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Nick Sparks
Nick Sparks, School of Hard Knocks
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 35
Experience:  I’ve been there, done that, and I always took notes
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Asking a guest to go home

Customer Question

I have cared for a relative recovering surgery. The person is ready to go back to work per the doctor. It’s been 3 weeks and they don’t want to leave. They keep making excuses not to leave. I feel like I'm being used. How do I ask them to leave and not make them angry at the same time?
Submitted: 11 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Nick Sparks replied 11 years ago.
"Break-ups" of all kinds become harder when they go from
being decisions to being negotiations. This happens when
someone feels obligated to present a reason for their
opinion, because no matter what reason you give, the other
party can present a counter-argument.

Therefore, the appropriate thing is to sit down, make eye
contact, muster a firm voice and say, "The time has come.
Please plan to return to [your own living arrangements]
tomorrow."

If the person starts to present arguments, give them the
Kramer-from-Seinfeld two hand cut-off and repeat,
"Tomorrow." Then exit the room.

They'll get over it.

Nick

Nick Sparks, School of Hard Knocks
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 35
Experience: I’ve been there, done that, and I always took notes
Nick Sparks and other Relationship Specialists are ready to help you
Expert:  Anne replied 11 years ago.
 You are in a difficult situation.  Ask this person why he/she doesn't want to leave.  Explain to this person that you need to reclaim your own space again and go back to your normal life.  It is very hard to get out of a situation like you are in.  Hopefully this won't cause bad feelings.
Expert:  The Mystic Wave replied 11 years ago.

Greetings:


Who is your relative - cousin, aunt, uncle, etc.???


How old is your relative?


What type of surgery did he/she have?


Does your relative have his/her own residence?


Do you know exactly why your relative is not wishing to leave - what has he/she offered in way of an explanation?


Please let me know so that I can assist you.


Thank you - I look forward to your reply.


Bright Blessings.


Peace, Love & Happiness,


The Mystic Wave


 

Expert:  The Mystic Wave replied 11 years ago.

Greetings:


I note your original post which helps so that I may assist you.


While the doctor has indicated that your aunt is ready to go back to work, it is important to understand that when a person of such age has undergone such an ordeal, for which any hospitalization and surgery can weigh one down, emotionally, it will take extra care and patience on the part of the caregiver to nurse one back to health, especially on an emotional level. I appreciate that you would like for her to go home - however, rushing her may cause harm.


The most important thing to do is to get her up and out of the house, so she can start to get back into her regular routine of life - it appears that she may be hesitant of setting out on her own again (due to fear of injuring herself, perhaps believing that she is frail at this stage) - and that can happen more so to a person of her age.


Perhaps your aunt has other relatives that can come forward and spend time with her - to place her out in a social environment - to bring positivity into her life. If so, I would contact them. If not, I would try to be a bit more patient - perhaps taking her over to her house every day, just to check on things (which helps to get her back into her own surroundings)...as well, having her visit her place of employment - to stop by and say hello to her fellow co-workers - the more you try to get her back into her own surroundings/environment, the sooner she will heal (emotionally and physically)...and then before you know it, she will leave.


I do hope this has helped.


If you have any more questions, please do not hesitate to let me know.


My best to you and your aunt.


Bright Blessings.


Peace, Love & Happiness,


The Mystic Wave

Customer: replied 11 years ago.
Reply to Anne's Post: Dear XXXXXe,

I appreciate your taking the time to read and reply to my question.
I wish not to accept your reply. No disrespect intended. I actually delivered the person to their home today.
Thanks again, Customer
Customer: replied 11 years ago.
Dear XXXXX,

Thank you for taking time to read and reply to my question. I have accepted your reply. Your straight-forward answer made me realize it did feel much like a break-up! Thankfully, I delivered the person to their home this late afternoon with no hard feelings!

God Bless you,

Sincerely, Customer
Customer: replied 11 years ago.
Dear Mystic Wave,

Thank you for reading my question and for the detailed, in-depth reply to my question.

I had resolved the matter had been before I was able to reply to yours or any of the other replies.

Sincerely, Customer
Expert:  Nick Sparks replied 11 years ago.
I am pleased that things went well for you, and that I was
able to assist in some small way.

Nick

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