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Vickie, Nurse (RN)
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 85
Experience:  27 years relationship experience, 14 years happily married, have counseled many
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Marriage advice

Customer Question

Four years ago I cheated on my husband (we
not yet married or engaged) with an ex
recently I confessed to him. He says hestill
loves me
and is not going to leave me, but i don’t know
what to
do to help us get over this. Please help. I feel
guilty about both what i did and keeping it from
for so long.
Submitted: 11 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Dear Candace replied 11 years ago.
Hi Shelly,

You're in a very fortunate position. You were able to get this off your chest by confessing AND your husband is willing to work things out. If he's willing to forgive you, then you have to be willing to forgive yourself. The guilt you are feeling is a natural consequence of what happened, but you do not need to let the guilt take over your life.

You really are married to a terrific guy and he must love you very much. You also have to love yourself, that's just as important as forgiving yourself. If you feel like you just can't get over this, then I suggest that you seek professional counseling.

Cherish your husband, he's very special and you have many, many good years to look forward to. Build a happy future together and don't let this mistake in the past rob you and your husband of the joy you both can have.

It took a lot of courage and strength to confess this to your husband, so feel good about yourself for showing these good qualities. I'm sure there are many more qualities that your husband fell in love with and still loves about you.

I wish you the best for the future, and please let us know if we can help you further.
Expert:  Vickie replied 11 years ago.
I know that you feel guilty over what has happened. But, In my oppinion you must also consider this - you were not married or even engaged when this occured. At that point you might have been daiting your now husband - but without even being engaged you didn't know that things would work out the way they did between you. Everyone had a life before marriage, I'm sure even your husband did, and I think that it was a very sweet gesture for you to share this with him, but it is not anything that you needed to "confess". Did he confess his relationships before you came along? My dear what happened in the past is in the past. Let it go - and look forward to the future that you both have together. You have a whole lifetime together, and will build memories that you both will never forget. Don't let something that happened before you were even engaged come betweem that. Look forward to the happy times. Life is to short to dwell on things were not to proud of. Its over, gone, and there's nothing neither of you can do about it now. Through time he will see that he can trust you - and that what happened really had nothing to do with him at all. By confessing this it should tell your husband that you are an honest and loving person that doesn't ever want anything to come between you, and whatever happens in the future - good or bad - that he can count on you to be honest, and not lie to him. And that is so important in a marriage. Just so he knows that you will expect the same from him.
Good luck, You are in my prayers.

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