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Ms Chase
Ms Chase, Life Coach
Category: Relationship
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Experience:  Over 20 yrs experience with Relationships, Sexuality, Friendship, and Family Issues
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What does being in love feel like and how do you know it is ...

Resolved Question:

What does being in love feel like and how do you know it is really love that you are feeling?
Submitted: 7 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Ms Chase replied 7 years ago.

Hello Maeg,

I think that when you first meet someone you are attracted to, you become "infatuated" with them. This is the beginning, immature phase of "real love". You wonder about their thoughts, feelings, doings, family, past, etc. We think about them all the time and we want to interact with them as much as possible. During this time it is not uncommon to want to spend every waking moment with this person, talk on the phone for hours on end, and feel like you have everything in common with them. They are exactly like you, you like all the same things, everything they do has the potential to make you happy.

Infatuation is really about self gratification, it is not a giving love.

After a while these feelings of infatuation may start to wear off, as you get to know the person better and are confronted with their flaws and inadequacies you may start to feel that maybe you don't have as much in common as you thought.

This is where the possibility of real love can come in. When you can face your mates flaws and inadequacies, and still love them in spite of, and sometimes even for it!

However "real love" goes even deeper than that. Real love means being yourself, in all of your glory, good and/or bad and feeling confident that this person will accept you regardless. Real love is knowing you can trust this person and that they can trust you, and although it is possible to hurt one another it is avoided at all cost. Sharing, understanding and communication are a part of your daily life while childish fantasy or unreasonable expectations are let go. Real love gives you a feeling of security and safety. It is based on mutual respect, mutual admiration, and a real concern for the other's well being.

It is said that the person who "infatuates" us, is the last thing that we consciously want. We are infatuated with our "Imago", an unconscious image of the person our childhood programmed us to become infatuated with.

We actually become infatuated with people who have some of the traits that we wouldn't like to find in ourselves. For example, when we tell someone "you're just like my father/mother" we are saying we see the traits that we don't want to admit we may have inherited. When we choose those traits in a mate, we can feel whole without having to take responsibility for that aspect of ourselves. We are not in love with that person, we are in love with the missing part of ourselves.

Real love on the other hand allows for individuality...it stands the test of time, it withstands hardship, it sticks around.

I don't believe it's possible to know if what you share with someone is "real love" until you have spent time with them, gone through life changes with them, shared and cared and hurt with them. Knowing that there will be pain and challenges and still exhibiting a willingness to love...despite.

I hope this helps, if you have any further questions, feel free to ask, it costs nothing to click reply. If this has helped, please remember to click the green accept button.

Warmly,

Chase

Ms Chase, Life Coach
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 2897
Experience: Over 20 yrs experience with Relationships, Sexuality, Friendship, and Family Issues
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Ms Chase
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