It sounds like you are emotionally connected to this man and have been intimate with him. Your head however, is also telling you something else...
If the love between the two of you was as strong as it takes to endure the many, many challenges that come with relationships and the future you would know without a doubt this was the man. There are many, many areas of concern I hear in your note... for instance, I know you know this... if you are truly in love and have a strong relationship built on TRUST, common goals, values, and beliefs then you would not have a desire to cheat on him. You also really would trust whatever he says is going on with him and his ex. you would not be uncertain. From the sounds of it a key part of a good relationship is definitely lacking with the two of you... TRUST.
I wish I could tell you everything will be groovy in your future with this man because I know how difficult it is to pull away from someone we care for greatly. You can still care for this man but you know your relationship is not what it should be.
You can find another job but this is your life and you deserve to be loved better than what you have in this relationship. Be strong. Think about the future ahead of you because it is bright!
Well dear, first of all...does his "ex", live in the same town you are wanting to move to?? If she does, and you have been 380 miles away, how do you know exactly what their relationship is or has been all this time? Have you ever caught him in a lie? Most of the time when you decide to get into a relationship where there is an ex involved...it will work out one of three different ways. Either they will pretty much "hate" each other, and be fighting constantly even though they are divorced, with her never coming around....or, they will have a "kids only" type relationship where they are only civil to each other while the kids are around, seeing each other the least amount possible....or, they will have this "love/hate" relationship where they tend to argue a lot, but are still jealous of each other, using the kids as an excuse to slip out and see each other, fighting to "make-up", and you will never get rid of her, as when you say anything about her to your boyfriend he will get defensive taking up for her, and she will come around more than wanted by you, still trying to run things. I don't know which would be worse...I guess it depends a lot on what kind of person you are, maybe you are the kind of person that would not mind having the ex over for dinner - and watching them play "footsie" under the table, knowing that you better "never" say a bad thing about her....oooh heeew, that one makes me mad just thinking about it...I couldn't/wouldn't do it for even 1 minute, 1 time. I am sorry though, I just don't know if he ever really tried very hard to find a job where you are at...from the way it sounds to me...and it is only "my" opinion...I'm not so sure he really wanted to move to where you are at. I think he gave it a "half baked" attempt so you would think that he is trying, and quickly retreated back to "his" stompin grounds...if you know what I mean. I believe that you have a lot of thinking to do before you pull up stakes and move 380 miles away. If he is treating you like this now...what is he going to do 6 mo. from now when he gets tired of his playhouse being messed up? I might also add...that now he has fuel. The fact that you cheated on him awhile back just gave him an excuse, he may figure that you "owe him one", that I am sure he will pull out as needed when you are actually there to see pretty much everything that is going on. After you get there is when you will start hearing the little rumors if anything is or has went on, as there are always people out there that is more than willing to cause a little trouble every now and then. Another thing to consider...is you are moving to "HIS" home town, where all of "THEIR" friends are or were, and are more than likely still "their" friends, and now the wives of his friends might tend to look down on you and give you a hard time, especially if the wives are still friends with his ex, along with his family, etc. etc. if you are getting what I mean...I would think that this might wind up being pretty hard to deal with, unless you have a "very" strong, loving, truthful, faithful, tolerant, and NON JEALOUS relationship. If you think you can do this you are a very strong woman, as I would not be. If you two can overcome all of this extra baggage which will pretty much all be his, cause he won't be around your ex, family and friends on a regular basis...how long did you say he tried living with you...3 weeks?? You will just have to learn that this is the way things are going to be. He will still see his ex wife "for the kids", he will continue taking her phone calls "for the kids", I think that you get the point..
Good Luck to you my dear, I sure hope things work out for you, You are in my prayers.