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Michele Sayre
Michele Sayre, No professional title
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 52
Experience:  Writer--I study human nature to understand why people do the things they do.
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I need Help!!!

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My 18yr old daughter is dating this guy,and he only picks her up at night and she hasn’t even met his family he never comes to our house for family gatherings.We keep telling her he’s using her for a bootie call only . he doesn’t take her out nothing. Just to his house late at night.What can we do to get her to see .He’s no good? Now she's talking about moving in with him.But I know he just tells her that to shut her up ,because she hasn't met anyone in his family.Help!!!!

                      Thank you so very much
                       Shr_cas
 Hello,   If she is totally infatuated with this person,  you will have to handle it very carefully.  I know that you are very concerned for her well being and happiness.  She is 18 and of legal age to do what she wants,  so you really don't want to back her into a corner where she makes the wrong decision out of anger.  Try talking to her in a calm and sincere voice, let her know of your concerns and ask her if she wouldn't like it better to have someone who would take her to places and do things with her that she enjoys.  Could it be possible that this person is married or living with someone who is not there late at night?   Point out to her that she is missing the best part of her life with this type of relationship.   Ask her why she would want to be with someone who doesn't even want to meet her family or have her meet his family.    Mention to her that she is young and has her whole life ahead of her and many people yet to meet.   She may find a wonderful guy that will treat her with respect and be willing to enjoy things together.  Tell her that she is a special person and does not need to be used like he appears to be using her.   Good luck and I hope I have helped you.

Greetings:


I do not wish to make any assumptions about this boy - there's a saying "you can't judge a book by it's cover" - this is true - thus, no one knows for certain what is going on that is  making him pick up your daughter at this hour....Perhaps he works odd hours and can't make it at any other time - perhaps he doesn't make enough money at the present time to take your daughter out and buy her fancy things - A person shouldn't be viewed/judged because they lack material things.


I understand only too well that you want the best for your daughter. My father stood by my side every minute, until his passing some months ago, to make sure that I was taken care of properly - he always wanted me to have nothing but the best....and I did... My father always supported me in everything even though there were times he didn't agree with certain things or even certain people I chose to be with, however, I could always turn to him to discuss anything - and I have done the same for my son -  and that is what your daughter needs from you and certainly every child needs from their parents. No matter what decisions they make in life. Naturally, it's difficult to let go when they reach the age of majority - but it's only to the point wherein they are taking a stand for self and speaking up...showing independence.


I would make every effort possible to get to know this guy friend of hers, including his parents before passing total judgment on him...besides, not everything is as it appears to be - many situations can seem very negative when one doesn't know the absolute truth - yet when discovered, it can turn out to be truly positive - who would have thought same?


Getting more involved with your daughter's guy friend will lead you to the truth - Perhaps invite your daughter and her friend out to dinner, or to a play, or a museum, any kind of an event - try talking to his parents, get together with them.


However, if you have made every effort...yet, all to no avail, then simply let your daughter know that you are there for her - and be supportive - certainly, as a parent, I can safely assume here that you taught her right from wrong - so do try to have faith and trust that she will make the right decisions in life, especially about this guy friend.


If I can assist you further, please do not hesitate to let me know.


I wish you, your daughter and family the best.


Bright Blessings.


Peace, Love & Happiness,


The Mystic Wave

Customer: replied 11 years ago.
Reply to Anne's Post: I understand what your saying and I have stood behind my daughter 100%,But her sister is worried
about this guy also,Thats who my daughter leaves with her sister.She has also seen the things this guy does to her.Or shall I say the things he doesn't do.Making promises and then breaks them.
Tells her I'll pick you up and then never shows and is no where to be found.He doesn't work only on the weekends.So I do apreciate your responds but we've done all of that already.
                          Thanks again

  What do you think is making this guy so attractive to her? If it is ok for me to ask you.

