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Kristen
Kristen, Advise Giver
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 6
Experience:  Divorced and happily remarried mother of 3. I also work full time in the medical insurance field.
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marriage and sex

Customer Question

i have been with my wife for 21 years i am 41 shes 42 and our sex life have stop she says it because of work but all she does is sleep if not spending time with our kids,and she put our youyngest in the bed with her so i can not bother her in her sleep this is every day and i no longer wont to be married to her what can i do?
Submitted: 12 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Kristen replied 12 years ago.
If you wanted to try to stay together for the kids sake then try a marriage counselor first before you completely throw in the towel. If after counseling you still want a divorce then contact an attorney. You may want to try just a seperation first to see if you really want to be away from her. Divorces are expensive and if she contests the divorce it will cost even more. You also need to think about how the kids will be affected. They should be your main consideration. Whatever you decide to do please, please remember, the kids are innocent parties. They should not be put in the middle of you and your wifes problems. Don't make them choose who the want to live with and don't belittle your wife in front of the kids. This goes for your wife too. She should not talk bad about you in front of the kids. I'm not trying to preach about this. It will just make everything a lot smoother if the kids don't feel torn apart. When a child hers something bad about one of their parents, it makes them want to "take up" for the one who is being talked about. If they continue to hear all the fussing, fighting, and name calling, the child will grow up to possibly resent the one who instigated the arguements.

I wish you luck in working everything out if that's the road you choose to take.
Kristen, Advise Giver
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 6
Experience: Divorced and happily remarried mother of 3. I also work full time in the medical insurance field.
Kristen and other Relationship Specialists are ready to help you
Expert:  Dear Candace replied 12 years ago.
Dear XXXXXos,



Think back to when you married your wife.  Do you remember why you
fell in love with her?  Think about how it was when you were
dating and you dreamed of the kind of life the two of you would
have.  Think about all the qualities and personality traits that
attracted you to your wife in the first place.  This is the woman
you promised to love and cherish for eternity, for better or worse,
through sickness and in health, 'til death do you part. 



Instead of planning an escape from your marriage because you are
dissatisfied with your sex life, start planning how the two of you can
make things better.  Think of all the time invested into your
union, think of the children, and think of your wife's feelings. 
Perhaps she too would like a change of pace.  If she is working,
taking care of a home, and raising children, she must be SuperMom to be
able to keep up with it all.  You are her Partner.  You need
to help your wife, not abandon her. 



Here are some suggestions:



Get involved with couples counseling.

She may want to work part-time, if possible, she may want to quit her job altogether. 

Enlist the help of other people to take the load off of your wife, such
as a babysitter on Friday or Saturday night so that the two of you can
have an evening together. 

Get her some help in cleaning the house, like Merry Maids, and have
them come in once a week, or once every other week, whichever fits your
situation better.

Figure out some things that you can live without so that the household
budget is more manageable, therefore alleviating the need for her to
work full-time. 

Think about how much money is spent on entertainment, such as renting
videos, renting video games, going to the movies, going out to eat,
etc.  Instead, stay home and play some board games with the
kids.  Have a family night once a week where the kids can expect
to do something fun that doesn't cost a lot of money. 

Invite another family over for a spaghetti dinner.  Have them
bring dessert.  Enjoy telling stories, playing Charades or
Pictionary. 



Many families have found that when they put the television in the
attic, they now have time for each other and it's not wasted sitting in
front of the boob tube (that's what my mother always called it). 
You will be amazed at the number of things a family can do together
that doesn't cost much money, such as going to a park, flying a kite, a
trip to the beach, a picnic, bike riding, a walk around the
neighborhood. 



You are blessed with a wife and children.  This is your precious
possession.  You have to take care of them and cherish them. 
Please don't walk out on them.  I am certain that if you put in
the effort that you can revive the romance in your marriage.  Your
wife will love you for it and your children will be thankful that you
didn't leave. 



I sincerely XXXXX XXXXX you will reconsider things and find the joy there
is to be found in the family you already have.  Too many people
figure out too late that they had it better before they left their
mate.  I wish you the best, XXXXX XXXXX you have any questions, please
ask. 
























Expert:  The Mystic Wave replied 12 years ago.

Greetings Carlos:


I am a gifted psychic, empath and spiritualist with more than 35 years experience in matters of love, relationship issues, finances, and any and all other areas of one's life for which they seek answers and/or guidance.


In answer to your question,  I see that you have had much patience and tolerance in handling this situation.....I see that you have been trying to stay in control pertaining to how your marriage has changed .....wanting for troubles to pass.


Presently, I see that you have been thinking greatly of the past (such memories) as you did have quite a loving relationship with your wife and you have been wishing to become inspired, having the high ideals and hopes, in order for it to be that way again for the two of you.


In the near future, I see that you are still holding on - not wanting to let go - trying to be high spirited, to have hope that all will work out....Now, you may feel as though you are being left out in the cold, but if you can hold on a little while longer, within the next 5-7 months, things will improve in your marriage and your wishes will be fulfilled. I keep feeling "patience" as this is what it will take to turn your marriage around.


Concerning your wife, overall, she is wishing for success - to feel whole and complete...the energy of the past, indicates that she had been feeling quite devastated - she felt that she was losing control, and I believe that there was talk about divorce - this stemmed from a conversation between the two of you wherein angry words were expressed.


Presently, she is attempting to put her emotions behind her, to be able to think clearly about the situation....although the other reason is that there is an opportunity for new money (a project she has been relying on) - and, "yes"....work is what she is trying to stay focused on...


In the near future, if she feels that you are not understanding her situation, this will create quite a bit of mental anquish for her - as she is looking to her future with you and your children. She is trying to accomplish many things in the near future, and there may be restrictions placed upon her if you do not support her  -however,  I see the two of you celebrating in a new home....within the next 12-16 months.


Patience will bring success.


If you wish for clarification, please do not hesitate to ask.


Please take care.


Bright Blessings.


Peace, Love & Happiness,


The Mystic Wave

 

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