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K McMillion
K McMillion, Average Guy
Category: Relationship
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Experience:  Normal guy
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in love in pain

Customer Question

my boyfriend and i have been together a year and a half and just had a baby. We are having serious problems and are hanging on by a thread. our biggest problem is trust. He gets sexual text messages from this girl and he says its nothing, he just flirts with her because he needs her for an explainable reason that i understand. But it still hurts me that he talks to her like that. Its constant problems with her. ive asked him to stop talking to her and he said he would alot but hasnt. In our relationship what he says goes. Hes very stuborn, and hes not very good at communicated with me. But with all my jealousy it makes him jealous, but the things he brings up are stupid like theres a shoeprint on the wall or where did you get that shirt. He also says that i dont make him happy anymore. and i try so hard for him, i do everything he tells me, and i do things i wouldnt usually do just to make him happy.he is under alot of stress right now. He tells me all the time that he wants to split up and i beg him not to leave me and it always works, but the last time i was fed up and agreed to move out, i went and found an apartment and before i went to put the down payment he told me to stay in the other room til i got on my feet better, but that would have been to painul for me so i started to leave and he told me to give him back the check and i said no so he pulled me back in and we started yelling we ended up slapping each other across the face. Right there i knew that he was losing it. thats not him at all hes a very respectable man he started crying. He is suffering depression and anixety. we ended up talking and we both want to keep trying we need something I cant even image my life wo him and i dont want to, we both love each other very much. How do we get our trust back, and how do i make things the way they used to be.
Submitted: 11 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  joe barcus replied 11 years ago.
Im sorry what you are going though, well really what both of you are going though, I know this from experence and believe me when I say what I am going to say. what he is doing on the net is a very bad thing, and also a guilty person always turns to be a worse accuser, trying to shed the light on the other person and keep it off them, what I mean is he is doing this stuff with other girls, and still ask you or trys to paint the picture that you are doing the same thing.
you need to get control of it right now, put your foot down, its hard with a controling person but it can be done. look over my spelling im far from a good speller but I sure know how to cheat on a woman, and sure know what it feels like to be cheated on at the same time.
you need to say hey you are going to act like a husband or IM leaving.
Expert:  K McMillion replied 11 years ago.
If he put his hands on you - slapped you across the face it is time to go, because the next time it may be with a closed fist. As far as living without him you did it before you met him. Since you have a child together he will be in you life, how much is up to you. From your post he is showing signs of a typical abuser - he will say and do hateful things to you until you've had enough and want to leave - then he will be very nice, perhaps cry tell you how much he needs you, buy you gifts, and even send flowers. Although you may not think so but you deserve to be treated better than that. And since you are asking a this type of question on here I believe that you know you deserve to be treated better than that. Even though it is just "email/chat" he is cheating on you, since he has formed an emotional bond that goes way beyond friendship with another woman. I may sound harsh but by his actions he think he knows that you will never leave him so he can do whatever he wants to you no matter how bad it hurts you both mentally and physically. If nothing else leave and get to know yourself again and enjoy these years with your child. When your ready start a relationship with a positive person that will treat you with the respect and dignity that you deserve.
Expert:  Andrea replied 11 years ago.
hi, jessica. i know its hard to be in that situation but always keep in mind that to every problem, there is always a solution (no matter how impossible it may seem). well, remember that the most important element in any relationship is COMMUNICATION; and it seems like this is where the both of you failed. it isn't enough that you just simply tell each other, "don't do this, don't do that." whenever one of you feels that there is something wrong with your relationship or with one's actions, you have to talk it over thoroughly. this is because when you fix problems superficially only, these will pile up and you are really headed for separation. past issues will be brought up every time you fight or have an argument. do you get me? jessica, if you both love each other and still want to work things out, do it as soon as possible. tell your boyfriend that you are still hanging on to your relationship because you love him and you want him to get better (because, as you said, he is suffering from depression and anxiety). you want to fix things for your child. who wouldn't want to give the best for his/hr child, right? so start fixing your relationship. make him open up ALL his feelings by assuring him that you're there to listen. then in turn, also do the same. disclose ALL your feelings towards him and your relationship and make him feel you trust him still despite everything that has been happening. do not act impulsively (by leaving him) if you think that you have not exhausted all possible solutions in fixing your relationship because you might regret it someday. COMMUNICATION is the ONLY key to bringing back trust in a relationship. i hope things become better soon for the two of you. i wish you good luck, jessica!Ü by the way, if you wish to chat with me online, you can give me your yahoo or msn id.Ü
Expert:  K McMillion replied 11 years ago.
If this relationship was just you and your boyfriend that would be one thing but you have your child to consider. Growing up in a single family home is difficult for a child sometimes but a child watching their mother being verbally abused and treated with no respect is harder.

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