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Ask Michele Sayre Your Own Question

Michele Sayre
Michele Sayre, No professional title
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 52
Experience:  Writer--I study human nature to understand why people do the things they do.
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i got engaged in july of 04. my fiance has been sererated for 4 years, but hasn’t finalized his divorce. we are getting married this August..wedding planned. he is waiting and listening to his wife about the status of the divorce. he keeps telling me that it is in the process. i don’t know what to do. i am so upset with him.
Submitted: 11 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Catherine replied 11 years ago.
DearCustomer

With such little information it's really hard to know how to reply to your question but I'll try.

I'm going to assume this is the real deal, inwhich case you have a right to ask spacific questions about when and where this devorce has been filed. If you know that much you can at least check the public records for devorces filed.

Sence your wedding is planned and this is agreed apon by your fiance, I'm sure he would'nt mind you showing your concerns. Better now than in July.

Like I said if this is the real deal He is going to want to know before the last moment also. And if he's waiting for her to just handle it then he may be waiting in vain. Why would she care, her new wedding is'nt coming up in August. And then again she might be a real gem and just keep her word. I think after 4 years of seperation one of them should've taken care of it if it was going to happen.

Be appropriate and tactful though when you express your feelings. These things are of a delicate nature and even if the relationship is over for the both of them It can hit pretty hard in the heart at the moment of realization. Don't panic yet, give your fiance the benifit of the doubt and do things step at a time.

Goodluck, and if there is anyting further you need to know and I have'nt anwered your question in depth enough I will be glad to elaborate.

Respectfully
Catherine


Expert:  Michele Sayre replied 11 years ago.
DearCustomer

You need to be careful that your fiance isn't giving you the runaround--it sounds like he is from what you posted on this site.

First of all, the guy has been separated for over four years from his wife--did they by any chance fill out and file separation papers during that time? If they did, then they should be able to get a relatively speedy divorce. New York has "no-fault" divorces, which are designed to make the process easier (and faster). Because of it, if your fiance and his wife have been separated over one year (which they have been), then getting divorced is a relatively easy thing.

Please read the information on this site for more information about this, especially the section "SIMPLIFIED OR SPECIAL DIVORCE PROCEDURES: http://www.divorcesource.com/info/divorcelaws/newyork.shtml.

Just how long has this divorce been going on? Catherine (above) had a good idea about checking at the courthouse to see if the papers have been filed--though, I'd try talking with your fiance one more time about this (and also about the simplified, no-fault divorce possibility) before you start checking up on his wife (Just to make sure you won't be ruffling his feathers if you go and check on the veracity of the ex's words and promises).

I would also definitely talk to him and set some time limits. If you two are getting married in August, then you might ask that the divorce be finalized by April or May at the latest so that complications won't arise at the last minute. (Not to mention, there's a monetary element that enters with a wedding AND stress--all things that your guy would hopefully want to help you reduce if he truly cared about you.)

I hope that this helps you. Good luck!

Mic Sayre
Customer: replied 11 years ago.
I did check with the county clerk's office and the only thing that they have on file is a seperation agreement and divorce agreement from 2002. Nothing on record since. My fiance said that he spoke to his wife and she said that her atty. is working on it. My fiance said that he went to his attorney's office and he told him to wait 4 weeks and he will file if they don't hear anything from her atty. He keeps blaming her attorney. I gave him two weeks and asked him to file. He wants to wait four weeks. He says he would duplicate something that is already being done.
Expert:  The Mystic Wave replied 11 years ago.

Greetings:


I am sorry you are upset with your fiance - but, personally, I don't see any reason to be. Being that he is still legally married, although, separated, setting an actual date for marriage appears to have been a bit premature. You may wish to be patient and allow the divorce process to go through. If your fiance has an attorney handling this matter, then you should feel good about all of this, knowing that it will go through. Since I am also a legal secretary/paralegal with 29 years experience in the State of California, I know only too well that matters such as this can take some time to resolve....however, it appears that it is moving right along....again, I would just be patient and allow your fiance to handle this matter, at his own pace...for that will help him put proper closure to his marriage - so that it doesn't interfere with the marriage/life you wish to have with him.


I wish you and your fiance the best.


Bright Blessings.


Peace, Love & Happiness,


The Mystic Wave

Expert:  Michele Sayre replied 11 years ago.
Dear XXXXXsuzzane,

Since your fiance gave you a time frame of one month, then I say what's another month compared to the time you've already spent waiting for a resolution to this matter? That's more than you had a couple of days ago when he didn't have a cutoff time to file (providing his wife procrastinates yet again). Besides, a month is a lot more realistic than two weeks. Considering the money involved in the process, a month is a more than reasonable amount of time.

Once the month is up, you can reevalute your situation and decide if you need to put your foot down and ask him to take care of this or hopefully the problem will be resolved on its own.

In the meantime, try to relax and enjoy your engagement. You can at least have a little peace of mind now that your fiance's promised to take care of this matter and has given you a timetable.

Good luck!

Mic Sayre

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