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Ask Michele Sayre Your Own Question

Michele Sayre
Michele Sayre, No professional title
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 52
Experience:  Writer--I study human nature to understand why people do the things they do.
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Customer Question

I told my girlfriend that I would go to a ski lodge for
the weekend. There are a bunch of people going for
her brother's birthay. I told her this months ago when
they made the plans. I would have to drive myself their
because they are leaving before I get out of work. I
already prepaid for the weeked. Now that the time has
come, I really don't want to go all weekend. Plus this
guy I am seing asked me to go to a work party on the
last minute. I would like to go to the work party.
Would it be wrong of me to go up to the ski lodge bright
and early on Saturday instead of today ( Friday )? I'm
also working all day, have to pack, and then drive a few
hours there. My uncle also had a stroke last night and
I wanted to see him before I go. I don't want to back
out of plans or for her to be mad at me either. She
gets mad over things like that. I will still pay for
the whole weekend. I need some advice on what to do.
Submitted: 11 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  nursehope replied 11 years ago.
 Certainly your uncle's stroke was unplanned event and you should visit him but I would not back out of the planned weekend event to go to the party.  You have a commitment that you should keep and not downsize it  because a better opportunity came along. Your friend should be mad if you do.  Keeping commitments is an important behavior that we should all strive for. Nurse Hope
Expert:  The Mystic Wave replied 11 years ago.


Personally, I would be honest with your girlfriend and let her know what's going on. When you start making all kinds of excuses that is when you get caught up in a tangled web. Who needs it? causes too many headaches. Thus, this particular situation should help you get things straightened out in your mind for future commitments....a lesson to learn???

Before you do anything, really decide for yourself what you want - and if you take one over the other, will you be happy? Will you have fun? Will it be worth it? But, as I stated, honesty is important - it's the best policy!

Don't force yourself to do something just because you said so even though following through on a commitment may be considered proper....(although one's word should be their bond).....however, if you don't feel comfortable in doing something, particularly concerning this situation, it won't do anybody any good - and may cause problems and/or bad feelings. Let this serve as a lesson - should you make a future commitment, not to back out, regardless - thus, give it good thought beforehand - it's nothing to be ashamed of - for we all live and learn every day.

With regards XXXXX XXXXX uncle, please know that my prayers and thoughts are with him - and you!

Please take care.

Bright Blessings.

Peace, Love & Happiness,

The Mystic Wave


Expert:  Michele Sayre replied 11 years ago.

My question to you is this--what are the plans for Friday in particular? Is the birthday party for the brother on Friday or did they schedule it for Saturday so everyone would have time to travel to the lodge on Friday and relax? If Friday is just down time anyway, then I don't see why you need to show up then unless there is a specific event planned for that day.

Here's my next question--what time does this work party begin? If it begins at 7 or 8 p.m., then can you manage to go there for an hour or two (which will make your boyfriend happy) and then head up to the ski lodge (You can take off right after you exit the party.)? How long does it take to drive there? Will the lodge be open that late to let you in if you call ahead of time (Most hotels have a person posted at the front desk for those late arrivals they know are coming in--or you can plan for your friends to pick up the keys and then call them when you get in to let you into the building and your room [You'd probably have to prepay with a credit card for this option.].)?

I assume that you'll see your uncle sometime after you get off of work. You can then pack and have everything ready in the car for after you leave the party (providing that you'll have the time).

Tell your friend that you'll still be coming, but it will be much later than you had originally planned because you want to go see your uncle and you also need to take care of a few things before you drive up. (Problem solved. You're not lying exactly and you get to make everyone happy, including yourself.) If your friend gets mad that your late, then too bad--she'll eventually get over it I'm sure.

If you still don't know what to do, then put yourself in your friend's shoes. Would you understand if your friend did the same thing to you that you want to do right to her and her brother?

Frankly, I really don't see the problem. As long as the birthday party isn't planned for Friday (I'm assuming it isn't or you wouldn't even be considering skipping Friday to begin with.), then if you're friend is really your friend then she'll realize that sometimes unexpected things happen and sometimes life should be allowed to be a little flexible. After all, it's not like you're skipping the whole weekend--only delaying the beginning of it on your part (She'll have plenty of other people there to get things hopping.)

If you do decide to go to the work party, then I'd definitely try to show up later that night so your friend won't be as ticked off at you as she could be if you wait to come up Saturday morning.

I hope that helps.

Mic Sayre

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