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Kate McCoy
Kate McCoy, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 1674
Experience:  Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues
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confused about a new relationship

Customer Question

I just started spending time with someone that I have been talking with for over a year and now I am developing feelings for her.we talk every day and when we are out I feel like she feels the same way about me but she does not want me to know.She is confusing me because I talk to her several times a day but we spend little time together and I can never get a straight answer when I ask if she wants to see me.When I try to make plans with her she says she doesnt know what she is going to do or that maybe we will see eachother or if we make plans she changes them last minute.My first feeling is that she is dating someone else but wherever she goes she calls me and lets me know what she is doing even though I never pressure her to tell me or even ask her to call.I don't know if I am making a big deal out of this or not and I don't know if I should tell her how I feel.I wanted to tell her face to face but I haveny been able to see her for a couple of weeks.What should I do.
Submitted: 11 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Chelsea replied 11 years ago.
HELLO! Have you told her that you like her? Tell her how you feel. Ask her how she feels about you two being together more than just friends. Girls will be girls though, and it is a possibility that she is seeing someone else. You may want to give her a call to see if you two could go out for supper or get together at a nearby park and then you could discuss it over supper or a walk. Let me know how everything goes. Hopefully she feels the same way, but right now it seems like she is seeing someone else.
Customer: replied 11 years ago.
Reply to Chelsea's Post: Thanks for your help,I've asked her once if she doesn't want to spend time with me and told her I don't have a problem with that, just tell me and she got mad and said why would I think that.I don't think she is seeing anyone else because wherever she goes she calls me even though I never ask her to.when she calls me we talk for a long periods of time so I don't think she would be with someone and be on the phone with me at the same time.She has had abusive relationships in the past so I feel that maybe she is afraid to get closer to me.I have tried to keep my distance I don't call her but she calls me at least twice a day.When we are together she is resonsive to me when I hold her hand or sneak a small kiss and she often grabs my hand or embraces me when I least expect it also when she first asked to see me she let me know that I would have to see her along with her three year old daughter, I informed her that I would not mind spending time with her and her daughter as long as she understood that I would rather not see them unless she planned on spending more time with me because I didn't feel it was right to let her daughter get attached to me if I was not going to be around for a while.I feel like maybe I am being too clingy and maybe I am making myself too available too her,I don't want to push her away but I do want to spend more time with her,What should I do.
Expert:  Chelsea replied 11 years ago.
Aha...abusive relationships. You, sir, are correct. You are doing the right thing. She has a daughter? How old is she? If her daughter is older, like elementary age, then maybe she doesn't want her daughter to go telling other people that she's seeing different men and is sexually active. Have you two had sexual relations yet? If so, I'm not sure why she would be straying away sometimes. She probably doesn't want to get too attatched becaues she has been hurt in the past- I mean, really hurt. Give it a little time, and soon enough you two will be a couple. Be sure to keep your communication steady. If you lose communication, you lose her. Hopefully everything goes well. Just TALK. Its the best thing you two can do. (But so far, you're doing it right)
Customer: replied 11 years ago.
Reply to Chelsea's Post: Thanks again for your help.Her daughter is three years old.I have decided to leave her alone and let her call me and see me when she wants to,I fear that maybe I have put too much pressure on her already because I often ask her when are we going to spend time together.We have not had sexual relations and that is partly why I am so confused.I usually do not get these feelings for someone untill I have already had sexual relations.This is why I have not yet told her how I feel,Maybe it is too soon to tell her how I feel.Lately her calls have been fewer then regular.Do you think I am doing the right thing in leaving her alone or should I just tell her how I feel,Thanks again.

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