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Peter, Human Being
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 2
Experience:  I have a degree in Theology and have closely worked with youth and elderly. Seen alot of things.
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Is my boyfriend mentally retarded

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My boyfriend got drunk the other weekend, and I was out dancing iwth one of my friends. Someone was harassing me and I called my boyfriend to come and meet me. He took someone's car that he didn't know when the keys were in the ignition and now he is facing a jail sentence. He is not a criminal. More stupid that criminal. He is a good person and was trying to come to my rescue. Now he is having suicidal thoughts because he says that he doesn't understand why he does these things. He just doesn't think and now he is just creating problems for people that he cares about when he was trying to help. I can not break up with him. I do love him for better and worse. So I am sticking around. His behavior does not effect me in the sense that it is influential...when he is around me he behaves. He becomes a total different person when he drinks and it doesn't take many drinks to effect his mind. He is an athlete and feels that he metabolizes the alcohol faster which surprises him. What sort of help does he need from professionals and me? He wants to sort out his life and start growing up. Especially now that he is in serious jeopardy with the law. This is not effecting the quality of our relationship because I have always taken the role of the level-headed mature person and he the child. His thought development doesn't seem to pay beyond the maturity of a 14 year old at most times. But he is still intelligent in the book sense, but in real-world experience, he has not a clue.
Submitted: 10 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Peter replied 10 years ago.
It sounds to me like his behavior is affecting your relationship. If he ends up in jail that will severely affect your relationship with him. Drinking seems to be at the root of the problem; is it possible for him to attend AA meetings? You could attend with him, and support him so that he doesn't feel abandonded. Often times, as you noted, the age that a person starts to drink often is the age of emotional and mental maturity that that person will have for the rest of their life. If your boyfriend started drinking at age 14 that is where he will stay unless he gets clean. A good relationship should be equally yolked, not level-headed and child. I don't htink that he is mentally retarded, just in need of some help. If you do think that he is capable of harming himself, you have the obligation to call is better to have him safe than not. My suggestion is to enroll in Alcholoics Anon, and encourage him to stop drinking and make some other choices.
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