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Yosemite Sam
Yosemite Sam, Clergy
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 42
Experience:  Ordained Interfaith Minister, Wedding Services, Consulting, Counseling
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relationship issue

Customer Question

I am 24, been dating my special fellow for 2
yrs. now
and all is wonderful except his mother is very
excluding
of me and expects a lot of time/attention from
her son.
IS THIS a big red flag for me OR WILL SHE
ALLOW US OUR
INDEPENDENCE?
Submitted: 11 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Yosemite Sam replied 11 years ago.


How does your special fellow feel about this?



Its not a matter of her allowing you to have independence.

Its a matter of the two of you asserting your independence.



Are you going to take the relationship to the next step?

As it gets more serious Mom will probally act different.



God Bless, Good Luck


















Expert:  Jeremy replied 11 years ago.
Well it seems that his mother is afraid of you takeing away her baby, u just need to talk to her, and say i am not trying to take your son away from you, also maybe *yer partner* has not had a relationship before *or one his mother knew about* and its just something she is'nt used to. just explain to her you love him and nothing is gonna change that. hope this helps.
Expert:  Guests replied 11 years ago.
If you feel this guy is worth it AND he is willing to stand up to Mom then continue in the relationship. If he berates you un front of Mom and always bows and caves in to what Mom wants then let him go.
Customer: replied 11 years ago.
Thanks so much. Good to be reminded that it
will be US who acquire our own
independence and also to let mom know I
love her son very much. I failed to mention
that she is of Italian descent and I have heard
that Italian mothers have this thing about
keeping their boys close to their apron strings.
I believe this is the case here. She has a
daughter who is 29 who she nearly shuns
away compared to how she has her claws into
my fellow. I am encouraged that he has
spoken up to her about including me more in
conversations and he has told her how very
important I am to him. So....any advice about
this Italian cultural thing? It is so very odd to
me that a woman would not want her son to
go out and have his own independence in
every way! Help.....should I see the writing on
the wall and split? I love him.
Expert:  Yosemite Sam replied 11 years ago.

Hang on to him, sounds like a great guy to me?



To love is to take care of.

I bet she will be taking care of you sooner rather that later.



If you think an Italian Mother is a hard nut to crack. Try a Grandmother.



Family is important and if you Love him you need to embrace all of him. Soon you will be a big part of the family.

and to Italians Family is everything.



God Bless















Customer: replied 11 years ago.
Thanks so much.....embracing the all of him IS
important. My problem is that I came from a
family that, to me, seems to be so very healthy
in letting their little birds fly out of the nest and
empowering us birdies to fly, fly, fly!!! I love
this fellow so very much and we have a great
deal in common as well as mutual respect for
eachother.....best friends. In the back of my
mind I wonder if his mom will in deed be a
problem for me or should I keep on looking for
that "perfect" situation where I feel so very
welcome, appreciated and accepted?? Why
can't his mother be as accepting as mine????
Expert:  Yosemite Sam replied 11 years ago.
Why
can't his mother be as accepting as mine????




Because she is HIS mother!!!



She will come around. But he will always be mommas boy.






Expert:  sharon frost replied 11 years ago.
A mild red flag....it's up to your fellow to put the boundary on his mom. If he refuses, or keeps putting it off, then his mom has control of him, as well as other females would too.....then he's hen-pecked. Inwhich then I would suggest assertiveness training, and counseling as to why he allows his mom to be the dominent one.
Good Luck.
Customer: replied 11 years ago.
All responses have been very good food for
thought but I still need some insight into the
Italian cultural thing I see going on. anybody
know how this does work with Italian
mommies and their little boys? Does this go
away? I understand it will be up to my fellow
to draw the line with her but I have heard that
these mamas and their boys have this
connection that has staying power. Insights
welcome!
Expert:  The Mystic Wave replied 11 years ago.

Greetings:


Are you wishing for "psychic" insight? Please let me know.


Thank you.


Bright Blessings.


Peace, Love & Happiness,


The Mystic Wave

Customer: replied 11 years ago.
Reply to The Mystic Wave's Post: A psychic interrpretation would be interesting
to me. Please remember that my fellow and I
are very solid and he has spoken to his mom
about the possibility of therapy for her as well
as for them. This is a good sign. Somebody
advised me that most likely, if we take this to
the next step, she will back off. How will I
know this????? Speak to me about if this
might be a waving red flag or not for me.
Thank you very much. Do you know anything
about the Italian cultural ways with mothers
and their sons?
Expert:  Yosemite Sam replied 11 years ago.

Italian Cultural Ways





I have an article that I think you may find interesting.

from an European Paper titled AT HOME WITH MAMMA



Article Link = http://www.chass.utoronto.ca/~ngargano/corsi/100/mamma.art.html



Let me know what you think?













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