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Ask Michele Sayre Your Own Question

Michele Sayre
Michele Sayre, No professional title
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 52
Experience:  Writer--I study human nature to understand why people do the things they do.
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Love without Sex

Customer Question

Please explain if there is any possible way a male can be very interested in a female but not be sexually attracted to her. He wants to gain her favor and woo her but is not willing to initiate lovemakeing because she does not stimulte him. Is it possible that a relationship can exist without sexual attraction. He is attracted to her pretty face and her personality and intelligence.
Submitted: 11 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Guests replied 11 years ago.
     I fully believe that a healthy loving relationship can develop without any sexual attraction as long as both partners are comfortable with that fact. Suppose you end up married for 40 years, even if you both had an incredible sexual lust for eachother years ago, it will fade and you'll be left with only love and stimulating conversation from your counterpart to keep you company. In some ways it can be even more important to find an intelligent and stimulating individual than just a really hot chick.
Customer: replied 11 years ago.
Reply to Jenipher A. Robertson's Post: Thank you for your responce but im looking for another opinion. Sex is an important part of a relationship. I can dearly love someone but can one be intimate with another without the consumation and bonding that sex can bring? Will it really ever be fullfilling? Im talking about a 29 year old male here. Who is very sexually charged. Will these sort of feelings ...loving and what not, be enough for him now? (not when he is much older)
Expert:  Diane replied 11 years ago.
There are a few things here that concern me. This is a new relationship? What about having children, if that is important than maybe this wouldn't be an ideal relationship.

On the other hand, I have been married for 15 years now. My husband received serious head injuries a number of years ago and has brain damage. He has the mind of a child. We have a very loving and fullfilling relationship on many levels without sex, where I can say we are both happy - so in theory it can work. It really depends on both people involved.

Best of luck to you.
Expert:  Michele Sayre replied 11 years ago.

 Dear daisy_chainsaw,

To be able to answer your question, I guess I need to understand first exactly what you are wanting in this relationship.

From what you wrote, you're interested in this young woman in every way except sexual, right?  My next question is why?  Why is developing a relationship with this woman so important to you?  Better yet, if she is so pretty and attractive in every other way to attract your interest to her in the first place, then what is it about her that turns you off sexually?

I guess it comes down to what exactly do you want from this girl?  If it is to be friends, then you can do that.  You can have a mutually love relationship, but it would probably be the kind of love that best friends or a brother and sister would have for each other.  That doesn't take away from the specialness of the relationship. 

As long as you are clear as to what exactly you are wanting from any relationship with this girl and you're very clear to her about what you are wanting, then I guess it rests on her shoulders from that point on to decide if that is something she can welcome in a relationship or if it is something that she would rather pass on.  Either way, the decision is going to be hers, but at least she can make an informed choice based on your honesty with her.

One final note before I go, even though you aren't sexually attracted to her now, there have been many, many cases in which friends who've enjoyed a platonic relationship for years one day developed sexual feelings.  No one knows why this happens.  Maybe it's simply a matter of the time finally being right (the universe coming into alignment or whatever) for a sexual relationship to develop.

Best of luck with whichever way your possible relationship turns out.

Mic Sayre

Michele Sayre, No professional title
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 52
Experience: Writer--I study human nature to understand why people do the things they do.
Michele Sayre and other Relationship Specialists are ready to help you
Expert:  The Mystic Wave replied 11 years ago.


There's nothing wrong with a man and woman being friends, sharing special moments together without being intimate. It amazes me how so many people think that just because one is in a relationship that personal intimacy/sex should be a part of the picture - sure, when it comes time - what about waiting until one gets married first?

Do not be misled - Love is not sex. Sex can be had at any time, merely for physical gratification. Making love is two souls uniting together to further share/express their love for each other, passionately.

A man can very much appreciate a woman for her intellect and beauty, that to me would be very appealing, for him to be considered a real man/gentleman who has the utmost respect for a woman -however, should the man only be out for sex then many women believe that they are only being used, or being played - or consider the man to be perhaps "no good" or a "loser" or such other name calling for which you can only imagine. It seems to me that too many women just can't be satisfied.

Love comes in many forms - however, true love between a man and woman takes time to grow, for both to become acquainted with each other, to share moments together, to see if they are compatible   and when the time is right, when there is a physical feeling that's sparked, then it will happen - knowingly, real, everlasting, loving relationships are based on solid friendships.....

Wishing you a very Happy New Year.

Bright Blessings.

Peace, Love & Happiness,

The Mystic Wave

Customer: replied 11 years ago.
Reply to TheMysticWave's Post: Hello thanks for your answer I accepted the one that said that she needs to know how he feels so she can make a descision but your answer was great. Thank you.
Expert:  The Mystic Wave replied 11 years ago.

Greetings Daisy:

Thank you so much for your reply and your kind words - and you are most welcome. Please know that I understand your decision and I'm fine with same. We are all here to assist you.

If we can be of service to you in the future, please do not hesitate to let us know.

May this New Year bring you much prosperity, peace, love and happiness.

Wishing you the very best.

Bright Blessings.

The Mystic Wave

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