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Billy
Billy, Father, Husband and Friend
Category: Relationship
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Experience:  Two daughters / one college graduate the other 2 years old
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jail bait

Customer Question

i have a friend in jail who wrote me a letter he started out saying he's sending a few lines and where he is and the type of facility that he is in. he stated that i probably know how to contact him because his whereabouts is public info. he went on to ask if i could send him some money because the money he has takes a month to reach him. he was just transferred to the state prison from the county jail. he went on that he had asked his mom for money and that she probably doesn't have any and he wasn't able to send me a visiting form because the facility is on lock down. he ended with for me to write him back and if i could send some money that'll be o.k and his last sentence was for me to keep in touch, later. he closed with "you know" a macho code we use to say "i love you". my question is what is the real message here and what's more important and least important in this letter. I want to be a friend but i don't want to be used and what shall i do?
Submitted: 11 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Vickie replied 11 years ago.

Dear dl,


I am sorry to say dear, but in my opinion...you are being used. He probably sent that same letter out to everyone he knows. They use money in jail to buy anything and everything, and you don't want to be a part of that. Once you send this guy money, he will be bugging you non stop for it, then it will be harder to stop it when you get tired of it, and if you "don't" give it to him again then he will treat you really bad! And when he gets out of jail, it will be like he never knew you. All you are for him at the moment is another possible money source...ask your self...if the situation were changed would he give you the money? I doubt it. and the "macho code" for I love you is crap! plane and simple. Don't get pulled into this game, and don't let yourself get pulled into a possible dangerous situation. I guarantee you that if you send him money...he will write and ask again, then when he gets out...of course he will be broke, cus his mom had no money...and he will remember that you gave him money in jail, so where is he going to come?? He is there for a reason, don't make it easy for him.


Good Luck to you, and stay strong!

Expert:  The Mystic Wave replied 11 years ago.

Greetings:


The message is that he is in need of money - also, when one is in jail or prison - having money, can fend off others, can keep peace among the other prisoners, can even save one's life...for life is not easy behind bars.


He contacted you for you are one that he thought of that may be able to help him financially. I wouldn't worry about being used for one can only be used if one allows one's self to be used.


Perhaps it may be an uncomfortable feeling for you to correspond or to help another who is serving time - depends on your outlook/attitude about life and others - how others conduct themselves, of their morals/beliefs (as well as your own, of course) - the way they handle their affairs in life. Some people may be totally turned off by corresponding with one serving time behind bars - while others may not give it a second thought.


As far as your feelings about sending him money are concerned, are you a generous person? Do you help others in need? Do you do something just because someone is asking? Do you wish to get involved with someone - (which is really your "friend" as you have stated in your question), who has gotten himself into trouble?


Knowingly, a "friend" is someone who is there regardless, no matter what the case may be.....can a friend consider their own self being used just because of a request for financial assistance?...while on the other hand, an acquaintance asking for same may be an entirely different story.


There is no need for guilt should you not wish to assist - the more important thing to consider is being true to your own self - Don't do anything that you don't believe in! ....no need to regret it in the future.


If you do decide not to send him money, you may wish to let him know - perhaps by contacting his other friends or family members (if you can), would be a great help - to alert them to the fact that he is in need.


The decision is really yours - just go by your own beliefs.


My best to you and know that my prayers and thoughts are with your "friend"......!


Bright Blessings.


Peace, Love & Happiness,


The Mystic Wave


Expert:  Billy replied 11 years ago.
Ive been in jail. Its hell on earth. Some people watch to much tv and think money is only used for protection or whatever. Maybe sometimes that is true but its rare. The only thing to look forward to is mail and commisary. Once a week you get to buy things like soda pop..candy bars, toothpaste, pens, paper etc. Most are only allowed to spend so much per week. If you are a freind send him what you can. If you are not.....dont.

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