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The Mystic Wave
The Mystic Wave, Relationship Advisor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 427
Experience:  Natural born empath, spiritualist, clairvoyant, gifted psychic. 36 yrs - offering advice & guidance
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Boyfriend in Vegas

Customer Question

It seems my boyfriend does what's called a 'body shot.'
I first found out about it Sunday where he did one (or more?) with his golf buddies. Whip cream is put on a girl's nipples and then he licks it off and drinks a shot from between her breasts. I'm sure it is very
popular here in Vegas.

I knew there were women at the golf things. I just didn't imagine licking going on. It bothered me. Still does. Bleck. And he came home and kissed me without even brushing his teeth. He denyed that he did any of
these shots for hours before admitting to it. Then he says the whip cream is just on her breasts; not nipples. I don't know where it is. Just...yuck...

I try to put it behind me...but then I think of it again and it bothers me.. God. What kind of world is it that you have to specify that your boyfriend please not lick another woman's breasts? And I'm the one appologizing for letting it bother me? I just wish I knew how to react. I do get angry with myself for being too conservative. Then feel guilty. Bla. I end up not liking him much, or myself.

Advice?
We are supposed to leave for a week in the Bahamas tonight and I having some serious doubts about going... If I say I don't wish to go, and why, it could cause a break up. Am I ready for that? If I ask him not to do "body shots" anymore, he will just say "okay," still do them and just lie about it as before. He's already mad that I made a big deal about it. In his mind, its no big deal. Yet he had to know that I would not like it, cause he lied about it for so long. So..I could go out and have some "fun" of my own. He says he doesn't care. Well, if he doesn't care who's licking my breasts, and I don't care who's breasts he's licking, do we really care about each other at all?
Submitted: 11 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Steve -- a.k.a. Oreport replied 11 years ago.
You said at all when you said: "What kind of world is it that you have
to specify that your boyfriend please not lick another woman's breasts?"



You are off the mark, however when you say: "I just wish I knew how to react."



In my book, your reaction (e.g revulsion, disgust, questioning the
level of care and commitment in your relationship) is (to use Las
Vegas imagery) 'right on the money'.



So-called 'body shots' are troubling enough because they 'objectify'
women. It is even more troubling that this type of behavior can
become so widely accepted.



The old saying 'actions speak louder than words' -- got to be an old
saying because it is true. Your boyfriend's actions (along with
his dismissive attitude of your problem with them) speaks volumes about
how little commitment and care he has toward you -- regardless of any
words to the contrary.



Bahamas? Were I you, I wouldn't even cross the street with this
guy. Trust me, he won't lose any sleep over the breakup -- and
neither should you.



Let me know if you need more input. If not, thanks for the
opportunity to assist you... I would really appreciate your honoring my
efforts by 'pushing the button' and Accepting this answer. Adding
a bonus -- should you wish to do so -- is always warmly welcomed.



Good Luck!



Steve





















Expert:  Vickie replied 11 years ago.

Dear vlwhite,


I guarantee you right now, even after being married for over 14 years - If my husband were to do something like that - he would soon be a single man! This guy is just setting you up for something worse down the line if he hasn't already!...and lied about it. He has already proved himself a liar, why would you trust him now? You don't have a clue what else he has done. I guarantee it. and it would be a very immature woman that would believe the line of crap he is putting out - or even take him back afterwords. You've heard the old saying...once a cheater, always a cheater! The fact is, that you have let him get away with it to this point, and so he has no reason NOT to. Do you see what I mean? The fact that he is licking other women's breasts in a public place shows nothing but contempt and disrespect for you. He is making a fool out of you in front of his friends - and anyone else who happens to be in the bar that knows you at the time. You are the only one who can put a stop to this. How would he feel if YOU were licking the whip cream off of a man...and not from his nipples??? I'm sorry dear...it just wouldn't happen. And, I don't know that I could ever trust him again, even if he DiD say he was going to stop! A man like that has no morals or conscious, and I guarantee you that it would only be a matter of time before he was sneaking out again. Stand up for yourself dear...NO ONE else is going to, and if you allow this treatment now, then expect worse soon! He's got everyone laughing at how vulnerable you are! get your pride back in tact, flip this guy a quarter, and tell him to go buy him one of his "shot" girls! Then find someone else that knows the meaning of respect!


good luck to you, you are in my prayers!!!!!

Expert:  The Mystic Wave replied 11 years ago.

