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Andy
Andy, Married 30 years!
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 162
Experience:  Have dealt with many relationship issues as a husband, father, and oldest brother to six sisters!
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Tell or not to tell

Customer Question

My Father just left my Mother after 37 years of marriage. He ran off with another woman and left the country. My mother was completely shocked and thinks he will come back to her...she doesn't know about all the affairs he has had for the last 10 years. I told another family member about the affairs and she is pushing me to tell my Mother. He just left a week ago...I don't want to hurt her anymore and think it's unnecessary. Should I say anything or just keep quiet?
Submitted: 11 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Steve -- a.k.a. Oreport replied 11 years ago.




Tough call -- but since you have 'told another family member' 
others know now (or soon will).  If you don't tell her, when she
hears it from someone else (and she will) it will hurt even more.



That said, it may be unwise to tell all to her at this immediate juncture -- still, my
advice would be to tell her soon -- so that you can soften the blow as
much as possible.



She will, no doubt, want to know why you didn't tell her 'several
affairs ago' when, in her mind at least, she might have been able to do
something to change what has now become her future.  She may feel
that both her husband -- and her son -- thought her the fool.



Choose your words carefully, but be honest about why you stayed silent.



Also realize that the additional revelations may not change her
conviction that your father will return.  If this is her stance I
advise letting her hold to that view.  She will let go of that
belief when, and if, she's ready.



Good Luck!



Steve


 
 
 
 












Expert:  Andy replied 11 years ago.

Please by all means let her know. Have a talk with her. Just tell her that you were trying to protect her by not telling and that you were also somewhat living in denial yourself and was waiting for more "proof" in order to be sure before you told her. You might be surprised. She too may have known or had an inkling of what was going on. Leave it at that unless she wants to say more. You too are hurt by this and, I don't know what age you are but, are probably living with your own unjustified guilt. Give it time then she will realize that he is not coming home.


Hope I helped :) 

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