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The Mystic Wave
The Mystic Wave, Relationship Advisor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 427
Experience:  Natural born empath, spiritualist, clairvoyant, gifted psychic. 36 yrs - offering advice & guidance
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love or not love

Customer Question

why would a man what only a separation and not divoce if he is already with someone else and he's having a child with that person.
Submitted: 11 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Steve -- a.k.a. Oreport replied 11 years ago.

This sounds like a man who wants to 'keep his options open' as the old
saying goes. In other words, while he may want to 'be with' the
'someone else' -- he doesn't want to divorce his wife, just in case the
new relationship doesn't pan out.



I cannot tell from your question whether you are his wife or the 'someone else'-- or whether he actually as a legal separation.



Either which way, in my opinion, both the estranged wife and the
'someone else' deserve better than this guy. Here' is why:



If you are his wife -- granting him a separation instead of seeking a
divorce, in the hopes that he will 'mend his ways' and come back to you
is bargaining from a position of weakness. He has already shown
that he does not respect you or his marriage vows. Giving in to
him further will not help.



If you are his 'someone else' -- his getting a divorce or so he is free
to marry you is no guarantee that he will. Even if he does marry
you, that is no guarantee of his faithfulness -- after all, you
relationship with him is living proof that he will cheat on a wife.



Whether or not either of you keep this loser -- he needs to be held
financially responsible for the child he conceived with 'someone else'.



Let me know if you need more input. If not, thanks for the
opportunity to assist you... I would really appreciate your honoring my
efforts by 'pushing the button' and Accepting this answer. Adding
a bonus -- should you wish to do so -- is always warmly welcomed.



Good Luck!



Steve



















Customer: replied 11 years ago.
Reply to Oreport's Post: i am the wife in this situation. this is what happened. last year my husband got me pregant and he told me if i didn't abort it he was going to leave me and he did. only cauing me to miscarry because of the stress. only to end up getting a co-worker pregant. now he keeps tell me he just whats separation and not divorce but he won't tell me why. the only thing he says is why are you in a hurry are you going to get married again. what is your opinion why6 he only whats separation and not divorce.
Expert:  Steve -- a.k.a. Oreport replied 11 years ago.


Again, he only wants separation because he wants you to remain
'available' to take him back, just in case things don't work out with
his new 'family'.



I'm sure you must be terribly confused and hurt by his actions, that is
very understandable. However, it is very important that you don't
let your hurt and confusion lead you into desperate decisions and
actions.



If you will seriously reflect on his actions and attitude toward toward
you starting when you got pregnant, I believe you will see that he does
not love or respect you.



No man who truly loves his wife would demand that she have an abortion as a condition for him remaining in the marriage.



Once again, he only wants a separation from you because you are his
'Plan B' -- you are the backup, reserve, 'just in case' woman --
because he doesn't want to be alone, if this new relationship falls
through.



By the way, if you do take you back it will be out of desperation --
and he will know this -- because of which, he will treat you even worse
than he has so far.



If you're still having trouble seeing how things really stand, ask yourself this:



If your daughter was in your position -- and asked you whether or not
she should hold off getting a divorce from her unfaithful husband who
has started a new family, in the hopes that he might one day come back
to her -- how would you answer?



Let me know if you need more input. If not, thanks for the
opportunity to assist you... I would really appreciate your honoring my
efforts by 'pushing the button' and Accepting this answer. Adding
a bonus -- should you wish to do so -- is always warmly welcomed.



Good Luck!



Steve
































Customer: replied 11 years ago.
Reply to Oreport's Post: why is he always saying he still care about me. also i know other people that se him sometimes and they say he does not look happy, and he tells people that he screwed up. what do you think i should do.
Expert:  Steve -- a.k.a. Oreport replied 11 years ago.
While he may be unhappy -- and may even tell people that he screwed up
-- I don't think you should take him back. Here's why:



It may well be that the reason he's unhappy is that he ended up in a
relationship that includes a new baby -- something he was willing to
leave you over -- rather than deal with, right?



For all you know, this may be the same reason he tells people that he
'screwed up' -- although, I doubt he tells them the complete truth
about why he feels this way.



What has he done to earn your respect, and trust on such a level that
you would consider taking a back? If you can't come up with a
good answer to this question it means that you want to take him back
for the wrong reasons.



Reasons such as (this is you talking):



"The pregnancy was my fault."
-- This is absolutely not true, it takes to people to make a baby and
family planning is the responsibility of both of them.



"I am afraid to be alone."
-- This man doesn't deserve the title 'Husband', which by the way,
means 'to lovingly care for'. As I've said before, he had shown
that he does not respect you, which means, if you take him back you
still will -- in all the important ways -- be alone.



"I do not deserve and/or cannot get anyone better than him."
-- Although this is not true, I have no doubt that you feel this way
about yourself. I also have no doubt that you feel this way about
yourself because of the way you have allowed this man to treat
you. The sad thing is, as long as you feel this way about
yourself -- it will seem as if it is true.



The only way to break free of this false image of yourself is to
completely break free of him -- and a separation which leaves you
'waiting in the wings' for his possible future return is NOT the way to
break free of him.



One Last Time -- This man once separation from you because he wants to
make sure he has a warm bed to go to -- no matter what happens.
This is further proof that he only cares about himself, his wants and
his needs.



He Is Manipulating You -- Plain and Simple. There's just no other way to look at it.



The good news is -- you have the power to make them stop doing
this. The first step down that road is for you to realize that
you must take care of yourself -- and the first step to doing that is
to make an appointment with a divorce lawyer.



Let me know if you need more input. If not, thanks for the
opportunity to assist you... I would really appreciate your honoring my
efforts by 'pushing the button' and Accepting this answer. Adding
a bonus -- should you wish to do so -- is always warmly welcomed.



Good Luck!



Steve
































Expert:  The Mystic Wave replied 11 years ago.

Greetings Debbie:


I'm sorry about your loss in pregnancy - my prayers and thoughts are with you.


Do you own property?


Do you have any children?


Knowingly, if one seeks divorce, there are assets to divide (if there is property) - and there would be child support to pay should there be a child(ren) in the family.


Speculating as to "why" may seem a bit irrelevant at this point.


Fact is what's real. The truth must be found from him only. If he refuses to tell you, you may need to make some changes. Another fact is that no one can tell you how to live your life - what to do, when to do it, how to do it. It's your marriage - it's your husband. Decide what is best for you.


I wish you the best.


Bright Blessings.


Peace, Love & Happiness,


The Mystic Wave

Customer: replied 11 years ago.
Reply to Oreport's Post: he has been saying alot of weird things like,   .i lost my wife 2.i still care about you.3. if feels like everyone is out to get him. he had even told his family about him having a baby with someone. why? if i told you everything he has said to me ithink he may either be mentally ill or he really does not know what he wants.he has been acting very strange.
Customer: replied 11 years ago.
but he wants to split up propery and he still wants separation and not divorce why? espcially when he is going to have . baby with someone else.is there a way that i can i get him for abameant? he not only left me if, he walked out and left me with a all of the bills

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