Greetings:


Thank you for sharing more information so that we can assist you. In this case, I would like to add to my post that  someone needs to have a good, heart to heart talk with this boy and perhaps let him know that you do not wish for him to lead your daughter on - that he needs to have respect. That you are concerned for your daughter...or share whatever you wish ..in order to get the message across to him loud and clear-  and, as mentioned, talk to his parents. Telling your daughter to stay away from him may cause her to rebel - but then again, she is 18 and has rights.  Perhaps her sister can introduce her to other boys to take her mind off this guy....or she can spend more time with her, keeping her busy.


I wish I could provide you with a magic answer....but, all I can say is love and support is important and is always remembered.


My thoughts and prayers are with you, your daughter and family.


Bright Blessings.


Peace, Love & Happiness,


The Mystic Wave


 

   
Customer: replied 11 years ago.
Reply to Anne's Post: She is a very beautiful latin girl.I don't know what to tell you.
DearCustomer

I feel for you, but unfortunately there really isn't a lot of things you can do to stop your daughter from seeing this boy.

I have a friend who went through this same kind of destructive behavior at one point in her life. It didn't matter how much I tried to point out to her that she deserved better than to be treated as a second class citizen by her boyfriends (They treated her like and used her as a sex object, borrowed money all the time, and basically had her chauffeur them everywhere for free.), she still stayed with them and continued this pattern for years.

I don't know what your situation is, but I can tell you some of the factors that lead to her bad decision making (at least where men where concerned). She came from a very restrictive and domineering household, and once she was free of her father's rules, she basically went a little bit nuts with the sexual experimentation and open-mindedness.

My friend also had low self-esteem. Her father once told her that even if she did get married, it wouldn't matter because she would be divorced within a year. I could have smacked that man for saying that, but I knew that it was one of the contributing factors to her behavior and I also knew that there was nothing I could do to help her through this except to be her friend and wait until she was ready to truly accept my help (which did eventually happen, by the way).

Here are my suggestions to you.

1) Investigate him. If you're truly worried about this guy, then have him investigated just so that you can find out exactly who you are dealing with. Your daughter may not take to kindly to this action, so you might choose to keep this information to yourself.

2) Arrange to have your daughter talk to old girlfriends of this guy (or have her "accidently" run into them). These girls would be in a better place of authenticity and authority to let you know (and your daughter) about all of the things that this guy has done--any patterns of behavior repeated, etc.

3) Invite other boys over. You may not be able to stop your daughter from seeing this boy, but that doesn't mean that you have to lie down and take what he's dishing out. Invite some handsome young men over for dinner or for a relaxed party. Who knows? Maybe a new man will grab her attention away from this guy. (You might want to make sure that these new young men reflect the kind of values that you'd like to see in a future son-in-law.)

4) Spend more mother-daughter time. Cook some food together--most everyone likes cookies. Make a special movie night (either at a theater or on a VHS/DVD at home. Maybe start a family book club. Go shopping. Go for a walk together.

5) Build up her self-esteem. See about taking her to have the works done at a spa--hair, makeup, and nails or get a massage. Buy or make her a beautiful dress. Pay to have a photographer take her picture. Write her notes that tell her how much you appreciate what she's done for you. Compliment her more when she does something nice for you.

6) Love her no matter what. Try not to judge her. Sometimes the best thing you can do for your child is to just love him/her.

7) Pray. Pray. Pray. All things are possible with God. He might be the only one to reach her at this point.

8) Realize that sometimes people have to make their own mistakes to live and grow as an individuals. As far as you know, the relationship could end as abruptly as it began if your daughter finally wakes up and decides that she's tired of being used by this guy. I hope for your sake that this is the case.

Those are all the suggestions I have. I hope that helps.

Mic Sayre
Michele Sayre, No professional title
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 52
Experience: Writer--I study human nature to understand why people do the things they do.
Michele Sayre and other Relationship Specialists are ready to help you
DearCustomer

Thank you for accepting my answer, and I just wanted to wish you well again. I've said a prayer for you and your daughter.

Mic Sayre
Customer: replied 11 years ago.
Thank you so very much.I talked to her last night and she was with him and she was a little upset and I asked her what was wrong with her the other night ,and she said "oh he wants to be my boyfriend now",and she said I don't know about this relationship I have friends that are boys and he doesn't understand that.I tought to myself "yea".So maybe I pray she'll come around.
                         Thank you again

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