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Kate McCoy
Kate McCoy, Counselor
Category: Relationship
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Experience:  Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues
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Should we break up

Customer Question

I am 4 years older than my boyfriend( i am 22) and he recently went to another country to stay for about a year. We have been dating for over a year and have talked about marriage. I recently found out he has been talking to a person he knows her and told her that he wondered what a relationship would be like with her and he said he hope it would work out but he wouldn't get his hopes up. I confronted him about it and he said that he loved me and he was just curious about what it might be like cause he had a crush on her but that he wanted to spend his life with me. He told me that he would do anything to stay with me and that he loves me. I love him but I don't know whether to believe him or not. My thinking is if he is thinking about her then he isn't thinking about being with me. He says that he wasn't thinking about breaking up he just wanted to know if she thought there could be anything between them. Should i break up with my boyfriend?
Submitted: 11 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  David Cuff replied 11 years ago.
In your email you said you had been dating for over a year and have talked about marriage. What did the talk consist of ? Was it dates, concrete things like where will you live, finances, children? How did you find out about this conversation with the other gal? What did the confrontation look like? How often are you in contact. Has there been any infidelity that you know of in the past. Do you have plans of seeing each other while he is gone? Why don't you know if to believe him or not? What are the questions in the back of your mind?
Customer: replied 11 years ago.
Reply to David Cuff's Post: As far as marriage goes we talked about waiting til i was finished with all my schooling. We talked about where we were going to live and about possibly having a child sometime in the future. I didn't want to set anything in stone yet until we were officially engaged. Well he actually told me himself but it was after someone kinda hinted that he had a crush on someone else and so i basically asked him if there was anything he needed to tell me and he knew immediatley and told me. We talk every single day without fail. We talk on the phone,e-mail, everything. He is suppose to come stay with me during christmas for a visit. The only reason I don't really believe him is just I feel like if he loved me and had no intention of breaking up with me for her then why did he ask her if she thought a relationship with him would work and why would he say that he hope it would work. He can't be with both of us so if she showed interest in him then what would he have done? He says he was just curious but if he loved me then why did he even think about her in that way and why did he ask her all those things?

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