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The Mystic Wave
The Mystic Wave, Relationship Advisor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 427
Experience:  Natural born empath, spiritualist, clairvoyant, gifted psychic. 36 yrs - offering advice & guidance
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Feeling Like I want to cheat on my husband

Customer Question

I have been married for two months, living with him for a year and a
half, and have been with him for almost two years. Our marriage is
bad, constant fighting. We began fighting about two weeks into our
relationship. Anyway, as of about a week ago I have had this
overwhelming urge to cheat on him. Not to hurt him but because I want
that excitement of even just kissing another guy. A couple years ago
before I met him I was a partier and would makeout with numerous guys
all the time. I thought I was over this stage when I met him and have
believed I was for a long time. Now I want even for a night to go
drinking and just casualy makeout with guys. I don't want to hurt my
husband and I would die if he even had thoughts like these but I can't
keep myself from feeling this way and need to know how to stop these
feelings. I don't think I would actually cheat on him but I can't be
certain. I do love him a lot but I think it's our constant fighting
and my feelings that I might want a divorce.
Submitted: 11 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Lindie replied 11 years ago.

How old are you and your husband? any kids involved? Rent or own?

Expert:  Heather Posey replied 11 years ago.
I have a question for you! Why did you marry this guy or stay with him this long if you have been fighting since 2 weeks after you met?
Here's the deal. If you love him and want to be with him then you have got to get yourself into some counseling and it would be helpful if he'd go with you. But first you have to decide what you actually want to do with your life. Just wanting to randomly make out with varied guys that you don't know is a very risky behavior, and you must protect yourself by using condoms and not drinking too much if you do go out. And risky behavior means that there's something going on with you, some deeper problem that surfaces as risk taking and arguing with your husband. I'm sure he has a role in all of this too, but I'm not sure what he's doing that you're running from. Is it committment in general? If you've only been married for two months and you're already wanting a divorce, you need to have a heart to heart talk with him, and tell him how you're feeling. And do it in a non-threatening, caring way. Conjure up memories of what it is that made you fall for him in the first place -- if there's any doubt, don't go the divorce route just yet, and definitely don't cheat just yet. Give it time, and talk openly and honestly with your husband -- communication is key.
Customer: replied 11 years ago.
Reply to Lindie's Post: I am almost 23 years old and my husband is 25. We have no children and he owns a house that we bought after we started dating but we don't both own it.

I use to be not an easy girl but the type that guys would strive to get drunk because they thought I might do something. I was always the center of attention around guys. My husband and I are homebodies and I don't party at all.
Expert:  Melissa replied 11 years ago.
Sorry to hear that your marriage has started off so rough. Before I begin...if your husband is abusing you in any real help, don't put it off! But if not, then I hope my advice will help.
I competely understand what you are going through. I have been married 9 months and have gone through feelings like you have now. My best advice is to sit down together and have a nice long talk about all the arguing. Remember what attracted you to your husband in the first place. Just because your married also doesn't mean you can't have fun. Is your husband a partier? Take him out for a night on the town. I think what you are missing most is not all the other men, its the fun and freedom you felt (which i totally understand!) But being married doesn't mean you give up the fun. When my husband and I first got married I found that we were fighting a lot over nothing. The one thing I have learned it to pick my battles. That has helped a lot! Also,we try to set a time atleast once a week to hang out, either go out, or stay home and watch movies or play games! As goofy as that sounds it has helped us a ton. Be patient and remember how blessed you are to have found a man that loves you so much. Marriage takes work, but its so worth it! Good Luck
Expert:  Lindie replied 11 years ago.

23 & 25 is fairly young still to know what you really want out of life. So I guess I can understand why you have this feeling of wanting to go have fun.

Even if you both are a perfect match (no fighting--get along great--enjoy the same things) you can't be home-bodies either.

So maybe that might be part of what you are missing, and so much that you are taking it to wanting to go out since you are not happy at home. Cause you do love your man as you say you do. But I would get bored if all hubby and I did was work and came home.

If you really want to make this work you need to talk to hubby and explain that you need to go out and have contact with other people too. Which would hopefully include mutual friends.

Since you don't have kids yet, you both should be enjoying your time as a couple.

But do remember, even if you were to "see" someone even if it's kissing or going all the way, you are putting your hubby in danger too. There are too many std's out there to mess around and that would not be fair to him.

And if you get into that situation you may not be able to say no, so in that case... don't even put yourself in that situation.

You may find someone you can have a lot of fun with. But just remember that saying.. The grass is not greener on the other side....

So in short... you do have a choice, try to work things out and make a family with you two... or go see what else is out there. But each relationship starts out great because they are all new and have that great butterfly feeling and excitement about them... but at one point you will be at the same point as you are with hubby now. Just need to try and figure out why you are fighting and work on those fights and go out as a couple and do things that you use to do when you were dating.. for that is what brought you together in the 1st place.

Even though you still have years yet to go.. just remember you should have something in common w/your spouse because as one point in your life.. the sex won't even matter.

Good luck and let me know if you need anything else.

Expert:  The Mystic Wave replied 11 years ago.

Greetings May:

I am sorry about your situation. My thoughts are with you.

You state:

"I have been married for two months, living with him for a year and a half, and have been with him for almost two years. Our marriage is bad, constant fighting. We began fighting about two weeks into our relationship."

I would venture to say that the reason why you are fighting is because your relationship has changed.....from friendship to marriage - the two of you need time to adjust. This is natural. Both of you are trying to defend your own position. There is a good article written (see link below......I'm specifically refering to "Rude awakenings after marriage") which may help put things into proper perspective for you:

Putting Romance Back Into Marriage

Your thoughts about cheating is a defense mechanism and to help keep the thought/feeling of love alive in your heart and soul - which is also natural.

I would be open and honest with your husband now - let him know about your thoughts on cheating. There's a saying "one thing leads to another" thus, keeping something like that from him so early into your marriage can very well spoil your marriage for the future!

My best to you both.

Bright Blessings.

Peace, Love & Happiness,

The Mystic Wave

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