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KimberlyF
KimberlyF, Longtime Relationship Expert
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 750
Experience:  Relationship expert for almost three years with JustAnswer.com
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Im dating a man who my grown children do not

Customer Question

I''m dating a man who my grown children do not like--they say he doesn''t make any attempt to get to know them and only wants to have a relationship with me. He and I have a good time antique shopping and planning trips. He doesn''t smoke or drink and is 6 years older than I with a grown son of his own. We have broken up our relationship 3 times after family events (my daughter''s wedding, Thanksgiving) because he says he doesn''t like to see me being "taken advantage of". I am the typical caretaker with my kids and have a good relationship with them. Am I wrong to try to stay in this relationship? My large family is concerned about me getting hurt again (divorced twice--they compare this guy with my last husband). Help...!
Submitted: 6 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  KimberlyF replied 6 years ago.

HiCustomer Thank you for asking your question on Just Answer. The other Experts and I are working on your answer. By the way, it would help us to know:

-How long have you been dating each other?

-What are the ages of your children and his son?

-Are you happy with him? How does he treat you when it's just the two of you?

-What if anything does he do to your children to make them not like him?

-Does he remind you of your ex husband also?

-Could you explain your situation a little more?

Thank you again for trusting us with your problem. Please reply as soon as possible so that we can finish answering your question.

Customer: replied 6 years ago.
We have been dating for over 1 year now--met online thru Match.com. The ages of our children: mine are 18,22,27 years old and his son is 22 years old. Yes, I am happy with him--he is very considerate of me and treats me with kindness and consideration. He doesn't make any attempt to talk to my children other than hello---he tells me he doesn't care whether they like him or not--they just see him as someone trying to take their mother away. He says he can't MAKE them like him...it will have to come slowly. He has the same job as my ex-husband (a correctional officer) and he is very opinionated. He is a laid back country boy at times and then a disciplinarian at others. His son left with his wife when she moved out 3-4 yrs ago and they divorced. He doesn't have as much to do with his son but tried to keep him out of the middle of the divorce, he says. We split any trips 50/50 (my insistence since I earn alot more than he) and my kids worry that his is taking advantage of me financially. I don't see that..and assure them it is not happening.
Expert:  KimberlyF replied 6 years ago.

 

Customer

Your boyfriend is right, I'm sure no matter who you date they will not be good enough for you as far as your children are concerned. No matter how many times you tell your children that he is a nice guy they have it in their minds to see bad in him but you have to realize that you have to live for you now and that your children are grown and of age to take care of themselves just try to keep the two separate until they can find common ground. If you allow your children to pick and choose who you care about and love you just might find yourself alone for the rest of your life that is just the way children are, hopefully they come around and see your boyfriend for who he truly is. It's not very often you find someone with the same interests as you and someone who is considerate and kind, so don't lose that and just explain to your children and it's time for you to find what truly makes you happy and that this guy does that for you.

They might even be concerned because you met him online and they know what online relationships can be like because of the horror stories but there have been very successful online relationships that last and are healthy. Just make sure you let your children know that you will always be there for them but it's time also for you to make yourself happy also and that your boyfriend does that for you and he is fun to be with and he likes the same things you do. It will just take time for your children to adjust to the fact that you are no longer willing to be alone to make them happy and that you have to find happiness also. If you have anything to add click reply it is free.

KimberlyF, Longtime Relationship Expert
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 750
Experience: Relationship expert for almost three years with JustAnswer.com
KimberlyF and 3 other Relationship Specialists are ready to help you
Customer: replied 6 years ago.
He is trying to connect with his son now since his divorce is completely over ( he was separated when we first met) and his son is writing him back and tells him that he loves him (initially, my boyfriend wrote him the same thing and had no problem telling him that he loved him and missed him). He calls me daily and tells me he loves me. I had not had a serious relationship for 12 years before I met him--my ex left when my 18 year old was 4 years old and remarried. Haven't seen him for 12 years now...
Customer: replied 6 years ago.
Thank you for your help...it is so difficult to find a decent relationship as you get older.
Expert:  KimberlyF replied 6 years ago.
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