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The Mystic Wave
The Mystic Wave, Relationship Advisor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 427
Experience:  Natural born empath, spiritualist, clairvoyant, gifted psychic. 36 yrs - offering advice & guidance
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Customer Question

I have been with my boyfriend for 9 months now. He is the most amazing person, different than anyone I've ever met in my life. We seem to be perfect for each other, and there is this mutual feeling that this is it I am pretty sure. We began having sexually related problems about 4 months ago though. He had performance anxiety some off and on and suffered feelings of inadequecy when things just didn't quite work so well those times. He is a perfectionist about everything, so he took it very hard. I have had relationships before, but have never experienced this sort of thing. We are in our early twenties and he says that it is common and that it has happened to his friends. He also said he gets nervous about it not being really great for me. It didn't bother me that much, besides that it really upset him. But, now I think I have suffered some from it too and not really realized it. I think it made me feel like maybe there was something wrong with me...like I am not attractive enough for him or something. (Although I know this is really not true.) I have never really been concerned about my attractiveness before. I have always been confident and secure. I know that my personality, along with looks and attitude make me attractive. But, now I am always checking to see if he is looking at other girls, etc. There have been times when I noticed him seeming to be turned on when we are together in public. It seemed obvious to me that he was looking at someone else. When I was upset and was finally able to talk about it, I explained how I felt and he became extremely emotionally upset. He tells me how much he loves me and that it is always just me (and will always be just me), but it's hard for me to ignore and forget what I have witnessed. I notice him checking out girls in front of me. I feel like he gets very easily turned on when it comes to seeing pictures, people on tv or in person- more than the average guy, or anyone I've ever dated or heard of. It doesn't seem normal to me, especially since we have sex every day, sometimes more than once. I think other guys have more control over this. It's like he is still in puberty or something, but he's not. I told him that when something happens,it makes me think that he is thinking about being with other people, being unfaithful to me. I know that he would never cheat on me, but it kills me to think about it. I know that everyone has thoughts and temptations sometimes, and this does not mean that they will necessarily act on those thoughts. But, I dont want to know if he does have thoughts, just like I would never tell him if I did. This is what angers me and doesnt seem fair to me. It makes me want to be single again so that I wont have to be hurt by this sort of thing. Noone else I have ever dated in my life (and I have dated more than just a handful) has been like this. In fact, I have never been jealous or even noticed a boyfriend looking at other girls and maybe becoming aroused. The situation is really upseting me. It has begun to consume my thoughts sometimes. I would say we are happy together almost 90% of the time, but when this issue happens, I am deeply saddened. It makes me want to end the relationship, but I feel like we are meant to be together, and I have never said that about any other relationship ever. We have talked about doing whatever it takes to keep things strong. But, I dont know what should be done. We are both desperate to be rid of any problem. He brought up going to counseling, anything to keep the relationship together. I dont know what I, personally, should do though.
Submitted: 11 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  The Mystic Wave replied 11 years ago.

Greetings:


I may not have the answer you're looking for - however, I can tell you that true and loving relationships do not come easy. The fact that your boyfriend is willing to go to counseling is great - you are very lucky he is in your life - you may wish to consider going with him - especially if you are able to financially, you are blessed.


People/couples get so caught up on what is "wrong" that they usually don't look at what is "right" - as well, too many expect so much that they get irritated/upset when something doesn't go their way. Do not fret.


By what you have written, it appears that the two of you are very compatible and that the two of you are meant to be together. Certain situations can bring one off the path but with proper care, love and understanding from others, things can get back to normal. It appears that your boyfriend may be going through one of those "moments" since we all have them - thus, it would help to allow things to flow, take it naturally - prehaps discuss the situation with him, keeping the conversation light, but do address your personal concerns with him. Perhaps he is having physical problems. You may need to bring this to his attention - it wouldn't hurt for him to seek the care of a physician - to be certain.


Losing your own self-esteem over this situation is not a good way to go - do try to be strong and hang on! Perhaps bringing new energy into your living space will prove effective - Light candles, bring in fresh flowers or plants - let nature in. Use more colors around you - pink is a great color, for true love - red for passion/lust - yellow for communication.


We can also get into a rut - and not take much notice of our partner - thus, take time out on the weekends - go on a picnic - or to the beach, try a new recipe - dinner by candlelight, soft music playing in the background, lightly scented bath with candles around the tub.....Perhaps a new outfit - Invite him out for dinner and a show. Surprise him with a gift for his birthday...every day is one's birthday - a day older!


I am sure that all will work out for the two of you - and you need to have faith and hope that it will also.


I wish you both the very best.


Bright Blessings.


Peace, Love & Happiness,


The Mystic Wave


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