about marriage, family, etc soon ensued. we got along great while dating, no major problems at all between us.

-the breakup was not bad, it was very sudden but not bad. she was my best friend in addition to being my girlfriend. what bothers me the most is that she brought me to extremely rare point where i feel 100 percent comfortable with her. this meant that i told her everything, emotions, thoughts, fears etc. since iam a very private person and i dont show emotion at all except to her, i feel like my soul has been stolen from me. i think that is the reason i feel so empty and disappointed now.

-we communicate intermittently, but less and less often now. i would just cut her off for a while and call her, and then do it again. its kind of a cycle i guess. throughout all this i never make any efforts or attempts to get back together with, i just call her to talk. but the most recent time we spoke, i made some vague allusions to it and she waved it off because she is talking to someone else and she mentioned what others would think of her if she went back to me. she said that she doesnt care what others think and that if she wanted to be with me she would. i could be wrong but i disagree.

Expert:  KimberlyF replied 6 years ago.

 

Customer

It seems as though she got scared and like she said she doesn't like to be in a relationship but for so long and then she wants something new. All you can do is give her time and hope that she realizes the type of relationship she had with you. The reason you are having such a hard time is because you weren't able to get any closure to the relationship because she broke it off so abruptly and without warning signs. I can't understand why she would break up with you if the two of you got along so well, it sounds like she has major commitment issues but then again you dated for two years that is a long time to date someone. All you can do is tell her how you feel but that may not change how she feels, she has to see for herself that breaking up with you was a big mistake and that she should take you back.

You say you were best friend before all this, continue to be her friend and stay in her life even if it isn't as boyfriend and girlfriend right now. If you lose contact with her totally you may never have the chance to get her back if she sees that you are willing to be her friend still and are there for her she may be able to see the mistake she made in breaking up with you, could you only be her friend? Could you set your romantic feelings aside and just be there for her as a friend when she needs someone to talk to without mentioning anything about getting back together? These are questions you are going to have to ask yourself.

Also are you willing to wait a long period of time to prove that you are the best guy for her? That is what it may take quite some time for her to see the forest through the trees and see that she made a big mistake and that you love her more than anyone else could love her. If I were you I would either write her a letter or sit down and tell her how you feel about her and that if you can not be her boyfriend right now then you would like to be her friend and be there for her whenever she needs you day or night. This will show her that you are willing to do anything for her even if you can not be her boyfriend. There is no guarantee that this will make her come back to you but it will show her that you love her enough to let her go do what she needs for herself and if she does indeed come back to you then it was meant to be.

Relationships are about taking chances, sometimes they work and sometimes they do not this is part of life and the reason I tell you this is don't waste the rest of your life waiting for her, she may never come around or she may come around but it could take some time so try to get out and date other people but still be friends with her. You are going to feel disappointed because there was no real reason why she abruptly stopped dating you and there for you have no reason as to why you are no longer with her. Maybe try asking her what happened to make her break up that way. It could be exactly what she said she is the one with the issue about relationships and commitment and this is something she will need and have to want to work on for herself and no one can do that for her. If you have anything to add click reply it is free.

KimberlyF, Longtime Relationship Expert
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 750
Experience: Relationship expert for almost three years with JustAnswer.com
KimberlyF and 3 other Relationship Specialists are ready to help you
Customer: replied 6 years ago.

from a woman's standpoint, what do you think it is and what do you think i should do?

i really do love her and i know she loves me a lot but im not sure if she does romantically or not anymore. ive said some pretty bad things to her (in the few instances that we talk after the breakup, i sometimes get mad and say a lot of mean things) and she always eventually forgives me. knowing her, i know that if anyone said what i said they would be cut off completely.

-i think i say those things to get her to cut me off and it also allows me to separate myself from her emotionally because i honestly do hate the fact that i still have feelings for her. that is what i told her when we last spoke, i told her that i dont like the fact that i still have feelings for her and that my mind and my heart are in combat. my mind wants to just forget her, but my heart keeps longing for her. so i said that while i dont know for sure if i really want to be back with her (especially after ive heard that shes hooked up with someone else) , i know that i love her deeply and i think cupid would be very disappointed in me if i didnt atleast revisit the possibility again because of the fact that i love her so much and that i may not find another love like that again.

i know she knows i care about her deeply, but being her friend would just be too hard. like i mentioned earlier, we were best friends, but our deep friendship came into fruition after we became a couple. it was a friendship within a relationship i guess.

Expert:  KimberlyF replied 6 years ago.
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