Would you be so kind as to answer the following questions, so that I can provide you with an appropriate response?
Are you wanting to have a real relationship with this man - have you told him so?
How long have you known him?
Does he consider you to be a friend?
Have you ever gone out with him - such as dating?
Is he seeing/dating someone now?
I look forward to your reply.
Peace, Love & Happiness,
The Mystic Wave
Are you sure that he's a true narcissist or maybe that is the image that he has learned to project to the world to protect himself? After all, not many people would love that kind of person, and judging by what you posted in your entry, that may be the way he wants it on a subconscious level.
I know from personal experience how hard it is to get in touch with your feelings when you come from a family, which isn't very demonstrative. You say that he has a good heart, so that means that there is still hope for him, but it's going to take time. It has taken me over sixteen years to get to where I am now, and that's because I was willing to change my life because it wasn't working for me. He has to want to change first, and if he does decide to, then he has to follow through with that wanting.
Things that can help:
1) Tell him, that, to you, he appears like a narcissist. Sometimes hearing the truth wakes a person up--they'll either break down or get really pissed off and not want to see you again (Because he's now feeling an emotion, he might actually wonder if he is one and really do some self-evaluation.)
2) Ask him how he "feels" about that. If he's still talking to you, that is. Part of his narcissism problems (if that is even what he has) is that he learned from an early age not to listen to his feelings or even how to express them. Maybe he's just copying his narcissism behavior from one or both of his parents. Do you know what they are like?
3) Start being more demonstrative. The first thing I had to learn to do to change myself as a person was to express myself. I had to literally MAKE myself hug people. I kept a journal to help me learn to get in touch with my true feelings. I started trying to think about other people besides myself and my pain, so I started putting myself out there in the world by volunteering.
4) Realize that we all search for a piece of ourselves in our relationships. Whether it's with a loved one or a friend, it's natural for everyone to naturally gravitate to someone like themselves. You understand them better because you understand yourself. That doesn't mean that you don't have other kinds of relationships; it just means that it is easier to go with what you know. (By the way, the opposite is sometimes true--some people search for others unlike themselves because they can't stand themselves to begin with or realize that two like personalities would clash big time!)
My last question to you is--if this guy is such a narcissist, then why are you even bothering with him? Is that not a character flaw on your part to even want to consider dating this guy?
Just remember--we can't change what happened to us, but we can eventually change as a person. It may not be in your time, but it will be in the universe's time. The nature of life is to change--you either change or you die (or become really miserable).
Thank you for responding and providing further information.
I am not so certain this guy you are talking about is a narcissist. He grew up in a household wherein there was no affection from his parents...perhaps there was no affection for him as well - in turn, he had to learn how to embrace himself.....which there is nothing wrong with that..that is what we all need to do. You indicate that he has a good heart and is a gentleman, when he wants to be - would not all men fall into this personality disorder - and for women to being ladies? People pretty much tend to do what they want to do, when they want to do it - unless they are forced to do something against their own will.
You indicate "He has been in love but only with his own image projected onto a female"...........We all relate better to those who are similar in nature - those that help bring out the better qualities in us - and those that may even be a mirror image of us - just the opposite sex - does this mean narcissistic personality disorder?
You indicate: "So he falls in love very easy"...... Those that are in love (think they are in love) - may be out of the loving relationship within a matter of months, just because, and shortly thereafter, be in another relationship which they claim is "love" - does this mean narcissistic personality disorder? This may be caused from insecurities.
You indicate: "Even though it is not love he feels it is just his conception of it" ...... Many believe that the relationship that they are in is love - but when bad times occur, one is out the door in a heartbeat - many believed it was love - does this mean narcissistic personality disorder?
In Greek mythology, Narcissus was a beautiful youth who refused all offers of love, including that of Echo. As punishment for his indifference he was made to fall in love with his own image in a mountain pool. Unable to possess the image, he pined away and was turned into a flower.
I have known such a person with this personality behavior - and no one can match the love that they hold for self....not even come close....they don't even bother getting involved in a relationship....no one compares.
A pervasive pattern of grandiosity (in fantasy or behavior), need for admiration, and lack of empathy, beginning by early adulthood and present in a variety of contexts, as indicated by five (or more) of the following:
My goodness, there seems to be many who display such symptoms (some and/or all) in every day life - but, this can be remedied....anything in life can be - if one is still breathing, one should try to keep faith.
In your reply, you indicate that he knows that you are committed to him - that's wonderful -however, is he committed to you, does he want to be in a true committed relationship? If this is one-sided, one cannot actually say they are in a relationship. You state that the two of you are friends - that has been acknowledged, that's a plus - because true, romantic, loving relationships stem from friendship - but, still has he said he is committed to you - that there is no other in his life - that you are the one - the love of his life? You also indicate "He was just seeing someone else but apparently she was not ready to be in a relationship and he claims he would not want to be with her in that capacity anyway"....This definitely says he was never in a relationship with her...for he didn't want it anyway! Did you not like the fact that he was seeing her even though they were not in a romantic relationship?
I must say that your friend is capable of loving, I don't believe he has this personality disorder - I just feel that when the time is right, he will be in a relationship. However, your question is: Will he be in a relationship with you? - The answer, certainly, must be found out - but how? - simple, you need to ask him..that's how you make it happen. I know what you want to happen - but, if he doesn't want to be in a romantic, loving relationship with you - then at least you can cherish his friendship. Sometimes, we can go for years without recognizing the person who has always been there for us - for we need to gain certain knowledge fom others - then one day, one can feel like they have been hit over the head with a brick..because they finally realize what it's all about - and so they come running back - this is not a bad thing, or something that one should feel as though they are being used - this is part of human nature - this is all for spiritual progress.
To have peace of mind, you may wish to let him know how you feel about him, if you haven't already done so - and even if you have, let him know again....and ask him for his feedback. If anything, you may wish to let him know that you wish to remain friends...(again, the best of romantic, loving relationships stem from friendship)....so there's always hope.
I look forward to receiving further information from you. I hope this much has helped.
Thank you for sharing further information. It now appears that he just scared - this is a result from his childhood. He may not know what real love is between two people. I would say give him time, he will come around. Don't worry - be happy in your friendship with him...enjoy and cherish. He will come around - I don't know how long you can wait, what your tolerance level may be - but, if it's any consolation to you, I waited 16 years for my husband to come around - we are recently married. The only thing is that we were in a committed friendship from the beginning - we have always known that we were meant to be together.
Do not fret...if you are "in love" with him - and you feel it in your heart and soul that the two of you are meant to be together, then you will be!
If you have any further questions, please let me know.