How old are you?
What are the thoughts about?
Can you tell me more about whats going on?
First off, take a deep breath. From everything you wrote me, there's nothing wrong with you. It seems that you are handling this uncharacteristically maturely, as most people would have already started an affair with the ex from the start. There's nothing wrong with still loving a person you once loved. There's nothing wrong with still loving that person and wanting them to feel real love even if it's not with you. As much as that thought would hurt, you just loved him so much that you wished him the best regardless of sacrifice. The fact that he has made you be a better wife to your husband and vice versa shows how strong the bond between you and your husband is. If you feel that none of the emails you send your ex would offend your husband then there likely isn't much harm in talking if it can be maintained at that level. I could see your life with both of these men in it.
I welcome your thoughts, let me know if you want to talk more.