Greetings:


Do you care? - and, how long have you been with him?


This seems quite bold on his part. There are all different types of relationships and it appears by his actions that he wants a casual relationship, meaning being with you but free to be with others - or it may go deeper.


From what you have written, this is not acceptable to you and may be hurting you - yet you indicate "So..I could go out and have some "fun" of my own".....Certainly, if you point the finger at him saying perhaps that he may be cheating, or acting in a loose manner --here is what confuses me -- how does two wrongs make a right? What would it prove?


Advice? - You may wish to ask yourself if you do care for him. The fact is though that you can't make anyone change and if this is the way he is, what are you going to do - force him to do otherwise? How well with that go over? One doesn't need to have a leash around their neck. In a relationship, in order for it to be real and meaningful, one needs to accept their mate - including any so-called "flaws" they may have. This may in fact be his way - not ready to settle down. Knowingly, people come in and out of our lives for many reasons. What purpose does he serve in your life? Why are the two of you really together?


If you do care and you do want to be with him, it would help to tell him straight out that this is unacceptable to you - and if he cares and wants to be with you as well, then he should learn to curb this impulse of his and show some respect.


I am far from being in the position to tell you exactly what you must and/or should do about your boyfriend. Certainly, anyone over the age of 18 is considered an adult and allowed to make their own choices in life. Question: Do you want your boyfriend to be subservient to you because you have different views and lifestyle - why should he change for you? Out of care and respect and wanting to be in a relationship with you would be a good reason to change - but not to be subservient. However, care and respect must be within and about him first, in order for you to reap any benefits.


You have a difficult decision to make - but it must be on your terms and no one else's - since you are the one who will have to live with it. Note also, that some guys like to have a wild time, just to get it out of their system - and they really are sincere individuals - who care deeply, love, plan on one day having a wife and children, owning a house with a white picket fence....it takes all kinds.


Personally, I believe in following one's own heart and soul - listen to your own intuition - you are the one who really knows him...but certainly it would help to take a stand and truly express your feelings - keeping it inside will only build resentment.


My very best to you and your boyfriend - and I am hoping that all turns out to your satisfaction. Enjoy your trip to the Bahamas! I believe you will go!


Bright Blessings.


Peace, Love & Happiness,


The Mystic Wave

The Mystic Wave, Relationship Advisor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 427
Experience: Natural born empath, spiritualist, clairvoyant, gifted psychic. 36 yrs - offering advice & guidance
The Mystic Wave and other Relationship Specialists are ready to help you
Customer: replied 11 years ago.
I really appreciate the time and consideration for each of your responses. This has been difficult for me. At 39, this is the first boyfriend (he's 48) that I've really wanted to share my life with....but I could not accept any licking of other women. I would have resentment.

In reguards to the "subservient" reference, he's the more dominant in our relationship and that works for us, as he is also respectful of my opinions. I haven't had to set any real limits up to this point. He has more experience than I and just seems to know when to call, how to treat me well ect. without me guiding him along.

So my boyfriend and I had a long talk, which started with a lot of yelling, our first near break up, then finally understanding on both our parts, and a promise. He said a lot to convince me he will keep his word including that he would not want to do anything to jepordize our life together. And I promised not to bring this up again and truely let go of it. I'd almost call it a positive experience as I learned that both of us value our relationship enough to make it through this.

So we are off to the Bahamas! Again I do wish to thank all that took the time and effort to help me though this, even if I could not afford to pay each of you. I liked that Mystic Wave offered possibilities for my boyfriend's behavior and my own, without blaming, so his advice was accepted.

Thank you, all!!
Expert:  Steve -- a.k.a. Oreport replied 11 years ago.



You are very welcome to our advice.



Just to follow-up, though... You say: 'I learned that both of us value our relationship enough to make it through this.'



Besides through his words (let's be honest, the words of someone who
has lied to you before) how have you learned of your boyfriend's
'value' of your relationship --and you?



By buying into the 'possibilities' regarding your boyfriend, you seem to be buying excuses for his inexcusable behavior.



'He's the more dominant and experienced one.'



'...some guys like to have a wild time, just to get it out of their system - and they really are sincere individuals ...'



Please... Would your Grandmother have put up with being treated
like this? Will you advise your daughters to cut their boyfriend
this much slack?



Believe me, I hope I'm wrong, but I fear that your trip to the Bahamas
will, one day, end up being filed under: 'Adventures in denial'.



Good Luck!



Steve

























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