Thank you. There may be a possiblity that he is experiencing difficulty in obtaining an erection. You said that he has gained weight, has a low sex drive and is under stress.
Stress alone can contribute to a low sex drive with a male or female. An unexplained weight gain can have a underlying medical reason, which can also contibute to the low sex drive. When a male feels that he cannot adequately gain or maintain an erection, he will show little interest in sex. Some men are very intimidated as well as embarrassed with this situation. Considering the 20 year age difference between the 2 of you, I would take that into consideration. He may feel as though he is very inadequate to fulfill your needs and is too embarassed to discuss it with you. Try to be understanding and let him know that he can comfortably discuss this with you. He may want to see his medical Dr. to rule out any medical condition that could be causing his lack of interest. As Men mature, the male harmone,Testosterone, declines which can slow down his sex drive also. I hope I have helped you, if you have any other questions please contact us. Thank you.
I would not worry about not being able to engage in sex with your husband at this time. It appears that your husband is going through some emotional issues right now - as you say he has gained some weight - thus, it does appear to be that he is feeling a bit self-conscious. I would count your blessings that your husband is still able to make love with you - even though it is 3-4 times a month....some can't at all. I would suggest that your husband schedule an appointment with his primary physician for a physical exam.
Your question comes across as a need for your own fulfillment - - I am a little concerned.......as there shouldn't be a problem with your marriage if your husband does not engage in sex for a period of time - or longer - being married - loving another human being is not just about "sex" it's about committment - it's about loving unconditionally, it's about caring, it's about compassion - (it's not based merely on sexual pleasure).....
You must forgive me, but (and with all due respect).....I do need to state that I am puzzled to see that you have listed yourself as a "Human Sexuality Specialist/Teacher" - and yet you are seeking information on how to deal with a personal "sexual problem" for I don't see this as a problem - I see it as a situation that needs to be looked upon as a possible physical condition - and the fact that your husband has even admitted to you about stress - well, that right there says a whole lot.
Please have him seek the advice of a professional medical practitioner - I believe that before long, he will be himself again...and hopefully, things can get back to "normal".....what you are accustomed to.
I wish you nothing but the best in your marriage.
Peace, Love & Happiness,
The Mystic Wave